Critique my poem, be honest.

Question

Lot's on my mind right now, heard writing could be therapeutic. Here we go, be honest please.

A mind shot

So tired and beat

Time to let go

Just hope you forgot

Do I over analyze and contemplate

Should I be confused

Looking for something to compensate

For this lack of being

Sounds like misery

Feels like complacency

Did I miss that boat or

Is it coming back for me

I hear the music

But my senses defy me

It’s time to use it

Could be my last chance

If it were a light switch

I’d hold it down til death

Thought I’d be ok

Just take a breath

Answer 1

Good job! It is amazing! I think its honestly AWESOME

You are a EXCELLENT writer!!

Keep writing

-♥ Taylor ♥

Answer 2

On the positive side, I like your use of alliteration in the first and second stanzas.  You went away from it though.  

I didn't like the overuse of cliches which starts halfway through the poem and ends with fatalism.  

I would rework the third and fourth with a view towards less cliche and more of what is actually making the protagonist miserable.  This might also help us understand 1) what's the shot and 2) what was forgot.

Answer 3

This is a good poem.

It shows emotion.

Where are your commas and periods?

Something just isn't right though.

It needs work.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I like it a lot. It has a great rhythm, and it flows very well. I honestly can't find anything wrong with it. Kudos!

Answer 5

lost love? heart break?

you want this person back or not?

I ask because it leaves the readers wondering what's next? what did he decide to do? Did he take the last chance or not?  

I think it's truly amazing and you did a wondefrul job!  

Answer 6

It's honestly an amazing poem.

i'm not really digging the last two lines in the third stanza tho

i can really feel the emotion you put into it.

heart break i'm guessing?