Critisize my poem? ..................thanks?

Question

Across the field from I,

The enemy points and aims,

A line of amo soars,

And ends a family name.

Across the field a man,

Just 20 years of age,

Blessed with the gift of life,

I fire out of rage.

The enemy reloads,

I hear a fiery blast,

My friend is shot and killed,

Anger to hot to last.

I load my gun with rage,

This b*****d's gonna to pay,

I pull the trigger and pray,

God kill this angry sage.

But god is busy now,

Across the graveyard lay,

A dieing soldier man,

Praying today be my last day

I fire one last shot,

The enemy does the same,

The lord answers both our prayers,

And ends this fiery game.

By: Trevor S.

Answer 1

Thats sad. And sorry if it makes sense to me I usually can't critisize it.

Answer 2

Okay, 3rd line, it's spelt "ammo".

12th line it's "too" not "to"

14th line..it's "This b*****d's going to pay"

19th line, you spelt dying wrong.

That's what "Spell Check" is for.

Answer 3

Take out the swearing and I bet people will like it better. It's ok, I would say. Keep up the good work, and keep reading other poets.. =)

-Snork

Answer 4

It sucks sorry

Answer 5

That's reallly good. Do you write regularly?

Answer 6

i really like it

but i think it would be good if you didnt use rage 2 times.

Answer 7

Sounds a bit corny. Its not that great, but I've heard much much worse

and there are much better websites to get your poem critisized than yahoo answers.

Answer 8

Wow, violent!!

Answer 9

Dying-not dieing but otherwise its pretty spectacular

Kudos

Answer 10

i didnt read it!

Answer 11

That is good.

Very...

Emotional!

Hey...

Um what state do you live in?

Because I think I may know you..

Answer 12

hey hey hey!! we need the war and god always listens!! so take your poem and throw it away.... but it did rhime a little but it still sucked couse it ain't true!!!!!!!!

Answer 13

its terrible, all those buttons you look like steve harvey.

Answer 14

Oh my god, that's beautiful and expresses the true conventionality's of war, Its good, but it really depends how old you are, if your a seventh grader or something thats amazing, if your a graduate, then its ok to average, If your in High school then its good.

Answer 15

It's okay. It's not phenomenal but a great start. You spelled dying wrong, by the way. : )

Answer 16

ohh wow! you are truly amazing! psh! i could never do that! well.....

1. Capitalize "God"& "Lord" because it's a proper noun

2. it's "dying" not "dieing"

3. I think it's "ammo" not "amo" i think.....

but other than that GREAT JOB!

Answer 17

dude thats very awesome!

Answer 18

wow. It's really good. But one thing I didn't really like was how you used "b*****d" in there. It sounds kinda... modern and rude. If you know what I mean. It's a beautiful poem though! I love it!

Answer 19

to violent, but i'm a lovey dovey poem person. very nice, i never could follow the rules, :P i like free style.

Silence.....

I listen to the silence

as i lay down here to think

of the person most dear to me.

I can't get him off my mind,

I want to, yet I don't

I wonder.....is there hope.

I love him so dearly

I need him so much

Yet afraid to tell him

your my true love.

I wonder if he thinks of this

I wonder if he cares

I wonder........does anyone..

I toss and turn as I try to get some peace

Get these things off my mind

Yet it seems

this can only be a dream..

wrote this one as i was sitting here, not edited you see, but this is my style, my life, you see.

Answer 20

i like it !!!