Custody arrangements when couple is still together? ?

Question

Custody arrangements when couple is still together? ?

My boyfriend and I do not live together, and we have a 9-week old daughter. Even though I would like us to be together forever, I know that realistically, it may not be that way. I do not get along well with his mom (whom he lives with), and she won't come to my house to see the baby. I anticipate her being the cause of us breaking up.

My question is: do you think it would be a good idea to go thru the courts at this point to establish custody? Or do you think we should wait until we break-up (if/when we ever do). Basically, this child would live with me, and he would have visitation rights.

My thinking is that if we get this over with NOW (while we're still friends with each other), it won't be as difficult than if we did it after a break-up. I'm looking out forthe interests of our daughter first and foremost.

Answer 1

Hi, Congrats to you on your baby girl!

It sounds like you are being realistic here, as hard as that may be, good for you!



I do suggest that you get the "legalities" done and over with at this time.

Please just make sure you get good advice from a professional.

There is "physical" custody as well as "legal" custody and you would want to make sure you get both.

Be sure to get a 2nd opinion too, if necessary. (Sounds like a medical condition, LOL!)

So many grandparents end up being left out of their grand kids lives, due to relationship issues, etc. And they have no say in the matter.

Here is a lady that should be so excited to have a grand baby, and won't come to see her?

That is her loss. And how unfortunate for her!

As a last effort on your part, have you thought of taking the baby to their house?

If you feel comfortable doing this that is. And maybe you don't........

Don't wait for an invite. Just some time when you know she is home, bring your baby over there. No need for bf to be there, unless you feel he should be.

Tell her here is your grand baby girl, just wanted you to see her.....

Her name is...... Does she look like "boyfriend's name" here.....

Ask if she has any of bf's  baby pictures that you could see.

Let her hold her. Stay in the background if possible.

Maybe ask for advice, just make something up. Tell her about all the taking care of your baby things you are going through, etc.

Maybe, just Maybe, some of her old maternal instincts might be kicked up a bit. Even if she tells some crazy thing that you would never do, just say thank you.

I may be way out of line here, but if you do want to save your relationship with her son, it could be worth a try.

All I know is that it might be easy for her to dismiss a grandchild she never saw. But one she got to hold in her arms is a whole 'nother story.

Only you can know if any of this stuff might work on her to soften her up.

I wish you, your baby girl, and your bf the Very Best of Luck!

Answer 2

I agree before he or you moves on and resentment or bitterness comes into play, resolve it now. I respect you thinking ahead for child.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

In theory, yes, it's a good idea to do it now, but this could cause a lot of problems between the two of you.  If you start battling in court and filing for custody don't you think that could p**s him off a little bit.  Sounds like a way to speed up the break-up.

Answer 4

do it with lawyer and don't deal with him it could mess you up they may try to get custody and men sometimes due so be careful i mean you are taking big chance anyhow. get it done and support and to heck with them its your life and he is not going to be the dad persay. but you hae to get what you can out of him to help you. take care.

Answer 5

Well if your boyfriend also agrees that doing it now will make things easier then go for it. But you also may agree to things now that you would want to change in the future. He may end up having some friends or a girlfriend that you don't want your child around. I know someone who in the divorce agreement it says the father cannot have his girlfriend sleep at the house when the children are there because the girlfriend is an alcoholic and the mom knows this. So a lot of things can change in the future and you may want to wait because you might just have to go back to court later.

Answer 6

Since you are not living together, then yes a custody and child support arrangement through the courts should be made.