Creative type with mental illness?

Question

I've been dealing with depression, self hatred and self destructive behavior for over 13 years. I am in my own way. I am super creative and multitalented but can't get it together. I'm scattered and indecisive. I am overwhelmed with my creativity I dont' know where to start. I'm in my mid 30's and i feel like i should have been a lot more successful by now. I know the root is learned behavior from my parents and childhood experiences. I want success as a musician, poet, photographer, actress, performer. But I can't even organize my thoughts and actions. I made the love of my life go away because I was so protective of my creative identity. And my career hasn't even worked out. So nothing is working out. I ended up in abusive and life threatening relationships. I had to move back home to get my life back. I haven't been dating for a couple years and spend most of my time alone. I feel like my life is over and that all my talent is a waste. what is my mental problem with this broken record pattern of being so overwhelmed i end up just wasting time? I"ve been on a lot of different meds and none of them work and i hate the side effects and withdrawls. I'm all over the place and constantly questioning my purpose and identity. I get so jealous so easily of other people's success and react by wanting to do what they are doing. I'm so mad at myself for not memorizing my poems. I'm sick of writing about all the wrongs that have happened to me. I'm so sick of being overwhelmed and supercreative i'm losing my mind.

Answer 1

You are not crazy, you might have a condition like a thyroid. High or low, it might cause you mental imbalances, trouble concentrating and such. You might be a very talented person, but

you have health issues to take care of first. You should sit down and draw a plan on what are your priorities, make a plan and make some time to take care of your health, exercises because it is connected to your mental clarity. If you spend all the time performing, and writing and whatever it creates more imbalance in your life. Get knowledge about being healthy, eating healthy, exercises  

Answer 2

You could be constantly cycling between agitated depression, euphoric mania, dysphoric mania and mixed states.

That would explain the creativity, but being overwhelmed, bleak outlook at things, destructive relationships, scattered everywhere, and the jealousy. I constantly cycle between dysphoric mania and euphoric mania and it makes life h**l, because you see the potential, but you can't do anything about it and just do self destructive things. It also has the highest risk of suicide.

It seems like you might be bipolar, mention that to the doctor next time. You might have been mistaken for depression, and given anti-depressants, when maybe you might need stronger/different medicine.

Answer 3

Try planning shorter projects or ones that you can do in bite size pieces that you know you won't finish quickly (take the pressure off)

Try meditating and visualizing finishing projects

If you are forcing creativity, give yourself a break from it

Figure out if you quit the meds because they didn't work, because you didn't work w/a doc long enough to tinker out most of the side effects, or that you just didn't get to where you accepted needing them

Figure out if you are self-defeating.  If so, work with a therapist on understanding why and overcoming it.