Could you read this and give me your honest opinion please?

Question

i already have this up but i was wondering if i could get more answers

i wrote this poem when a couple monthes ago and recently found and edited it im 16 so don't be too harsh please.

It's called Dance,My Puppet Dance

Crystalized tears surround her face.

Blackened eyes show no emotion.

She slowly falls down to the floor,broken limbs and all.

What has become of her,who is she now

Beautiful,Broken,Bruised she takes a step up to breathe

Fractures dreams she looks upon,Haunted.

Can this be happening?

Could she be pushed to the extent

That she's just laying there like a broken baby doll.

Waiting to be fixed once again.

Handled with such gentle care to just be thrown away.

A smile spreads across her face as she realizes there's hope if she can find it.

Broken little marionette doll,stand up.

Use the strings that once held you high above to climb.

Begin the routine once again,1 2 step,1 2 step.

FALL.

No Rude Comments

Please Star

Answer 1

thats beautiful it almost made me cry

great work

Answer 2

WOW!!! THAT IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... :) i like it SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

What kind of poem is this? I can give an opinion if you don't name the type of poem it is

Answer 4

thats really good i think you have some major potentional

Answer 5

sooo...

the potential is there. im assuming this poetry symbolizes your feelings, otherwise you wouldnt have wrote it.

Looking at it as a whole, its good. but if you want to make it better i would look at the technical parts of it. Such as, punctuations and such. The flow of the stanzas. As a free verse poem it works, but if you really want to challenge yourself try to develope your thoughts in different types of poetry.  

and if you like poetry, there are some fantastic poets out there.  sylvia plath is my all time favorite. Two of her more well know poems are "daddy" and "lady Lazadus"

Answer 6

i like it alot! ^^ u dont need to change it bc someone says its not good enough. ur great at it! (PS the ? u read earlyer about ''y do ppl love my poems?'' i was just trying to see how many ppl hated it. i write alot better than that. the poem was really a story from a dream i had. and my real poems r way better than that)

Answer 7

I think you have a really good first draft of a poem. That's where this can evolve into a great poem. There are a lot of good things about it, but there are also things that could be better....

I don't want you tp think I'm being rude... I just want to give you some contructive critisizm...

Crystalized tears surround her face.

Blackened eyes show no emotion.

She slowly falls down to the floor,broken limbs and all.

(I would write: A colapsed body falls to the floor

Broken limbs bind pain to sadness)[* the reason I would write something like that would be to keep a better flow. You used "Crystalized" and "blackened" in the first two lines so by using a word like "colapsed" in the next line it is easier to read ]

What has become of her(?)

who is she now(?)

Beautiful,Broken,Bruised she takes a step up to breathe

( I would change the order of the B words to... Broken, Bruised, yet still beautiful.... This  way it kind of answers the questoins you just asked above. Also, if I was all broken and bruised I wouldn't really want to be standing up. So I would write something like: She sits up to breathe)

Fractures dreams she looks upon,Haunted.

(The wording is hard to understand. How abpout something like: Haunted she looks upon fractured dreams)

Can this be happening?

Could she be pushed to the extent

That she's just laying there like a broken baby doll.

(instead of "she's" I think "she'll just lay there" would sound better. I say this because you're asking if she could be pushed that far, not if she is being pushed. And also you should put marionette doll instead of baby doll since later on you make her a marionette.)

(I would switch around the next two lines... so it read:

Handled with such gentle care just to be thrown away

Waiting to be fixed once again)

Waiting to be fixed once again.

Handled with such gentle care to just be thrown away.

A smile spreads across her face as she realizes there's hope if she can find it.

Broken little marionette doll,stand up.

Use the strings that once held you high above to climb.

Begin the routine once again,1 2 step,1 2 step.

FALL.

Answer 8

that's excellent, I can't write poetry so I am blown away.