DO i have the right to demand answers from father?

Question

I am 23 weeks pregnant. I am not with the father... he says he wants to be involved but also tells me how bad things are, just all over the place, and i do kind of understand i feel mixed about things too.

But...i need him to tell me exactly whta he is prepared to do, a baby will be here in over three months and i want to prepare with or without hm.

My question is... Do i have the right to demand an answer from him about what exactly he wants to do about this??? He has had 5 months to absorb this isnt that enough time?

My thing is that its not just about him or me , its about the baby and i need to prepare dont i hav ethe right to ask him to tell me what he wants, to decide and either move on or take care of the baby with me?I am 23 he is 26

Answer 1

I think it's worth taking a look at things from his perspective. The saying goes - A woman is a mother from the moment she falls pregnant, A man is a father from the moment of birth. In other words you probably won't get a great deal out of him in any shape or form before bub is born. All you need to get from him right at this moment is a definate yes or no as to whether he will be at the birth (if you want him to of course) as for the rest just start preparing yourself as if he isn't a part of it, that way anything that does come from him is a bonus. If you find you are really struggling with something then by all means ask him for help, he may just not know what it is he can do at this stage. Most of the stuff a woman needs whilst pregnant is more for a partner (all the tlc etc). You can try demand an answer but I doubt it will get you anywhere. Unfortunately you just need to accept that. The fact that he has said he wants to be involved is a good start try and acknowledge that. You kinda just hafta wait and see otherwise. Good luck with it all with or without his help you can do this this.  

Answer 2

Of course you can demand answers! What are some of you guys thinking? He put that baby in there and he can't be humming and hawing about whether or not he wants to be involved! You are fragile enough emotionally as an expectant mom, you don't need him throwing hot and cold at you too. One baby is enough. You should ask him to make his choice because you need to start to feel secure in your parenting strategy..i.e. are you alone, are you not etc. and what your options will be either way. If he's not interested than you should still be clear to him that you expect child support. If he has to take on a second job then that's just hard luck. People should face up to their responsibilities. This is a human baby, not a toy he can get tired of. If he wants to be a part of its life tell him he is no longer the priority and that whatever he is going through will have to take second place when the baby arrives. That's just life. Good luck!

Answer 3

'DO i have the right to demand answers from father?'

LOL.

'I dont want to be pushy '

Whenever you DEMAND something from someone, THAT is considered 'pushy!'

I think your hormones are getting the best of you.

You can't really 'demand' anything from anyone! about anything! You cannot force someone to act a certain way.

Good luck with that .. just don't be 'demanding' with your child when its born. I can tell you right now, when that baby is born, YOU are going to be on that baby's terms, and that baby's schedule. You're not going to be able to 'demand' anything from the baby either..

The ONLY person you can control is yourself.

good luck with all your future endeavors.

Answer 4

Yes, you have the right to demand answers. And as he has the right to tell you to **** off.

Demanding and pushing do not a good relationship make...

Answer 5

well, you are right. you can't wait for him to decide what he wants, that baby is going to come regaurdless of his decision.

you'd better start planning to take care of things on your own, and tell him when he's ready, you and your baby would love ot have him in your lives. don't force him to be a "family" together if he's not ready.   you can't demand an answer out of him if he honestly dosen't know what he wants. just give it time. sometimes men come around, sometimes they don't.

best of luck!

Answer 6

You can be demanding all you want for the answer but he may not even know himself how he feels yet.  I have seen fathers that start out not sure or not wanting to be involved then they decide they made a mistake and step up and be good dads and I have seen some that want to be involved that say they will make a commitment then they run away.  He can't say for sure how he feels right now.  You still have 3 months give him some time to see how he feels.  The best thing you can do is prepare to live your life with your baby without him then if he surprises you and gets involved great but if not you will already be prepared to go it alone.  

