Critque my poem pleaseeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

black broken hearts

stabbed by fine sharp darts

bleeding black

all witch i can say I'm under attack

all i can say is I'm okay

when I'm dying inside day by day

all i can say is this

an i the only one who exists

l

Answer 1

nice thoughts...and wonderful flow...

still i would say..if u ever find ur heart bleeding black..

jst close ur eyes and let the venom flow out...

hold ur firend..and hold him tight...

tell him everything wrong or right..

darts of pain.. can be gaurded on...

just look for the rose..beside that thorn...

dnt corrode with ur self...

if u hv noone... be your own special help...

Answer 2

nice poem interesting

Answer 3

It's dark and depressing.

Answer 4

it makes me sad....it a good poem though i like it...and i can relate cuz i feel likt his sometimes...well actually alot

hope this helps =]

Answer 5

im not sure what your trying to say.

but i know your pretty depressed.

Answer 6

Yes spelling is a bit of an issue but that can be worked on

The poem doesnt feel complete and is a little basic at times

If you cleaned it up a bit, it could be much better

Answer 7

I think the general concept of the poem is great--depression and grief. It has the aura of darkness and mystery.

However, there are a great deal of grammatical, and spelling mistakes, which make it quite hard to understand.

Answer 8

I have no clue why you would come to that conclusion so abruptly. When I thought about the meaning I was left void of thought for a few minutes, and then knew what you were thinking.

I think this poem is the slipping away of excess thoughts caught in an attempt to obtain insignificant attention, which once given, seeps into the core of the black and unused heart, giving  it a spark, but no glow.

Seek ye the glow of the pure in heart.

This consummating corruption which defiles you, you must stray from to gain some peace of mind.

Answer 9

jim he spelled everything right

this is a pretty good poem actually

not my type of style, but it sounds deep

Answer 10

you seem sad :[

the poem is very deep and i enjoyed reading it.

but it makes me want to know what is going on inside ur head.

i like it

Answer 11

learn how to spell... by the way, it sounds like s**+*  

Answer 12

its stupid and you spelled stuff wrong

Answer 13

Make a metal song out of it Disturbed style.

Answer 14

youre vocabulary needs work, it sounds akward and stiff. but with a little work it could be a good heavy metal song