Cuckoo in-laws, please help!?

Question

I asked a question a few days back pertaining to this but the situation has changed. It seems that every time I am near my wife's sister and her husband they feel the need to insult me. Usually it's not directly but instead it's something like college graduates are really stupid (neither of them are grads but both me and my wife are) or treating me like a child. Anyway, it is very bothersome behavior on their part. I have put up with it for quite some time now at nearly every family gathering my wife's family has--which happens to be alot. I have talked to my wife about it and until recently when we got into an argument about it she swept it under the rug. The day we got into an argument she wrote an e-mail to her sister telling her that I have felt offended by their recent behavior and we should all sit down to clear the air. He sister refused saying that it would only turn into an argument. I was curious because if I was feeling offended by their behavior and basically avoiding them at family functions how could something that I said have offended them thus they think a simple talk would turn into an argument. It turns out that my wife wasn't telling me the whole story. It turns out that about a year ago I apparently offended them without knowing I did by saying that I thought that people with college degrees had an advantage over those that didn't have one. I don't recall sayging that because ever since I have known them I have known that they are super sensitive so even if I felt that way I never would have said it around them. I''m sure of that. Well it turns out that the whole reason that they're mad is that I supposedly made this comment which they didn't agree with and now they have been trying to belittle me since. They don't want to talk and my wife seems to be tired of me asking her to think of solutions so I asking what should I do about these people? By the way, I should add. I am aware that I am an in-law and in normal circumstances I would say that even if they didn't want to talk I would pull them aside at a gathering and talk to them anyway. However, the last time I spoke up to anyone in my wife's family I was banned from going to that person's house for any family functions that happened there. It created alot of tension and it turned out that even though I wasn't the offender I had to apoligize to a person with an already big head. I'm sure this may be part of the reason my wife's sister see's me as an easy target. Please help yahoo answerer's!

Answer 1

wow dude..you don't seem like a people person. lol. jk. i think maybe they think you're bigheaded. you should really make sure at the next gathering to watch yourself. see if your head stays the same size. they don't really like you because they think you think you're better than them for having a degree. i would try again to ask your wife's advice and talk to the other people...if it doesn't work...forget it. people are stubborn....just be as nice as you can to them and hope for the best.  

Answer 2

If you react, you only give them the power over you that they seek.

Kill them with niceness!

The nastier they get, the nicer you get. Make a game of it! Trust me, it can be fun if you let it be fun.

Answer 3

I cannot say I would be particularly offended by their comment as I would see it as jealousy and feel a bit sorry for them. Maybe you could just see where the bitterness is coming from. They probably feel inferior to you and it comes out in inappropriate remarks. You may want to approach them and tell them that you do not recall making the comment to them but sincerely apologize as it was not intended to be personal. Tell them that you respect them and know they are intelligent and will be successful in anything they do.

It sounds to me that either your personality rubs them the wrong way in which case you will have to find out what the issue is. OR they are simply overly sensitive and envious.

Apologize first, regardless if you feel you shouldn't have to. By doing this, you are buying yourself the right to immediately tell them they are being harsh next time they treat you badly since they will no longer have an excuse.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Your problem isn't that your in-laws are cuckoo (although they are), it's that your wife is a wimp. Not only has she not handled her relatives, she didn't tell you what the real problem was for a long time. It's clear that her role in the family has been doormat/peacemaker, and you've been invited to join the fraternity. If my family EVER treated my husband like this, I'd be on them like white on rice. But, your wife takes their c**p and allows you to take it too.

This is not ever going to change unless your wife gets some counseling and makes a huge change in her makeup. So, you have two choices:

1. You can just limit contact with them and ignore the behavior when you are around them; or

2. You can refuse to be in the same room with them until they agree to sit down and discuss this.

Up to you.

Answer 5

Sorry, but my answer will be biased. We also have problems with the in law kids. My situation is warranted, whereas yours sounds as if it's not. You have two choices. One, if you want to email your sister in law to try to make amends, then do it. Don't have a family meeting because it will end up in a ruckus. Trust me, we did that and the bomb exploded. We ended up going to a counselor and everyone stated their piece, but the counselor did not help us to solve the issue. Waste of money. IF you email the sister in law, you have done your part. IF she refuses to make amends....you did your part. If your wife chooses family over you...as you are now her family...then you have more decisions to make. One is to not go to family gatherings with her or Two...divorce her. Saying that, more than likely you guys get along if it weren't for family. Sad isn't it? I know it's hard on you as you sound as if you have a level head. It's a no win situation and you may have to sit back and see what and where you want your marriage to go to. Don't forget ....although you have a college degree, keep your integrity in tack. Don't let folks belittle you as you deserve better than that...at all cost. Good Luck

Answer 6

I think you should stay away from them and not allow them back in your house until they agree to talk and clear the air and tell your wife you don't want her talking to them either until it's all settled. The best thing to do would be to live somewhere else where there wasn't any of her family around, but that might not be possible.

Answer 7

if they insult u stay away then they will miss u.  they were having fun.   if ur wife lets it continue she feels the same way get rid of her.

Answer 8

Well you coudl be as simple if nto being able to talk to them directly emailing them, and just say you apologzie for anything that you may have said in the past, and that you would like to start fresh, and that as a family you beleive that you ahve lots of things inc momon etc... adn that you should be able to work it out.

SOmething along those lines

Answer 9

This has gotten way out of hand. I answered your last question, but the circumstances have changed the way I think about this situation.

My suggestion would be to cut them off completely. Do not attend the family functions, and tell your wife that you no longer wish to discuss this with them or any other member of her family again.

Killing them with kindness is not going to work for these people, because they are looking for revenge for a comment you supposedly made quite some time ago.

They feel justified in their actions, and will continue to try to belittle you until they feel vindicated.

I would nip this in the bud by not allowing them any future opportunities to attack.

Tell your wife that some people are meant to be friends, and some are not.

Life goes on. It will be their loss. Tell the wife that you have no intention of coming between her and her sister, but she will have to attend those functions alone.

Best wishes