DADS: Are you hurt or jealous when your toddler prefers mom?

Question

Lately, our one-year-old son has been crying hysterically whenever I leave the room. Whenever my husband has tried to comfort him in my absense, he screams, pushes away and reaches out for me. I know this is a normal stage of toddlerhood and "this too shall pass," so my question is more about my husband. It never seems to bother him that the baby does this. But if it were ME he was pushing away, it would break my heart. Is it just a mom thing? Are dads wired differently? Any dads (or moms) also going through this?

In fact, my husband doesn't even try to comfort the baby anymore. He just lets him scream on the floor while I'm trying to make dinner or tend to our preschooler. =:o(

Personally, I think the baby doesn't respond to him well because my husband has always given up too easily and passed him back to me. I don't know, what do you think?

Answer 1

As a father of 3 children , I can tell you that My wife and I have been down this road before.  I realized with our first that it was a mother child thing.  I couldn't give that bonding love that my wife(who breastfed all 3, not at the same time!) could give.  It was and is frustrating sometimes when the kids go to mom when I know I could help.  But I did the same thing to my parents, if I was hurt, I went to mom.  If I needed money or advice I went to dad.  Dad's day will come as the kids get older.

Answer 2

If after all that work that you put in for that baby to get here, if it preferred dad over you, how would you feel? The child comes from both, advice and knowledge helps new parents,both of them. You seem to enjoy his frustration and hurt. How can a man push himself on a child when a child has yet to develop any intellect? So yes, I was jealous at first, but my sense of reason overtook my emotions!

Answer 3

with my son, my husband started taking him for special walks, and outings.  Just he and my son.  I stayed home.  Sometimes it is something so simple as walking around the area we live in.  This is their time, and is their routine.  He usually takes him for a long walk around the time I am fixing dinner.  It gives me the time to cook and not worry about him getting hurt, and gives time for daddy and son to bond a bit.

My son still wants my attention most of the time, but he isnt as "clingy" as he used to be.

Answer 4

im not a dad but my husband is having a hard time with our 13 mth old because he is so clinlgy to me and screams when he trys to take him it really tough on him but when it started i think he just gave up and didnt try enough but he was also tired after work and i suppose hadnt the energy. even this evening i had to go pick up the older kids at his bath time when usually im always there to do this and put him to bed, but he cried so bad he made himself sick i felt sorry for my husband when he phoned me he didnt know how to settle him down. he doesnt say it much but i know it hurts him he always goes off to another room after he wont go to him.

i have started going away for a couple hours on the weekend early in the morning when our baby is in good form and not too tired and he seems happier to stay with him but gets very cranky and whiny as soon as i get home. all i can say is keep encourage your husband to try and hope he makes a little more progess that he will enjoy it more.

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel. My husband reaches our son to me every time he whines so now I am who he wants most of the time. And it does make it very hard. But unlike your husband  mine does get jealous because he wants me all the time.

Answer 6

Well, I'm not a parent but I think that your husband should still try to comfort his son. It sounds like he is on the verge of neglect to me. I think it would do you all some good if you went out for a few hours every once in awhile. You could take a break from always being the care-taker, and your son and husbadn could spen some bonding time together.

Answer 7

I don't really know what you husband thinks, but it might be a good idea for when the three of you are together to say really great things about your husband (like 'Isn't daddy soooo much fun!' obviously don't say anything a little boy wouldn't understand like handsome or sophisticated.) It may help your son grow out of the phase faster and it will definitely give your husband an ego boost and make him feel like he is a good father