DO U KNOW What Happens To 90% Of Children Put Up 4 Adoption?

Question

IM A SOCIAL MANAGER 4 THE STATE OF NY,AND 90% OF CHIDREN IN THE ADOPTION CENTER R ABUSED SEXUALLY N METALLY B 4 THEIR EVN 6YRS.OLD A MAJORITY TURN TO DRUGS N ALCOHOL B 4 THEIR 15, THEY HAVE PROBLEMS DEALING WITH RELATIONSHPS DUE TO ABANDON MENT ISSUES THEY BECOME ABUSERS N MOST WHN PT IN A HOME ENVIRONMENT HAV MAJOR TROBLE COPING.AS THEIR OLDER THEY MAY ACT OUT IN THEIR OWN FAMILIES N MAY NT B RESPONSIBLE PARENTSONLY 10% EVN FIND GD HOMES THE REST R LOST I C IT EVRY DAY N I WONDER IF ABORTION WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN A LIFE OF TORTURE

Answer 1

I do not think I have ever responded negatively to someone before...well maybe once...but WHAT IS YOUR DEAL!  I am sure you are perfect...well except for your spelling...(You do know that they have spell check on here...right?)  Anyway!  Yes people get pregnant when they shouldn't , but typing on here is not going to change that!  And killing the babies is not going to solve it either.  My aunt adopted 6 children and we were loved beyond our wildest dreams!  I agree that it is sad that so many go through awful things in the system.  But that is due to the lack of frequent background checks and social workers not having the time to check on the children.  I think you have been doing your job for too long and instead of seeing the good you can do...you only see the miserable cases that you cannot fix.  You either need to get out of the profession, or get help...maybe both!!!  Try to look at the successful cases.  I know that is not easy but this....typing things on answers deal is not working!  You are only ticking those of us that love our adopted families off!  We are not all evil!

Answer 2

I see that many of the answers on here are a little on the harsh side to you.

In fairness to you, there is no doubt that children who have been placed in foster care (especially those who have been to many homes) run a high risk of being abused.  I don't know what kind of "adoption center" you're discussing, but I assume its some kind of group home for children.

I think your statistic is in question, though, because the number of children in the adoption center you mention do not represent the up-for-adoption population on the whole.  The children in this center (or children in foster care) do have a high risk of being abused, even if there are some excellent foster homes too.

In general, though, when newborns who will be placed for adoption are born they are placed either in a short-term foster home until placement is done or else they're placed with the family who will adopt them.  That's how the majority of adoption placements of infants goes.

Then there are the children who do end up in really good foster homes and are either adopted by those families or out of them and into other nice families.

Just a few weeks ago, though, the CBS program, 60 Minutes, has a show on children who were taken from unfit parents and ended up with "issues".  Most people who have paid any attention to children who are available for adoption know that there are older children and sick children who don't get adopted and do go from one place to another.  These children do often go from one bad situation to another.  I don't doubt what you say there, but I don't believe its "90%" of all children who are put up for adoption.  

It may be more like 90% of those children who could not be adopted as infants, who have been taken from their biological mothers as a result of neglect or abuse, and who have developed enough problems to make it too difficult for most adoptive parents to really be able to develop the right kind of relationship with them.   These children go into the system with the damage from having been neglected or abused; but neglected and abused children still want to be with their parents much of the time, so they also go into the system with the grief of being taken from their families.  

The more problems a child has, the harder it is for foster families to be able to develop a nice relationship with them because damaged children can do things like steal, sexually abuse younger children, be violent, etc.  As a result, foster families have to ask for the child to be placed somewhere else.  The awful thing is that even the foster child who doesn't do anything wrong may not be adopted because adoptive families can't be sure that an older child won't be so damaged they'll do stuff the family can't handle.

These are children who become available for adoption because states don't want them going from one foster home to another but they can't let them go back with their biological families either.  They aren't children who are put up for adoption by parents who wanted to do what was best for the child.  They're put up for adoption by the state because the state thinks that's the best thing to try to do for a child who is already very damaged and hurt.

You're probably right that only a few (you say 10%) of hard-to-place (that's what they're called when they've been hurt by life and are older) find good, loving, permanent, adoptive families.

The problem isn't with adoption, though.  The problem is that biological families do things that get their children into the system, and then the system does not have the good foster homes and good adoptive families for foster children.

There are some bad adoptions, but in general adoptions are a nice thing.  The trouble isn't generally with adoption, itself, but with the fact that being adopted is something not all children are fortunate enough to be able to experience.

Until all parents can/will be good parents or at least until there can be enough good adoptive homes or at least excellent group homes for foster children, I wish that children and teens who are in awful circumstances could keep in mind that their parents didn't know how to be good parents because they may not have had good parents themselves.  I wish, too, that children/teens in rotten circumstances could realize that just about everyone wishes there were a way to make things better.  If they can just hang on long enough they'll be on there own and be able to build a better life.  I know, in reality, its not that easy.  Its just what I wish.

Anyone who watched the 60 Minutes program I mentioned will know that what you say about so many kids is true and is a real problem that The System would - if it could - change.  The trouble is there aren't enough adoptive families for children who have been removed from their biological parents, but leaving children with parents who are abusive isn't something the system can do either.

