Critique My Poem: Life is a Salad Bar!!!?

Question

Rich and Poor

There are some

People rich

There are some

People poor

Some people have more

Some people have less

Some people

Have happiness

Others

Unhappy and sad

Life is a mix

A salad bar

Full of tomatoes

Cucumbers

And

Onion rings.

Answer 1

Try harder - hardly worth the effort it took to read. You have been 'Ianoed'.

Answer 2

nice poem!!

Answer 3

Love it! its funny and true

how bout' mine? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

It's cute really like the ending where you added the humor, it kind of gave it a little twist!!  Cheers

Answer 5

The idea behind this poem is unique.   The ending is much  stronger than the beginning, though.  It seems like two different poems put together.

I would consider editting the title to "Salad" or "Salad Bar."  Start with "Life is a mix," and then continue to add to your poem.  Work with the image you have going here, the colors, the feelings the colors, textures, items emit.  By saying "life is a mix" you've already established what this poem is about.

Show, don't tell..this will develop into a fun poem about a serious subject. Best wishes.