Could you please tell me what you think of my poem, comments and/or criticism?

Question

The poem is a bit too long, to be posted here. Here it is, how I intended (sort of; I haven't really read the whole thing, or edited it, yet. Suggestions. thoughts, & criticism are welcome)...

------- "A Blind Heart" ------

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dctdsgkb_388hj5chngq

Answer 1

i think it's way too long.

Answer 2

Hi JM,

It feels good to read but a bit lonely. You really use all expressions on the matters of the heart. Anyway, it's just a poem right?

:)

Answer 3

i kinda like it but some thoughts are dragged out a bit

Answer 4

E.A. Poe once said that a poem was neither too short nor too long if it was a good poem...you use the number of words you need to say what you want to say...so how could it be too long or too short?  The only poems that are too long or too short are those that don't say what they need to say concisely.

That being said, your poem is neither too long nor too short.  However, there are parts that could be condensed to keep the flow moving a little better...but even more important than that...your last stanza...aaabb!  don't do it!  You avoided long strings of couplets and rhymes, but then over extend your final couplet so it becomes a triplet and this was after another couplet...it's like a kiss of death...fix it!  The rest of the poem is fine...it's a poetic narrative and most of the line breaks are okay.  I'd have someone read it to you out loud so you can hear the poem the way others who haven't heard you read it before actually see it...I think you'll rethink some of  your line breaks and word choices...and no amount of self-oratory will be as complete because your brain cheats (not just your brain, everyone's brain).

...edit it, let it sit, then let someone read it out loud to you...then repeat the process until it sounds perfect to your ear...and keep writing