Answer 7

Well my opinion is that I think you do. Since he is the father of this baby and he needs to start growing up now that both of you are going to be parents. If he wasn't ready then he shouldn't have had s*x in the first place. Now if he doesn't get together with you by the time the baby is born, I suggest you get child support because your not going to be thinking about you anymore, you have to think about the baby and whatever child support he gives you, goes straight to the baby. Now if you feel bad for him because he says it's just too much, well I'm sorry but if he was mature enough to have s*x with you then he should be mature enough to at least give you child support which will help with lots of stuff for the baby.

My cousin is a great example. She felt sorry for ex and didn't ask for child support but not she see's that it's just too hard on herself to pay for everything and the baby and now she feels that it's too late to get child support. Do the right thing for your baby. Remember you even wrote, that it's not just about you or him anymore. You have to start thinking about the baby. So just let him know before hand that you will demand child support and remember it's for the baby's good sake.

Answer 8

I would try to get an answer. I'm at the point where I kept asking and asking the father for help and he wasnt taking any actions. So, I told him that I want him out of my life and the babys life. It wasnt the best way to get him to help, but I was so fed up with asking that it was kind of true.

Answer 9

you have every right! and if he doesn't want to be involved, too bad! make him pay child support!

Answer 10

If he wants to be there, he will. You can demand an answer but I doubt it'll do much good. If he's not there now when you need him, please don't depend on him being there when the baby is born.

Tell him what you expect: Whether or not his name will be on the birth certificate, whether or not he can be in the delivery room, whether or not he can take the baby for a day or on weekends or can he only come to your house etc. Since he's not "around" then these are your decisions to make. Including naming the baby, whether or not he likes the name!

Answer 11

It's tricky, but no, I don't think you have a right to 'DEMAND' answers off him, since it looks like he doesn't even know what he wants himself.

It is a frustrating situation, quite understandably, but as you state, you don't have the time to worry about what is going on with him.

I think you should prepare yourself for the very real possibility you could be doing this alone.

But yes, demanding answers would be pushy (Even though he HAS had a lot of time, it's just obviously not enough.)

Answer 12

Gosh, I am in the same boat as you! I am planning on having no help. Plan for the worst hope for the best. I have been asking questions like "are you gonna watch the baby when i work for a couple hours?" Come on like i should count on someone and get my hopes up. My family tells me when the baby comes they will feel so different and just wait and try not to have any drama to make him wanna run away. So, plan to do it alone, if he is there, great if not, well at least you know you can do it alone. I do feel that a father is just as important as a mother and would hate if i pushed him away with my moods.  

Answer 13

If you are wondering if he wants to try to be with you, then you have every right to ask. If you want to know if he will help take care of the baby, then you also have every right to ask and he has every responsibility to help. If he does not want to help, you can take him to court for child support. They will require a paternity test since you are not married. Five months is a lot of time to give him. You are not being pushy by asking either question.  

Answer 14

First of course you have the right to demand what his intentions are! Second don't give him forever to decide! If you need to decide for him then do it! One thing you might think of is taking him to court to establish paternity if your not married! If you can not afford this apply for medicaid and they can give you assistance from the state to pay for it. Most state make dad pay it back! Like you said it is about baby now so he ether needs to make good on his intention or you need to take it into your own hands. Also child support is the child's right not yours so even if you don't take the money at 18 the child can take dad to court for child support for the last 18 years. If he hasn't come through on his intentions by about 8 months I would precede with court! Good luck!

Answer 15

you do have the right to ask him questions, but he also has the right to not answer if he doesn't want to. sorry.

Answer 16

Sounds like you need to go ahead and prepare for him to not be there... and in the mean time, let him know that if he doesn't plan to get on board, he can expect a court order to at least get his money on board.

Answer 17

Don't even chance it.  The absolute best thing you can do is to prepare for going it alone, without him.  You want to be as best prepared as you can and that's the only definitive way to do it.  If he ends up being there then fantastic but you don't want to think you can depend on him only to have him bail, leaving you unprepared.  You already know you can't truly count on him so don't even leave it to chance.  You need to be as ready as you can for your beautiful baby.