Critique my poem: The Path of the Wayfarer...?

Question

PATH OF THE WAYFARER

Over lofty mountain, under sea a thousand fathoms deep,

Over wandering cloud, under watchful sun, under night skies that never sleep

I am the Wayfarer and my long lonesome path meanders to the west

I follow the path to the realm of the setting sun and in my withered hand I clutch an ancient pipe

I am the Wayfarer, and I shall pipe a song with zest

For the way is long and wearisome, the night young and I sing my impending plight

The beautiful sunrise heralds a new day

But alas! My soul cannot hold sway

Long shadows cross my path and chill winds this way come

I struggle to keep the shadows at bay

My path rounds a treacherous bend

Could my wayfaring days so soon near an end?

Yesterday, the day was forever beautiful

But now, day has turned to the darksome night

My fate is sealed, I cannot vanquish my plight

I was in the bloom of youth, my full days as yet unlived

As I walk alone on the now darkening path,

Pipe of time immemorial in hand, song in mouth, I look towards the west

And chance to see the desolate landscape

I feel as though I am a ripple in the sea

Smashing my soul asunder, like thunder, but alas! Let it be

The lives of my comrades all tossed away

Yesterday they were many, now I walk this path alone

I walk this empty path alone, pipe in hand, sad song in mouth and I sing:

“I am the Wayfarer and my path takes me to the west,

For ‘tis the land of the setting sun, where my soul shall rest”

My last breath is drawn and my soul starts to yearn

Most accursed thing! When will they ever learn?

The heavenly orb is sinking beneath the horizon,

As the naked shadows do grow longer still

Amongst the shadowy trees is the Grim Reaper, mouth ajar,

In scornful laugh, eyes ablaze, his scythe sharp

But every darksome night brings forth many a star

I see God’s Angel, descending, wings unfolding, strumming his harp

I am a wayfarer and my path meanders to the west; now it has ended

I gaze behind me towards the east, the way I have come

And I wonder about rays of another day

The moon in its loyal majesty and stars in their multitudinous cry

Start a-shining; I go to rest beyond the hallowed land of the sun

My soul starts to shine from afar

Just like a beautiful star

To shine away the disputes of Man

So he may ever learn; that we are all wayfarers

Do hear the wind whisper wayfarers all: your path is one and the same!

Daniel Kamete

Tell me what you think. Be brutally truthful if you must.

Cheers

/Danny

Answer 1

i think that this poem is good

Answer 2

Wtf are you talking about?? THIS IS MY POEM!!!!! HAHAHA

COPYRIGHT

Answer 3

it  was beauitful

Answer 4

Great job, you should really submit it to http://www.papertank.com and see what they think.

I bet you could get a high rating for it on there!