Courthouse 1st then a wedding ceremony :(?

Question

Ok, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over four years (known each other for 8 yrs), we have a beautiful 10 month old and he wants us to get married asap. I also want to get married but I want to share it with my family and be that princess most girls dream of being on their wedding date. I want a ceremony and he says he does also but wants it to be next summer so he can invite his family and college buddies but for NOW he wants to to get married at the courthouse or have my pastor wed us. To me it doesn't seem like the actual wedding ceremony will feel as special if we do it after the 'legal' marriage vs having a wedding ceremony 1st. Any experiences you'd like to share??

Answer 1

I know a lot of military people who have the JOP wedding because they are being deployed and then have the wedding ceremony later for the family.

do the JOP wedding--dress up nice, treat it like a special day, invite a couple of close friends and go out to dinner.  Then have the church ceremony for the family.  Think of the church ceremony as renewing your vows.

for whatever reason your fiance wants to go to the JOP and since you are both interested in having a church ceremony later then it's up to you if it happens or not.  Just start saving for it and planning it now.  If the church wedding doesn't happen then it's because you didn't really want it badly enough.

during WW2 the big weddings were considered a bit excessive and unpatriotic (due to rationing), so a lot of brides did the JOP wedding.  My grandparents put on their Sunday best, went to the courthouse and got married with her sisters and a brother in law and her mother as witnesses, had their picture taken by a local photographer, and then went to dinner.  They just celebrated their 67th anniversary.

Answer 2

Ok, you cannot have any kind of wedding if you're already married. This means that you will not be able to have a wedding after you get married at the courthouse. You will be able to have a renewal of vows and/or a reception for the wedding, but that's it.

I would say that it's a little hard on your family and friends to exclude them from the wedding, and some of them may be offended enough to skip your big celebration a year later. And I know you're trying not to be materialistic about this, but if you do want to get a china set, or other typical wedding gifts you're now going to need to buy them yourself, because people who are excluded often do not feel any need to get a gift.  

Answer 3

I would wait.  You probably are going to have 50 or so years of your life to be husband and wife.  When you look at it that way, what is one more year of waiting?  Besides, that is sort the point of being engaged and why you use the term fiance(e).  So that people will know you have already pledged yourselves to each other and are serious about spending the rest of your lives together while you work on putting together the wedding.  If that's not enough for him, maybe you can have some type of handfasting ceremony where you vow to stay together for the next year.

Answer 4

I have heard of several people that have done that.  Got married at the courthouse then had a wedding later (when it was more affordable to them or convenient)  Its all in what you feel..It is your special day and you should be the one to decide how you want to do it.  Just stick to your plan and have the fairytale dream wedding and unlike your friend just make sure that it happens...I would not worry at all what anyone thinks..Its your day and you do it however you want to...Good luck and best wishes to you and your family...:o)

Answer 5

If your guy died next year, would you really give a c**p whether your ceremony was some dream fantasy carried out?  I swear, a lot of women just kill me with their totally neurotic focus on a single day.  Have a nice small ceremony that you AND your immediate family can enjoy now and that you can afford.  Unless his parents are broke or ill, believe me, if their son is important to them, they will come for a wedding with your pastor or a JOP THIS year.  The buddies aren't nearly as important. My parents were married in a Catholic ceremony (no mass) with just their parents present.  My Mom wore a white suit (she wore it on and off for 10 years, I remember it) and a lovely corsage.  Later in the week, they had a family get together at my grandparents home and had an informal reception.  They just celebrated their 53rd anniversary.  No, my Mom didn't get the dream wedding she kindof wanted, but they did have a house in less than a year and no debt. Not many couples are in that position even if their parents pay for the wedding!

The only problem with a JOP wedding is that many feel it isn't a lofty enough ceremony. Therefore, I recommend your pastor.

I wanted a JOP wedding. My guy wanted some huge bash (and he's been married several times before), so we elected to have a small wedding instead. Whether it will be at a really small chapel or at a restaurant still remains to be decided.

Answer 6

First off, it's very, very typical to not have the real wedding.  Not on purpose of course, but I have three friends who did that exact thing and it never happened. Either because of new additions to the family or just the stress (good stress!) of married life and bills.

Also, I completely understand how you feel.  My fiance and I went through the same exact situation before I convinced him to wait.  I mean, we were together, had just purchased a home together and all of our bank accounts, bills, everything was in both of our names for years.  So, we've been planning our marriage for a year and a half.  Longer than most, but it's what we had to do to save money and rally everyone together for the big day.  It hasn't happened yet (November first!), so I can't tell you if it was worth it to wait instead of getting married in court then have the ceremony; but I do agree with you, I think it does take some of the excitement out of it if you're already married.

Good luck, and congratulations on your baby and your soon to be marriage, regardless of how you end up doing it! :)