Critique this.?

Question

I know I already posted it but I only got one answer :(

Extra sweet, with a flower on the side,

Hundreds of colors, not just for the eye,

A picture, one hundred memories unwind,

Those wonderful notes, ringing in my ears,

A soft kiss, the last thing I know,

As I drift into a forever sleep.

Answer 1

the title should be nothing

Answer 2

I dont like it. It just feels like words that are ment to mean something but there is no emotion behind them. Sorry. That my opinion.

Answer 3

Average girl,

I will give it to you... the image is positive and beautiful, but I hate the timing and it's too short... Grade  B+   ...May I?

WHY

You're extra sweet

With a flower on the side,

Colors at my feet

Drift to clouds very high

One million memories

As clear as the sky,

I'll never ask you why

And I'll never tell you goodbye

I look at your picture

How lucky am I,

The one thing that is sure

Our love will never die

Your name whispered softly

Makes my heart want to fly,

I'll never ask you why

And I'll never tell you goodbye

As I drift into my sleep

I hold you close by,

Precious times you want to keep

Until the day that you die

Nothing less than a beautiful rainbow

So pleasing to the eyes,

I'll never ask you why

And I'll tell tell you goodbye

I'll never ask you why

And I'll never tell you goodbye...

Answer 4

Its one long sentence. More punctuation would make more sense, nice imagery, just needs a bit polishing, I would like it longer also.

Answer 5

blah..

Answer 6

Extend it, add about 2 more stanzes....it seems very unfinished. The emotion is there, but it seems terribly half finished.

Answer 7

I love the last line:

As I drift into a forever sleep.

Perfect last verse in my opinion!  Maybe a little more after this verse:

Those wonderful notes, ringing in my ears,

I liked it and felt it was heart felt, see how every one is different, yes it could be a little longer, but loved that last verse!!  Cheers!!

Answer 8

I have to say it is quite good, well written and nice flow, I could read it without fault, however I felt t lacking, I need more to become involved with the meassage, well done.

Answer 9

Amazing poem. I love it