Creative ways to deal with 8yr old's anger NEEDED?

Question

I am not looking for people to tell me how to raise my child or that he is in need of learning right from wrong or counceling. What I am looking for is new ideas of how to teach him to control his anger. I know he has to be the one to take the steps but he is only 8 and needs guidance.

He blows when he does not get his way. It doesn't work at home he still has to do the chores or whatever he was asked. I don't react back and get into a fight. Calmly he loses a privlegde like tv, video games or fav toy from over night to longer if the problem continues. Or time outs and such. The problem is better but we have reached a point and can't seen to get past it.

So what are some of the ways you all help your children deal with times that they do not get their own way?? Thanks for the help and may you be blessed!

Answer 1

I would also suggest a punching bag.  Also get him a "feelings" box.  Let him decorate it the way he wants to...buy nice paper and pen.  When he is feeling angry or happy or whatever he writes it down and puts it in the box. At the end of the day you sit with him quietly maybe b4 bed and go through it.  Let him explain why he felt that way and you can talk to him about it.  Although he is probably too old for this get a "happy" face page.  There are faces with all sorts of feelings and he can go and put that face on the fridge or wherever it is kept.  He can then discuss the feeling when he is feeling better.  I also take things away from my son (he is 12 and has ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome), but I do let him earn things back with good behaviour.  IE told no computer for the rest of the day...if he behaves and there is no other incidents he can earn it back for 2 hours in the afternoon.  To earn it back he will automatically go and do extra chores...at the moment it's folding the washing.  Makes him aware that it's not all negative.  Good luck.

Answer 2

I've found that mixed martial arts works great for my children who are 7 year old boys, punching bags, soccer, trampoline or a bath...sometimes tea or hot choclate for some down time...

Answer 3

get a belt and bend him over your knee and beat his ***, this is whats wrong with most parents now scared of your kids letting them tell you what they gone do. You get a belt and you let him have it, and watch that little "anger" problem go away. He'll know not to do whatever he's doing if he gets the taste of leather.

Answer 4

martial arts teaches discipline and self control..sign em up!

Answer 5

i get my feelings out by drawing pictures and ripping them up sometimes and sometimes I get them out by punching the wall but I wouldn't recommend telling him that

Answer 6

My youngest is a lot that way, a girl and 7. One thing I say is stop and say it dont scream it, if you are not capable of that go in your room until you are. Or I tell her go scream in your pillow and come back. She also looses things etc. I have found it more effective to take something immediately and keep taking things until she stops. She once lost 20 things because after the first 3 things I started taking 5 at a time. And she has to be good for one night and one day to get them back if she acts up she looses more and a day is added on to the original things. it has taken time but it has slowly gotten a LOT better because she hates loosing her favorite things. I also put them in our family room where she can see them but not get them up on a book case, she has never tried to get them, yet LOL. I told her if she ever did it would be a month instead of a day. I think seeing them all the time they cannot have them hits home a little more.

The corner and naps still really work on her as well, she despises both and says only little kids do that, and I tell her you are acting like a 2 yr old so you get 2 yr olds type punishment with the corner or a nap.

You have to find out what gets to him and stick with it. With hot tempered kids you can never slack off no matter how tired or frustrated you are get up and act immediately and every time.

Good luck, I understand your frustration too well LOL I also make sure to reinforce the fact that I love her and always will but I DO NOT like the way she is acting. I have even at times told her that her behavior is rude and I do not speak to rude little girls and that when she can act like the well manered little girls I know she is she can come back and talk to me until then leave me alone. It is kind of mean but she got the point very quickly and tries very hard to talk to me about it instead of yelling and if she cant hold it she goes to her bed on her own now until she can. I also make sure I tell her how proud I am of her when she does well on controlling her temper. That I understanding wanting to do it, I feel  that way at times but I choose not to do it.

And for all the people that will say spank, I tried that it did no good she would rather take a spanking than loose something. I also do not think it is a good form of punishment.

Answer 7

My daughter was having unusually awful temper tantrums during a particularly difficult year for the family.  We did therapy for awhile just to get some coping tools and they worked great!  Her favorite was to make a drawing of the thing/person upsetting her then she'd get to shred, pound, jump on and stuff the paper in the trash.  It always got her giggling instead.

Another item the therapist mentioned was a kick-bag.  My 2 kids and I were in martial art class so we got a kick bag to give her someplace safe to take out the anger.

Good luck!

Answer 8

BEAT HEM OR HER

Answer 9

I'm not a parent or anything, but my cousin used to be terrible at controlling his anger. She just ended up giving him a hammer and making him hit a piece of wood. The punching bag sounds safer though :)

Answer 10

psycartist or super nanny!!

