DESPERATE FOR HELP: Child negligence?

Question

Please read the other details on this question http://answers.yahoo.com/question/i... and conside the following information.

- Her and the husband are renovating a house- she has told him the mariage is over but neither of them have the money to move out, or a spare room, so they still sleep in the same bed.

- She has left her son at home when he was 3 months old at night to pick her husband up from the pub.

- Neither of them give time for the baby when things are going on- at his first birthday party (it started at 11, she was still out shopping fo supplies at 12:30 and left the baby with the guests while she was out.) she left the baby with everyone else (even got sommeone else to change the babys nappy) while she did stuff around the house.

- her father sexually abused her for 6 years and her husband is controlling

I really need help with this! She just isn't coping and we aren't comfortable enough with her to just say something to her face

Answer 1

Oh hun, I read your other post in the newborn/baby forum too.  You are in a difficult situation.  Based on all the information you provided, you definitely NEED to do something fast!  First of all, you seem to know an awful lot about this woman for not being comfortable talking to her.  I think this is a time when you and the other mommies shoud stage an intervention - just like they do with people who's lives are out of control due to drugs or alcohol, etc.  Basically, all of you would have her show up someplace safe and share your feelings about what you've been witnessing.  Make sure you stress that you care about her and her son and praise her for the few things she is doing right.  You said she seems to really love the child and wants to be a good mother - use that.  With all of you there she will be unable to refute what you are ALL saying as she would if it was just one of you approaching her alone.  SHe may feel that you are all ganging up on her but you need to explain that is not the case.  Tell her you are doing this out of compassion for her and the child and you only want to help.  If she gets angry and tries to leave, tell her this is your only attempt to help her before going to the authorities.  Explain that you know she wants to be a good mother but has so many terrible things going on in her life right now you recognize she needs help.  If she won't take the help from you then you will find someone she will not be able to refuse.  (Yes, it is a threat, but a necessary one).  Also, listen to what she has to say.  Maybe she has an explanation for some of the problems you are seeing.  If she was sexually molested by her father - FOR 6 YEARS! I'm sure she didn't come from the healthiest of families.  In her eyes she may be doing a great job of motherhood, compared to the way she was raised.  Offer support and friendship but you also need to be firm and not wishy washy.  She needs to understand the you have her's and her child's best interest in mind and that you are her friends and there to help.

If she still protests or storms out, let her.  Give her a 48 hours to digest what you all have said and to start implementing BIG changes.  If she doesn't you have to follow through on your promise to contact the authorities.  A child's welfare and possible life are at risk.  That is all that matters and that comes way before your comfort level and her's.  

If the intervention doesn't work, I would call the children's services number for your area.  Explain the situation to them and ask their opinion on how you should handle it from there.  The worst thing you could do is nothing.  And it's great that you are putting a lot of thought into this before just calling the authorities.  Nowadays it seems most people either turn their head to these horrible situations or just run o the authorities without trying to be a friend and help.  Good for you!  I really hope this works out for all of you, especaially the child.  Every child deserves a healthy, happy, safe, LOVING place to grow up in!  Good luck!

Answer 2

I believe in order for her to see what is going on you may have to just tell her. Try to be pleasant but firm give her specifics of the behavior you see and what other see. Then explain that the reason you are saying this is not for her but for the child and that if you didn't care you would just call CPS. Offer moral and emotional support and if this does not work do not leave that child in their home.  GET THE BABY SOME HELP.

Answer 3

what you write is confusing- also cannot access the yahoo answers that you have inserted in your post-the confusing part is'Her and the husband are renovating a house' and then you write "neither of them have the money to move out, or a spare room, so they still sleep in the same bed.

so if they don't have  money how are they paying for the renovation?And now my question to you?

Who are you and how come you are staying in this house? what is your relationship with either of them? "Her father abused her for 6 years"Why did she or her mother not report this abuse? what has it got to do with the present situation?

simple solution for you would be to call the DFC-