Criticize my poem? :) I want to improve!?

Question

Kissing poison in the rain

treading down this memory lane

camouflage these tears I cry

can you tell this is goodbye?

Kisses to apologize

for all the hurt and all the lies

so one last time to feel this bliss

the taste of poison's bitter kiss

Answer 1

Improve? That's impossible! You truly have a talent for poetry. This is absolutely amazing.

If you really want a critic, then I would say make it a little teenzy bit longer.

Answer 2

it's actually very good. which is to say that I like it.

"treading down this memory lane" has some rhythm issues. "memory" is anapest while the rest is iambic, if I haven't forgotten the terms. so its' kind of out of place - maybe a revision could help that.

"can you tell this is goodbye?" doesn't seem to further the point of the poem very much - it sounds like filler content. maybe something new there?

I like the second (last) stanza a lot. only thing I might suggest there is some punctuation.

Answer 3

OMG this poem is sik (meaning extremely good). I write poems myself but I sure can't top that. keep writing poems, you have a gift. use it for good.

Answer 4

i think it is perfect! i love it! your really good and you dont need to improve any part of it

Answer 5

Honest opinion: nothing to improve. You are an awesome poet and that's a God given talent that not everyone has. Just keep writing and it isn't other peoples opinion if it's good or not. If you think it's great then it's great it doesn't take anyones criticism to change that.