Critique thiss Poem plz..FEEDBACK.?

Question

A poem called Crime. wrote it in 35 mintues sooo have at it.

Captivity, the day shines through my window so beautifully

but today it will have nothing to do with me

im prisoner of your love..

Misery, all because you claim your love for me

and this love is killing me softly but surely

my defences are of no use..

Insanity, takes over what is left of me

escape engagingly beckons me

my attempts remain hopeless..

Mercilessly, you weaken the light that dwells in me

and disturb the peace of mind i once enjoyed freely

the darkness has come to life..

Eventually, you've succeded in destroying me

though your only intention was to 'love me'

the wind still carries my colorless flag..

10 points 2 the person that figures out why the poem is called crime. a last minute title btw.

Answer 1

well your poetry is definitely the right type, its only good when its depressive, its good the rimes work along with one another and crimes means the things he is not doing in the relationship and hurting you in the making making it a crime, yay

Answer 2

Time to quit playing the victim and find someone new

Answer 3

Well, I'm not going to take the time to try to figure out why it's called "Crime", not at this time, I'm too tired to think.

But I can tell you, I really do like that poem. It's something that I think everyone can relate to in some way, and if not, at least I know that I can feel the meaning in more than one way.

Answer 4

Line 2 get rid of "but" and insert comma after beautifully in Line 1.

Line 3 insert "captivity" in front of "im"

Line 5 get rid of "and" insert a comma after surely

Line 7 get rid of the comma after insanity

Line 10 get rid of the comma after mercilessly

Line 12 capitalize "The"

Line 13 get rid of the comma after "eventually.

Line 14 get rid of the word "though" and capitalize "Your"

Line 15 capatialize "The".

I would only put periods after these lines:

Line 2

Line 11

The crime of passion.  I enjoyed reading it, you have a gift.  To add some flair you could use a TAB indent offset the look of the lines on paper.  Be consistant and get rid of all those periods!  Thanks for sharing.

Answer 5

the name is crime because she or he stole ur love

Answer 6

Could this possibly pertain to a prisoner being executed? Nice work regardless.

Answer 7

good poem did this person "steal your innocence, or your heart"

Answer 8

Because CMIME isn't a word.

Answer 9

Your poem is fantastic, but "cmime" is not a word, like to seem to have spelled out in your details.

Answer 10

pritty good did u make it cos if u did ur awsome

was it called crime because thats what its about

Answer 11

sexual abuse? is that why it's called crime?

Answer 12

I like it a lot... i think it is called crime because the speaker or narrator because they hope to steal their his or hers lovers soul and innocence... he wants to love her but ends up hurting them both. He feels as though he has committed a crime and should be punished...  

Answer 13

Is it called crime because it's a crime against all poets everywhere?