Answer 3

Maybe that's the case in your state. My parents are social workers and own a counseling agency for helping foster parents and children waiting for adoption. They are not abused since the state requires the foster parents and adoptive parents to attend classes. Adoption is not a bad option for some people and maybe you should stop judging people for something you've never had to do yourself. Take a typing class. And they say people in the South are stupid....

Answer 4

It is people like you who give good social workers and managers a bad name.  I've come across a few NJ social workers that have your mentality and it is not good for the families or the children.  You have given us all a reason to vote for reform in our Depts of Human Services!

Answer 5

my gosh..... haiz

Answer 6

I can't see how killing the 10% to "save" the 90% (that is assuming your statistics are accurate) would be a sane solution.  This doesn't even take into account all the private domestic adoptions that occur outside the foster care system...so, now raise that up to say another 30% or so who make it just fine.

We have a young lady staying with us...she's 17.  She's had a history of abuse (before she went into the foster system).  She is a bright, optimistic, enjoyable young lady.  I can't imagine the thought of denying the world of her contributions by having killed her before she was born.

A statistic I heard recently was 40% of the folks in the prison population were at one point or another in the foster system.  I think that's a staggering statistic...however, I wouldn't use it to promote aborting "unwanted" children.  Rather I'd promote people being involved in foster care and adoption so that the numbers will go down!

If those children in foster care have a connection with adults and/or families (either families who fostered them or families who were involved in their lives in some other way), then they have a sounding board, they have accountability and they will tend to make wiser choices because of those connections.

How can people be connected you ask?  (well, maybe you're not asking, but I want you to, so I'll answer anyway)  You can provide a foster home or adoptive home for the children.  YOU can be that connection for them!  You can make arrangements to go to a group home with some folks you gather & throw the kids with birthdays that month a birthday party, or bring a picnic of sandwiches & such and host a picnic.  You can bring craft items and teach them a craft.  You could teach them a skill you have (are you a whiz at creating & sticking to a budget, writing a resume or something else?).  You can be a mentor to a specific child in care.  You can take   a child you've met who's in care to the movies a couple times a month or dessert & coffee & just talk with each other.

The best thing that people can to do help these kids is by providing them connections -- this can be through fostering, adopting, mentoring or just finding some other way to let them know you care about them so that they don't grow up feeling so abandoned & many times worthless.

When people foster and adopt, they should realize that therapy is important for these kids because of the loss, grief & abandonment issues the kids have to some degree (some severe & some pretty mild).

The answer is to not kill them...but to help them.

Answer 7

Please call your dr today about changing your medication.  You need to be seen by a mental health professional asap.

Answer 8

Well here in the UK is a very different story - thank god!  I am a social worker and KNOW that all families are well vetted before being given any foster or adoption child.  

In the 7 years I have done the job in my area I have not heard of a single case of a child being abused by adopted parents, plenty cases involving biological parents tho.

In the majority of the cases the children are 100 times better off in their new families than they ever would have been if left with biological parents.

If what you are saying is true, which I doubt, then the social work dept there is letting those children down big time and needs a good shake up asap.

Answer 9

First of all, I don’t believe for a moment that you work in social services.  What is a “social manager”?  I have worked in social services for 25 years and have never heard of it.  And if you are, you live in the UK, not in the U. S.  We don’t have any such things as “social managers” here.

Instead, you sound like a “bitter old woman”  or a stupid teenager with nothing to do.

After reading some of your responses to other’s questions, I see that you are also prejudiced.  Someone asked for a good name for a child who is half black/half Mexican, and you answered “Niggarias”.

You said in another post that as an older woman, you had s*x with an under age teenager.  So you are also a pedophile.  You should be reported, or arrested.

In another post, you said when your marriage isn’t going well, you just get someone else.  So you are a cheater as well.

In another post, you say you like phone s*x with strangers.  So you’re cheap, too.

Most of your responses are about s*x, and zodiac signs.  You are pathetic.  If you really work with children in the system, heaven help us!  Heaven help them!

Answer 10

I dont belive for a second that you are a social manager... mostly because im a sophmore and I type worlds better than you... and also because how immature you are being with informing us about adoption.  I know 10 + kids that were adopted and are wonderful people. I live in an extreemly small town where drugs and alcohol are a big problem. However I dont see one of these kids turning to it.

Answer 11

wow! and you are a social manager and know all this...yet the only thing you can do is share it on yahoo. I am worried about those children but also I am worried about how people can go to sleep being in your position and not going to the proper place to make a change of the system...so these children won't have to suffer and go through all the stuff you mentioned!!!!

Answer 12

Um, maybe you shouldn't be a "social manager" if you feel people should just abort their children.  I'm not so sure how credible you are.....

Answer 13

Lol. Yep, you are a 'social manager', yet you can't type to save your life? Lord help the state of New York's school system.

Answer 14

Sorry I simply dont beleive that. It may happen in some rare cases but not all that for sure. I personally know many people with adopted children and not one has been molested. Show us some proof!!!

Answer 15

A BIT HARSH ISN"T IT!!!!!

Answer 16

well maybe the people responsible should do a better job at placing the child with a good family.

I am going through the adoption process in the uk and i have been involved in pcking the right family....they have been approved and have already successfully started to raise a little boy who was adopted also.  so DON'T judge the adoption process and DON'T stereotype all adoption processes.