Question:

Critique this poem please!?

by  |  earlier

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The tips of her wings were once dipped in blood

and there was a time when she wore a halo of barbed wire...

that I saw turn to rust in lonely late night rain,

when she was younger.

I read their eyes when they

saw her walk across the stage,

when they watched her try to fly with wings that they

had created for her in their minds,

I heard their hearts laugh

when they saw her relationships come and go

and fade over time....

They had no right to judge, she was still beautiful despite the mistakes.

I watched as she searched for the soft part of her heart,

for the flame in her soul that seemed

to have been extinguished

when she sighed,

how she sat and cried because there was nobody to hold her,

because she felt the wings were too heavy,

and that she could never let go,

that her halo had cut too deep and would be a permanent

crown of her failures.

I watched her

when they first met,

the way she smiled and he seemed to say all of the right things,

how he held her face and removed the false crown with gentle hands,

how he turned her around and pulled the wings out from her back...

through her tears I saw her smile, and I saw him smile back, felt deep in my heart their love for each other...

how they understood each other's souls,

how they both wanted to kiss, but couldn't admit it,

and when they did

the world seemed

to fade away behind them,

Stone hearts are hard to crack and

I watched,when hers shattered during their first kiss and

she

took in a deep breath full of love, of dreams, of hope,

for the first time in a long time.

The wings hang in her closet, because he knows she would rather

be barefoot, running

and chasing after dreams...

the barbed wire halo is under his bed,

and when I took one last look at it, I

saw

flowers intertwined with the thorns.

Love conquers all,

ths angel is free.

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  1. That is beautiful!  I am new to this poetry lark, and as yours doesn't rhyme, it took me a couple of stanza's to get into the rhythm, but I love the way it evolves through the poem from dark into light, and I also like the way it harks back to the themes of the wings and barbed wire halo at the end, but with hope injected!  Bravo!

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