Critique my poem! Be constructive, please!?

Question

Elegy

I look forward to haunting you,

refusing obedient rest

beneath a cold marble silhouette – the silent muse

of childhood picnics

and walking home

drowsy

from the cemetery on the hill.

Now I lay me down

atop sun-warmed concrete monuments,

their faces wrinkled by the stonecutter’s hand-

names and dates

tethering the sleeper,

forcing him to stay

respectably cold & dead

until rapture.

I will tickle you,

weaving the circle of songs,

mocking the finite

with language’s long memory.

There is more living

than can be wedged

into the lead-lined vault of

an average life

span.

(Copyrighted)

Answer 1

great imagery, contrasting assonance and alliteration, cadence in syllabic structure.  i didn't have a problem with the word tickle, but the poem does seem to miss a step in that general area.  perhaps shortening the word until to 'til? regardless, bravisimo.

Answer 2

Wow its really nice. its one of those poems that really makes you feel an emotion.

My constructive comment would be... when i got to the word tickle it just killed the rest for me. maybe thats just me but i have to say it. Really Really good otherwise