Critque this poem?

Question

In dreams,your eyes are closed.

Everything is filled with joy.

Being surrounded my laughter and smiles.

wishing you never wake up.

In reality your eyes are open

To a world known for pain and sorrow

living each day being endangered of being dead

wishing your dreams could come to reality

and reality could come to your dreams

thats when you have nightmares

Answer 1

I like your poem.  You asked me to critique it.  I enjoyed changing the structure a bit:

Dreams….eyes closed

Everything is joy….surrounded

Laughter and smiles….awake

Your eyes open

Everything sorrow and pain

Death endangers days while dreams of night but comfort…

if only light might shine on night and day but be a dream.

Answer 2

Its good but it is mising something somewhere I dont know exactly where ....hmmm....I think it is the last line it doesnt come together neatly there is a little pice missing to this puzzle figure it out and it will be great.

Answer 3

Just changed a couple of words so it made more sense.  Love the poem, the form and the message.  Just take your time writing to be sure you're using the correct words and that you're not leaving any out.

In dreams,your eyes are closed.

Everything is filled with joy.

Being surrounded my laughter and smiles.

wishing you'll never wake up.

In reality your eyes are open

To a world known for pain and sorrow

living each day in danger of dying

wishing your dreams could come to reality

and reality could come to your dreams

thats when you have nightmares

Answer 4

I loved it!! Good Job!! :)

Answer 5

I LOVE IT!! DID YOU WRITE IT??

Answer 6

Indeed there is such a sense of peace and joy when you dream. It is as if you have entered another realm away from all the sorrows, uncertainties, and tribulations of the "real" world.

I love to dream. Every night I ask God to give me a pleasant dream. Usually he meets my request. Then I can travel to strange and exotic places. I can pretty much create my own world, free as a bird. My dream life is not constrained by all of the societal mores. I am the producer and the director of my own film. In one particular instance I was transported to Greece. I was hovering over a religious procession in a small village. A musical band was playing as they moved through the street. Just like a bird, I could see the whole scene including the people's faces. It was wonderful....!

I can certainly relate to your poem. Dreams are great.

Answer 7

that is an awsome poem it really shows what we wish

Answer 8

i like it but i think you meant "by" laughter and smiles

Answer 9

It seems like that you've gone to things at your age. Perhaps, you mature early, which is good. However, it seem like that you have some source of suicide thoughts, or you hates reality. You want to live your life as if 1+1 = 1,000,000, but in reality, 1+1=2.  1,000 x 1,000 = 1,000,000. 500,000+500,000 =1,000,000... etc. Life can be very tough, and most of us, if not all, want to live in our dreams. However, we can't; but we can work really hard, and make that dream come true. Most dreams last about 20 minutes, but lives last about 80 years. You have the choice to choose whether you'll work hard, and live to the fullest; or live the fullest in a dream that last only 20min a night.