Counceling for the father too?

Question

Do you think Fathers should have extensive counceling too, before signing termination papers? We requested this for our adoption and it was provided, (about 5 hours worth)but it was suggested we not ask for it, because of the "risk" of him "rocking the boat". I think is was good for him and us. Do you think it should be required for all birthfathers. Or at least offered to all potential birth fathers.

Answer 1

I think that would be great. If that had happened in my son's case then the adoption agency (LDSFS) wouldn't have been able to hide and not inform him. This would have also helped alot of men that doesn't know what to do if they want their child. Like  filing the putative father registry. But this isn't going to be pass through adoption agencies because they would lose business.  And if you do get it done boy is there going to be a lot of mother's saying they don't know who the father is. This why DNA needs to be done in the hospital for all adoptions. Just my thoughts.   Thank you for doing it right. And your child will appreciate the way you went about the adoption

Answer 2

Without a doubt!  It doesn't matter if only 1 out of 100 was interested.  It needs to be there for them.  There are plenty of fathers who want to be dads.  And yes, fathers are marginalized in our society.  The courts have all but gotten to the point where fathers are seen as nothing but a potential monetary source.  It is absolutely disgusting and wrong that all fathers suffer this due to the reputation that some fathers' behaviour has caused.  No wonder so many fathers' rights groups are popping up.

Answer 3

If it is for sure known who the birthfather is, I don’t see harm in it being offered to them.

Answer 4

Everyone should have a chance for counselling through the situation.   I think it will be hard on both bio parents, and anything to help them through the process is a good thing.  Mandatory though, not likely, but offered as an option can only help.

Answer 5

It would have helped Rachaels bfather I'm sure. I dont' think it woud have changed the out come but mabe made it easier for him to handle as it did affect him a great deal.

Answer 6

Abso-freaking-lutely!

Answer 7

Considering often the birth father is not known, or not involved, why?

If there has been intensive involvement by the father that would be a different story. The mother on the other hand has carried the baby for nine months and has formed at least a living bond with the child. You would extend a risk if the father is more involved once the child is born than he has been or wants to be.

Answer 8

Yes most definitely.

Answer 9

The agency we went through offered it to both of us, seperately.  He has, however, never gone, even now when it is offered to him numerous times almost 4 years after her placement.  All of my counseling has been after her placement and I continue for different issues that have arisen since then.

I think it is very important to be offered by a nonmember of the agency to help make an informed decision away from the agency.

Answer 10

As with anything else, this isn't an all or nothing situation.  I don't think you can say that counseling should be available to ALL birth fathers.  In my case, I was (am) a birthmom.  If my ex would have been offered or been made to go through counseling, he may have decided not to relinquish his rights.  As he was not interested in having a baby (he handed me a blank check to have the baby aborted) I think that if he had changed his mind because of the counseling that would have been a bad situation.  He was already a dead-beat dad to two other girls, and I have no doubts he would have also been one to the one I gave birth to.  Adoption was the right answer for our situation, and I fear that counseling may have changed that.   My counselor cost $175 dollars an hour, and I was allowed unlimited time with her.  Do you think most adoptive parents would be willing to offer that?  

Hope this helps~

Answer 11

I think it should be definately offered.

Adults need to understand the full ramifications to all parties involved with adoption.

Yeah - some just won't care. But it should be offered.

I think it's great that you followed that path.

Answer 12

Absolutely!  Why are fathers without rights in so many states?  They should have an equal opportunity to participate in the decisions affecting their children as the mother. If they choose not to, that's their choice.  

As long as fathers continue to be 'marginalized' in our culture, many will continue to act irresponsibly.  Like being "dead beat dads".

Answer 13

I totally think this should be the case!  Half the trouble with "contested" adoptions comes from fathers who did not know what was going on!  (Ok, here I'll admit my statistics are only from evidence I've seen in my own life, not any study I've looked at, but still)  A father is a father.  Single dads ARE capable of raising their babies.  Of course, like any other parent, the situation needs to be monitored to make sure there is not abuse - but since they'd likely be a single parent, the child would have to be in daycare, and bruises would be noticed.  

I think it is criminal for the father to not be given the same rights as a mother in these situations.  If the father is "unknown" there should be a waiting period of at least a year before the adoption is finalized.  I know this can be h**l on adoptive parents, but a year goes by faster than you think.  If a father is searching for his potential child, there needs to be time for him to find the child.  I don't think you would face any real problems in cases where the father is truly UNKNONWN, but I think there are instances where the biological mother doesn't want any complications so she says she doesn't know who the father is to simplify them.  I wouldn't be suprised if some "for profit" agencies even recomended (in passing, I'm sure) that adoptions where "easier" if the mother wasn't quite sure who the father was.  These fathers need to be given a chance to raise their children.