Answer 11

I would suggest to go up to him and nicely ask whats wrong. If he screams then ask him if he needs a hug. He still needs love so just give him a hug. Then ask him why he did whatever he did or something. If he is calmer now, then maybe you can explain to him that he can't do that..

Children need to be disiplined but they need to understand and its hard for them.

Answer 12

My 7 year old has temper tantrums I ignore her until she stops. It works about 85% of the time.

Answer 13

Hi :)

I only really know a wee bit....I used to babysit a family of four (6m,2y,8y,10yrs)

8 year old was Corey and he had A.D.D.... I guess its completely diferent from a parents point of view but he used to love me because i bribed him :S i think bribes are the answer until they get past it. it shouldnt last for too long.

What are the things he likes, that you can give him? -Movies, Theme Parks, Playstation..... or anything that he likes that you have control over.

At the end of the week, say sunday, or friday even (maybe he'd like a friend over for a weekend night) then sit him down after school and ask him what he'd like to do/have if in your opinion hes been 'well behaved'...

I can remember my parents taking things away from me, and to be honest it didnt work. it fired me up more and id cry and go to sleep and wake up and still be angry LOL

In my honest opinion I think its better to reward(in the end) than take away.

I cant get my feelings into words LOL handy huh

Anyway I used to see Coreys parents get really worked up about him throwing a tantrum. And sometimes theyd let me step in (i think it was because i was younger,and i understood more about why he was angry..koz im only recently out of the angry stage haha afew years maybe) so i'd step in and hold him at arms length and ask what was wrong,and what did he want to do about it.and quickly in my mind i would make an A B C list of options for him to choose from.

Try that perhaps it will work, but definately rewards.

If not, get a babysitter! I'd do it if i was around lol

Also, sports? does he have someway of unleashing his anger? running,biking,swimming,tennis,football.... trampoline even....

Hope this helps. even though i ramble!xx

Answer 14

hun as a mother of a 12 yr old boy and still going thru the same things u have  i have tried the  taking things away and grounding him and everything else dont seem to be working,but hes with out a father, an i ma single mom, so that may be his issues  , unlike ur son im not sure what his deal is,but i think its just a thing about boys going thru the stage of being disrespectful, and not listening, my son is gettin better and it does get easier with age and time just be  there  and  let him know u r the one in control, no matter what he uses on u stand firm, not too harsh but make sure he knows u r the boss and he is the child no matter  what his age ..and if u need any more u can email me...i have girls too so i know...lol

Answer 15

Well, you know your kid, so I don't know if this will work for you...  However, try the reverse of what you're doing.  Sometimes, having and angry outburst is WORTH getting the tv taken away, you know?  My friend is a special ed teacher and she's got all sorts of kids, many of whom have anger issues.  With the parents, the idea is that if the child can get through the week without any serious outbursts (without reasoning it out) they get a prize.  Granted, we are talking about special needs children who sometimes are literally unable to control their out burts, but you get the idea. So, perhaps offer a prize at the end of each week if he doesn't "blow."

Also, have you considered having a reaction?  If you are always calm, that doesn't show him how you feel.  Have you tried getting angry?  I'm NOT saying yelling, or hitting, but calm anger (you know, the evil eye?) might have a different effect.  

Obviously, what you're doing isn't working...  so it's time to just start seeing what gets an appropriate reaction out of him.  Tell him you are disappointed in his behavior, then tell him exactly why.  Sometimes, embarrassment (not humiliation, but making him aware of how shameful and un-grown-up his behavior is) can be an effective tool.

Maybe get him involved in some physical exercise.  Swimming, sailing, soccer, karate, running, whatever.  Maybe you can get him too exhausted to "blow."

Good luck!  Don't take any of his c**p.  You are the mommy, you said so, you're taller and bigger than he is and you make the rules!!!

:-)

Answer 16

Sometimes just sending children to their rooms until they can control themselves works,  maybe though he needs to 'work' off that anger, by exercising, a friend of mine made her son a punching bag  and he would go box it when he was angry.

The key for her was intervene before he lost control.

Answer 17

When your 8 yr old is angry and having a tantrum get some easel paper(the big paper that you see in kindergarten)+ some crayons and marker and tell him to draw on the paper until he isn't angry anymore.I used this method on my son and he relieved alot of anger. Over time he's learned to calm himself through drawing and i have to say he's very an artistic boy.Don't worry mom, just let him draw the anger out o.k

Answer 18

i don't know if this helps but my adhd son is medication free, but if he is not allowed to indulge his need for physical activity (he is in every sport I can afford) he becomes agggressive, angry and agitated...With a full sports calander he is as sweet as can be....oh and TV seems to make it worse.. He easily fixates on an activity...but if that  activity is sedentary he gets mentally agitated.