D you agree with this proposal?

Question

My male friend wants to propose to his GF on her birthday on August 30th. We all have just been invited to our other college friends wedding on August 30th. His GF does not know the couple at all. He asked the couple could he do the proposal at the end of their wedding reception since it is his GF b-day. I think he should propose before ( at breakfast) or after the wedding not during the reception. I told him he may stress an already stressed bride. He says it is no big deal. Whats your thoughts? He agreed to read what you all write and reconsider his plan if needed.

Answer 1

He should not propose at the wedding reception unless he has permission from the bride and groom. It is rude to take away attention from the wedding couple.  He should do it before the wedding reception so she can flash her ring at the wedding and reception.

Answer 2

I think he should do it either before or after the wedding.

Answer 3

As guests at this wedding, they have to remember that it's about the bride and groom, not about your friend and his GF.  Even if he did it at breakfast or another time during the day when they aren't with the other wedding guests could be a little tacky, since then people will notice and ask and it could still detract from the focus of the day.

A better idea would be to wait until after the reception, go someplace special near the reception venue, and ask her then.  He could precede his proposal with some seemingly nonchalant comments about how nice the wedding was and how happy the newlyweds are, and how much he's looking forward to that sort of happiness with her.  *insert presentation of the ring here, with or without bended-knee action depending on his style*

Answer 4

I think he should do it before or after. No bride wants her thunder stolen on her day.

Answer 5

It is completely wrong to take the spotlight away from the honorees of an event by creating your own little sideshow. And since you're talking about a wedding, it is completely inappropriate. Your friend proposing to his girlfriend on her birthday is really thoughtful. However, I agree that it needs to be done during the hours the two of them are not at the wedding. The wedding shouldn't take all day. There should be plenty of other opportunities to propose. A midnight stroll in some romantic place after the wedding? I know one guy who had a special day that he wanted to propose, but was having trouble figuring out how to work the proposal in because the couple had plans at 2 pm that day and would be busy the rest of the day. His solution was to deliver breakfast in bed to his gf's house, with a card telling her to get ready because they were going to do something special that morning. He left and when he returned about an hour and a half later, he surprised her with a special activity, at the end of which he proposed. They later went to the other events that were originally scheduled for that day, and she spent the entire day looking at her ring. :-)

Answer 6

Ditto. Not only is it intruding on your college friends' special day where all the big news should be theirs and the attention on them, but it is sharing such a monumental moment such as proposing to one's girlfriend on someone else's special day. I would think any rational or sensitive person would want that occasion/proposal to have its own day/time that will be remembered as such, not shared with someone else- to me that's about as thoughtless as a bunch of people renewing vows or getting married together in one ceremony, or parents doubling up 2 birthdays in one day to save money or whatever.

She doesn't know the couple so there is no personal connection to them for her. A marriage proposal should be completely personalized to the both of you (you being the male friend) and your life together, her favourite spot, your favourite place together, the location of your first date. Something like that. Example: breakfast in bed: Sneak out of bed and get her a birthday breakfast in bed, and maybe arrange so that the wedding ring is tied to the rose on the tray, or tied to a little ribbon on a spoon or an individual box of cereal with the ring inside. Or you would think of something else depending on what she likes for breakfast. A heart shaped pancake with the ring on top and syrup etc on the side. Or write 'will you marry me?' on the edge of the plate with melted chocolate. Lots of different romantic personal ways to propose on her birthday separate from this wedding you two will go to. You know her well so you can think of something that will make her go weak in the knees when you do it ;)

Good luck!

Answer 7

Definitely tacky.  But if your friend doesn't see this, you aren't going to be able to convince him.  He must be pretty hard headed...  

It sounds as if he already knows what you think (and you're clearly right), and he's unwilling to listen.

I'd probably say it was fine with me too, as a bride, but I'd be irritated, and think it was tacky.  

The focus, on that couple's day, should be that couple.  He could still make it all very special without doing it in front of a group of people she doesn't even know well.

Answer 8

I think it's incredibly rude to propose at someone else's wedding!  He should do it at breakfast. They also shouldn't make a big announcement at the reception.

Answer 9

He may propose when and how he pleases -- so long as it does not detract or distract the wedding proceedings in any way.  Which means that it should probably be done not in the presence of others.

Answer 10

ITS NO BIG DEAL TO STRESS OUT AN ALREADY NERVOUS BRIDE? IN MY OPINION IF HIS GF HEARS THIS, SHE JUST MIGHT SAY NO, THANKS. TO BE INSENSITIVE TO ANOTHER PERSON'S FEELINGS, ESPECIALLY A GIRL'S, THAT IS NOT KOSHER. BESIDE TO DETRACT FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING RECEPTION IS NOT A HOT IDEA EITHER. ASK EVERYONE TO STAY ON THE QT BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO ANNOUNCE. TELL EVERYONE ITS YOUR GF'S BIRTHDAY AND YOU WANT TO SURPRISE HER. THEN TELL HER THAT YOU WERE INSPIRED TO PROPOSE BY THE SPECIAL EVENTS THAT JUST TOOK PLACE.  

Answer 11

I agree with you to do it at breakfast because then you dont have to stress the bride any more than she already is.

