Crazy step-mom wants to be called Mama!!

Question

My step-mother wants to be called "Mama" by my children, as well as my nieces and nephews. I have two siblings and the oldest sib had the first grandchild 3 years ago. He and his wife felt uncomfortable with our step-mom being called Mama, but were too chicken too say anything, so instead they just don't call her anything, and let her call herself that.

Second brother and his wife felt that because first hadn't said anything, they shouldn't either. Same deal, they call her nothing. I just had a baby and was the only one with balls enough to tell her that I am Mama and only I am Mama. Said she can be Grandma or Nana, but she through a fit.

She and my father insist that I'm being unfair, selfish, rude, ridiculous... I have no right to say what she can and can't be called, I'm just insecure, etc. PLUS, other sibs joined in and said they don't want her called that either, so now I'm the ring-leader/trouble maker.

4 months after my son was born and she still isn;t speaking to me over this.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Answer 1

oh well she isnt even blood related. if she isnt speaking to you, it makes the whole thing easier, cuz the kids wont be calling her anything! tell her that you are the children's only mother and all motherly terms include

mom

ma

mama

momma

mommy

mother

tell her she can choose from the following

grandmom

mom mom

mumsy

granny

nana

grandma

granmaw

selfish b*tch

they are YOUR kids. jesus i would be so pis*sed off if i were you. i give you credit for even attempting to resolve the situation by asking on here! tell your brothers and sister to toughen up! she is being the rude one, tell her to embrace the fact that she is a GRANDMOTHER. and tell your kids to call her grandma/nana, and if she doesnt like it they dont have to talk to her at all!!!!

Good luck, hope she realizes she is being a selfish old hag!

Answer 2

If your step-mom wanted you and your siblings to call her "mama" I would understand, but your children? That is blatantly disrespectful to all of you. Do her children call HER mother mama? Somehow I doubt it.

By having your children call her mama she is taking power and control over your children that is rightfully yours away from you. Your father and she call you "insecure" for not wanting your children to call her mama? Throw that back at them, ask them why it's so important for your kids to call her mama, why not grandma or nana? Is she just "insecure"? ;)

This is a way for her and your father to not acknowledge that you are all grown-ups in your own right. If your kids should call HER mama, what should they call you? Sis? Auntie? It is obviously inappropriate and seems to serve no purpose other than to undermine you. Stick to your guns, you have right on your side. Eventually they will want to see their grandchildren again and if you and your siblings stick together they will have to give in and treat you with the respect you deserve as parents.

Of course, there is the chance that they may never decide to respect your choice.  But think about it like this, do you REALLY want your children to see you disrespected by these people, even if they are family? Giving in sends the message to your children that bullies get their way in the end. Be strong, whatever happens it is for the best.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I think you're right to be upset about this. That would be ridiculous and confusing for the grand kids too! Who's mama and who's grandma?

I would try to get the whole family together for an intervention on this one. Then maybe she could stop singling you out as a trouble maker and see that the whole family is having issues with this as well. Good luck!

Answer 4

good for tellling her how you feel, even for your siblings to just not call her anything is alright, but letting her know the you are the onLy mama is great  ... why in the h**l would she get upset and throw a fit ...hahaha silly woman .. keep your distance from her ... not talking to you after 4 months ... grandparents overstep sometimes, unintentional of course but let them know how yah feels and if they dont like it too bad ....nevermind the step-lady ... hows the lil boy anywhooo ?  

Answer 5

You have a right to set personal boundaries and limits in your life... after all, it's YOUR life.

If your step mother doesnt like your choices, it's too bad... she will have to live with them.

Apparently, your father and step mother think they have all the answers, by calling you unfair, selfish, rude, and other things.  Reality is, they need to stop trying to control your life, and control their own.

Personal boundaries are very important. They are all about self-preservation.  And if you are uncomfortable with something another person does or says, you have the right to let them know it has to stop.

take care.