Could you rate my poem? Suggest a title?

Question

wrote it last year! i like music with english lyrics so that's the language i wrote this and others that i've composed... please don't be very strict with me, my poem or any mistakes about the language, it's not my native!... thanks!

Near the port, by the sea

there's an angel who can play

the guitar and it seems

he can sit there all day

He can play but can't sing,

he can't sing but can pray

and his prayers are songs

reaching out for a God

and the fishermen' sons

gather around this man

and then girls are coming near

looking for a chance to dance

but now the songs that they hear

are so sad, are so blue

and their feelings cause tears

falling under the moon

and this sadness around

brings back bad memories

but he doesn't want to let them down,

he has to play one of those happy themes

He can play but can't sing

he can't sing but can pray

and his prayers are sounds

flying over the clouds

And now the boys want to dance

and the girls are taking their hands

And a joyful madness

is coming after the sadness

as they spin

as they turn

as they fall

as they burn

full of confusing feelings

with so various meanings

And they dance and they laugh

while the angel cries

tears of pain or of love -who knows?-

still there, he tries

to touch the strings of the guitar

and make the melody start

but the guitar silently dies...

Answer 1

I like this poem . Prayer waves dance away the pain.

Answer 2

Very nice poem - it lost it's rhythm a little in the middle. I like the fact that it tells a story....it did lack a little bit of passion perhaps...you seem to be telling the story of an angel, but focus more on the dance.....it would be interesting to counter-point this with the Angel's feelings (throughout the poem - not just at the end)....

...perhaps just use the title "Angel tears"?

Answer 3

beautiful poem

THE GUITAR

TOUCH THE STRINGS

FLY OVER THE CLOUDS

LOOKING FOR A CHANCE TO DANCE

   (metaphorically, aren't they all looking for a chance to dance?)

Answer 4

Looks and sounds professional.

Lol are you thinking.... Let me put my poems in you!  

Answer 5

I loved it really! :D

I require  "THE SOUND OF GUITAR'S MELODY"

Answer 6

It's a great lyric - Joni Mitchell could have written it and that's saying something!

It needs a fine Soprano voice and a quick bouncy rhythm like "big yellow taxi" until the last line.

You could call it "Fallen Angel"

Answer 7

WOW, the fact that English is your second language I think the poem is brilliant - it has a lot of movement and the 'tempo' seems to speed up as it is read.  It is quite moving and I'm no English Literature graduate but I know I like it!

(PS - It reminds me a little of some Crowded House (Aussie Band) lyrics in a way and their frontman Neil Finn is one of the world's great songwriters-- also a combined Crowded House/Dixie Chicks song called "Silent House" something about the emotions in your poem seem similar?)

A think a great title would be: "Burning Silence"

Answer 8

That's a very sad song. Perhaps you could call it 'the melody of dying'.

Answer 9

Pretty good.

Instead of "so various meanings" try "full of various meanings."

I can't think of a good title.