Answer 12

I know people will disagree with me, but I think proposing in front of a group of people is sort of rude.  The pressure it puts on the woman is unbelievable.  Doing it in public or in a room full of people is a sure way to get a yes because the woman doesn't want to make the guy feel stupid if she says no, but that yes is not always what the woman wants.  I suggest he do it somewhere else and especially not at a wedding.

I agree with rhsaunders.  If he really wants to do it at the wedding, they need to go on a walk or out into the hall or something where it won't distract the other guests.

Answer 13

Beyond the shadow of a doubt, if it were me...

I'd be beside myself if, after the sharing and enjoying entire wedding-themed, day my man asked me to be his bride.

Answer 14

I think it's not a good idea to do it the day of, or at the wedding. The day after would be great.

Answer 15

Wedding day focus should remain on bride and groom.  It is totally tacky and inappropriate to propose or to announce an engagement at another couple's wedding.  

Your friend should propose on another day . . . or at the very least, wait until after leaving the reception.

The appropriate thing to do would be to make the proposal a separate, special occasion for his girlfriend.  Maybe a romantic dinner at their favorite restaurant?  Or a moonlight walk on the beach?  

He can do better than proposing at someone else's wedding.  Please urge him to do so.

Answer 16

Sure the reception is no big deal to him - but the bride and groom and their families have put a lot of planning and money into making August 30th a special day for them.

You cannot piggyback on it.

Surprise your girlfriend at breakfast or at midnight the night before her birthday - please do not do it at someone else's wedding.

Answer 17

I think thats a really bad idea.  First of all, its the bride and grooms wedding day and its almost like hes trying to take the spot light from them by proposing at their wedding.  second, other guests are going to think its totally inappropriate to interrupt a wedding reception to propose.  third, if I was his gf I would be very embarassed I was being proposed to at someone elses wedding who I dont even know.  and last, a proposal should be special, not shared with someone elses wedding.  I wanted to celebrate my engagement with my husband after he proposed and thats hard to do when your celebrating a wedding of someone else.  if he insists on that day then plan something for after.  a friend of mine went to a wedding with her fiance and then when he went to take her home afterwards he had the backyard of her place set up (by her parents while they were at the wedding) with flowers and candles and such and he proposed then.  that way they could celebrate for a bit afterwards and it didnt interfere with the wedding.

Answer 18

Absolutely do NOT propose at the wedding reception. I wouldn't even do it after the reception, honestly. Usually after a wedding and reception I am tired and sometimes a little cranky. Weddings and receptions can last many hours. If he did it then I would be very disappointed. I'd be like, "Great. Yes! Good-night!" I wouldn't feel up to celebrating.

If they are together, he could wake her up the next morning and propose, then take her to breakfast. Take the family out for lunch or dinner to announce it or something. That would be a nice way to start things.

If they do not spend time overnight together, then pick a day sometime later in the week or in a few weeks.

Don't do it the morning of the wedding either - that's just tacky. Everyone will be looking at her ring or talking about them instead of the bride and groom. How rude.

I also would not want a proposal on my birthday, honestly. He can give her a small gift and take her to lunch on her birthday, then the wedding. But a proposal? I like to keep my special days separate from holidays/birthdays, thanks.

Answer 19

Doing anything that distracts from the couple on THEIR day would be very rude indeed. He should wait for a private moment to do this. Proposing at someone else's reception should not even be an option. Even mentioning that the GF's birthday is that day would be rude. Again, it would take the focus away from the bride and groom. His idea isn't only rude (and a VERY big deal, regardless of waht he says), it also goes against etiquette. He definitely needs to think of another place to propose to his GF.  

Answer 20

i agree with u. this is their special moment, let them have it.

dude take her and her family to dinner afterward (since u'll already be dressed to kill) and propose there. that will make it ur special moment.  congrats and good luck!!!

Answer 21

I don't think it is POLITE to intrude on the brides day no matter what she says. Weddings are stressful enough, and she may have just felt obligated to say that it was OK.

You also want your future wife to feel 100% special, and asking her at someone elses wedding WILL take away from that.

I don't see ANYONE winning in this situation.

It is also inappropriate etiquette to announce an engagement or to propose at someone elses special day be it a wedding, anniversary or birthday.

Answer 22

I would say no because if someone did that at my reception I would have been really upset. Mainly because of the things that had happened that were unexpected. I know I would have said yes at first, but would have been upset later because people would have been paying attention to others instead of me.

Answer 23

The focus of the wedding reception should be on the bride and groom. It wouldnt be fair when everyone started congratulating the newly engaged couple rather than the people they are there for. Don't still their thunder. Do it on your own time.  

Answer 24

I think its a terrible idea.

1) he's stealing the moment away from the couple who actually got married, keep in mind the put alot of money and planning into this wedding to celebrate their love... not someone elses

2) He's putting his gf on the spot in front of strangers... what if she says no?

Although it may not seem like a big deal it quite possibly is a big deal for the couple getting married and for his gf (him proposing at someones wedding)

Is he set on doing this? cuz it would be more special to either do it when they're alone or in front of family and friends. Not strangers.