Critique my poem ja???

Question

I love admiring your body

When I’m feeling naughty

I want to hug you so tight

Just to tell you things are alright

I love the way

Your chest feels

As our bodies sway

Your loving is just unreal

Your skin is velvet

I love wearing you

You taste like milk chocolate

And are always on my menu

You make my day

Just by how incredible you are

I want you to stay

And never travel far

Any comments (good or bad) are welcome.

Answer 1

Your rhyme scheme sounds a little forced and simplistic, and only works against the flow of the poem. Try writing in freeform and see if it sounds more natural. Also, try to come up with more unique ways to phrase things. Words like "incredible" and "unreal" are pretty generic.

But overall this isn't a bad poem. Regardless of its critical merits, I'm sure the person you wrote it about would love to read it.  

Answer 2

First stanza, line 4 doesn't make sense, as if you just wrote it for the sake of rhyming.

Second stanza, Line 4 I don't know what you mean by "loving". Loving is an adjective, you've used it as a noun.

Overall, your expressions are pretty shallow. If you were struggling with the rhyming, I suggest you try free verse. but bear in mind, poetry is a form of art. what sets poetry from prose is it's "deepness" in expressing images and emotions.

You have to paint our imaginations as skillfully as an artist.

Answer 3

I agree with the dude above me lol and god that made me sound so ignorant and stupid... poetry isn't about rhyming at all... rhyming is ok but profoundness in your words would be so much better then " fly, die, hi, sigh, tie" try describing the body, the sensations you feel when you caress it with the tips of your fingers, the emotions and desires you feel...  also look for a thesaurus...make the words sound erotic and not...general and emotionless...