Critque My Poem: Whirl Wind of Love?

Question

I got caught in a whirl wind of love

I fell down, down, down

And love, love, love

kept me down, down, down

When the whirl wind subsided

My heart was wreck, wreck, wreck

Now I am in love, love, love

And love will remain for ever

And we will remain together

For ever, ever and ever

Answer 1

looks like its a free verse,but good.try adding some rythm to your poems try setting some mood

Answer 2

the poem is not bad, and has no apparant meter, so i am guessing it is free verse. free verse is difficult, so i commend you on your effort. you could try putting a heroic couplet on the end to tie it together, but otherwise very nice! keep writing!

Answer 3

I actually really like it. The repeating of the words is kind of cool, just try not to do so much of it or it ends up sorta crappy. But I like this, it reminds me of a personal experience. Also, I don't mean to sound rude, but when you ask people to critique your poem, you must know you're going to get good AND bad responses. But I actually really like this.

<33

Answer 4

   please don't confuse constructive critism with negativity. once you post ur personal creativity on this site asking for peoples opinions its fair game and u have to try ur best not to get offended.

    its not a good poem. find a cute melody for it and its a much better song. a song i'd probably even listen to.

Answer 5

i dont want to be rude, but have you ever heard ring of fire by johnny cash?

your poem is exactly like that song, but lacking in grammar and rythym...

and i dont think the term whirlwind makes sense...

write something else, i want to see what you can do because youre not bad, just maybe inexperienced...

Answer 6

well, for starters your first two lines are confusing.

imagining a whirlwind physically, it would take an object up - then

smash it down. i would not leave out the details the "whirlwind" part of this love. its important also because it will help describe why your heart is a wreck.....then why you're love will remain forever.

I dont see the need to repeat certain words 3 times. "down, love, down, wreck, love, ever" although it does seem to work in the last 3 or 4 lines.