Crazy mothers and the effect on their children?

Question

My man has told me his mother was "crazy" when growing up. She was critical of him and often acted irrationally. Now he has trouble staying at one job for long and has had a difficult time with relationships. Should I be nervous? I've heard about the issues that can come about from having a mother who is overly critical of their sons. Have any of you had a crazy mother but still managed to stay at the same job, marry, and not develop alcohol/drug issues?

He does NOT have drug/alcohol issues, but he is 39 and never been married or in a long term relationship. He also doesn't want to have s*x. Been together 5 months now.

Any input would be appreciated!

Answer 1

A much bigger factor than growing up with a "crazy" mom is being related to one.  Mental illness is quite often hereditary.  Read up on depression and bipolar.  If he seems to fit the description, tell him to get help.  If he gets help and sticks with it, you might have a great man.  If he won't get help or stick with it you're in for a bad relationship.    

Answer 2

Run.

Crazy mother or not, HE does not sound right.  Just read your own words.

1) has trouble staying at job for long

2) has difficult time with relationships

3) 39 and never been married

4) 39 and never had a long term relationship

5) do you want a mother-in-law like his mom?!  How about a Grandmother to your children like his mom?

Not wanting to have s*x could be because he actually has morals so I can't dock him for that but I think numbers 1 thru 5 are reason enough to look for a man you'd actually like to marry instead of this guy.

Also, family illnesses can certainly affect your children if you were to have any with this man.  I consider myself pretty sane and my husband, too.  But we both have histories of medical/mental problems in our backgrounds.  Our children got the worst of our genes.  3 of my 4 children have serious issues....so far.  It is extremely difficult to deal with.

You can't always predict the future but you can certainly use your head.  The best predictor of the future behavior is past behavior.  This guy won't change.   I think it is irrelevant whether or not his mother's craziness affected him.  He is the way he is and you won't change him.  Is this the kind of guy you can live with and not even want to try and change him?  It would be very unfair to him if you ultimately married this guy and then tried to "fix" him.

Things to think about.

Answer 3

All I can say is, crazy mothers can definitely have an effect on the child's way of thinking.  My mother could be classified as 'crazy'.  She acts irrationally, can't keep a job, and has an alcohol problem (although she did get married...to someone who was twelve years her senior).  Ironically, her mother was said to be crazy as well.

You shouldn't be too worried.  He is his own person and just because he isn't married at thirty-nine, doesn't mean he's hopeless (my father got married at 37).  Although, the not having a long-term relationship before is a little irking.  Good Luck, hopefully he's a keeper. :]

Answer 4

my mother is a crazy-fat-bipolar b*tch

my father is a mean fat drunk

has no impact on me

i live my life the way i want idc what they tell me

and people tell me im way nice...just im to dam shy

and ican hold a job...im 16 and have been working since i turned 16 in feb

ive had 2 girlfriends

one of 1.5 years

my current were 9 months and going strong

i also have no interest in drugs/alcohol

only thing ill do is blow smoke....and thats not hereditary...just cuz my friends smoke and i love the smell of black and milds (try it)

Answer 5

idk sorry

Answer 6

Children are surprisingly resilient.  Sometimes the ones with crazy parents turn out fine.

It does sound like this guy has issues, however.  They may or may not be as a result of his mother.  Only a trained therapist can tell you that.  It's okay to be 39 and never married--doesn't necessarily mean he's broken.  But the job instability and the s*x thing might be a red flag.

Answer 7

He has developed commitment issues and issues with intimacy from growing up in a dysfunctional family.  He is likely not going to change without years of therapy.  I would not invest any emotions in this man.

Answer 8

My dad's mother was the same way.

Let's just say there wasn't happy ending...

Answer 9

My dad was a little depressed and suffered from anxiety and he was overprotective, and, as a result, I am now VERY worried all the time about my little girl, actually, I worry about everything, and since he was so overprotective, I have lower self esteem because he never let me do anything on my own so now I feel afraind to do anything on my own, like I'll mess it up or something. I also suffer from anxiety and depression, we are all products of our environments, they effect our way of thinking greatly. I've managed some positive things but suffer many negative ones.