Dad doesn't like me hanging out with boyfriend!!!?

Question

Ok so my dad says that he thinks my boyfriend is a nice kid, but he doesn't want me hanging out with him. Like at all. I'm not allowed to go over to his house swimming, even when his parents are home. And he can't come over swimming at my house either. I love spending time with my boyfriend, and it hurts to see that my dad won't let me see him. I've hung out with my boyfriend once, and it was with my family. So he's already met my whole family. What should I do to get my dad to ease up????

Answer 1

ur dad just cares mayb it would help if u just sat down and talked 2 him just dont start yellin b calm and explain the situation

Answer 2

well there prolly is a good reason why ur dad dont like him

Answer 3

How old are you because that makes a complete difference in my answer. If your young your dad is the boss and may see something that you in your youth and in experience don't. If your older I would say you need to rebel right about now or you will be his (your fathers) forever and you need to push for the things you want. You may mess up but that's the point, so you can learn from the mistakes.

Answer 4

Whenever you find yourself in that sort of conflict with anyone, it's a good idea to start by seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood.  So, start by talking with your dad about it.  Pick a time that is most conducive to having a relaxed, respectful conversation.  A hint about communicating with men (in general of course, b/c all men ARE NOT the same):

1) minimize emotion - men are more comfortable with talking about concrete fact.  Too much emotion can lead to defensiveness and sometimes to shutting down completely.  So, before approaching your dad, think about what you want to accomplish in the conversation.  You might even write down, for yourself, the facts on which you should focus to accomplish that objective.  I know that sometimes I get nervous in conversations about things that mean a lot to me, and doing this helps me stay focused and accomplish what I want in the conversation.

2) Sometimes men open up more in conversations that take place in the course of doing an activity with the other person.  Females are more verbal and comfortable talking with emotion than males are.  Particularly if your dad is typically "a man of few words," this approach might lead him to communicate more openly about why he won't allow you to hang out with boyfriends.

3) Bring some appropriate (remember, your dad has the authority) humor to the conversation.  This always eases tensions in conversations and that can lead to a better conversation.  

You'll probably get further by making the first conversation one in which your only goal is to hear your dad's reasoning.  Also, giving yourself some time to think thru what you learn from that conversation will support your efforts towards your goal: to get the rule changed.  

Another useful tip for working thru conflict - seek a "win win" solution. Understand your dad's goal(s) and know your own goal.  Come up with solutions that achieve both.

For example, lets say that your goal is to spend time with this particular boy (vs. the goal to have a boyfriend) and your dad's goal is to keep you focused on activities and matters in your life that he thinks fit best with your age or level of emotional maturity.  Maybe you can agree to hold off on creating a "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship until a specific birthday - 16th or 17th?? (not sure of your age), and in exchange ask permission to spend up to 6 hours per week with the boy - at least half that time with other friends or with your family, and the other half the time doing a specific activities that you'd be doing anyway, i.e.  homework, sharing your hobbies (or developing some together.)