Dad put away my dead mother's diamond ring "for safe keeping" and now can't remember where! How do I find it?

Question

My mother had Alzheimer's and he was worried that she would lose it, so he put it away in a "safe" place. She died and he can't remember where he put it. We've torn the house apart, can't find it anywhere and have also been advised by a metal detector expert that the technology only works outside of the house (due to it picking up ALL metal, including nails, pipes, etc.).

I am at my wit's end and don't know what to do next ... Dad is in a deep depression due to Mom's death and won't even try to remember; he just doesn't care.

Does anyone have any unusual ideas of how to go about finding such a tiny thing in a HUGE house?

Answer 1

Have you went through all the pockets of clothes in all the closets?

When my Step Mother died, my Dad was looking thru some of her old clothes and found 700.00 in cash in one of the pockets.  

Answer 2

this happened to me.  because of arthritis, i took off my wedding band and put it awat because i was afraid it would be too hard to ever get off and cut off circulation.  i put it away and promptly forgot where.  i tore my house up off and on for 2 years looking for it.  one day, while watching tv, it just popped into my head.  i went to a cupboard and there it was on a top shelf in a juice glass.  right where i put it.  sooner or later, he will remember it and go get it.  give it time.

Answer 3

I'm going to bet that its in their bedroom. I would take the dresser drawers out and look to the sides or behind them. Look in any jewelry boxes underneath the lining or cotton in them. That or in the clothes in the drawers, rolled up socks in between clothes or the pockets of his suits hanging in the closet.

Sorry for your lose. Hopefully your father will come out of his depression and remember where he put it.

I take it they were married for a long time, so he is probably really hurting right now.

Answer 4

quietly ask your father questions as to try to remember what he was doing when it put it away, get him to remember that and then ask questions to drill deeper into his memory untill remember or you find clues like a puzzle to find it.

Answer 5

I would say be careful about doing this and don't push it.

I lost my mother four years ago, who also had dementia. My father lasted another 18 mos. despite having been in good health for his age. I don't want to worry you but the reality is that after a long marriage (my parents were married over 60 years) the average time the spouse lives is 18 mos).

My dad also put the ring away for safe keeping. He would even put it on at times and wear it around the house. It was part of his grieving process. That ring has special meaning for your dad. He bought it. When young we often have to give up, work hard, and save for a ring. He put a bit of himself in to it. It was a symbol of the marriage over which he is grieving.

It really belongs to him even if your mother had promised it to you. Unless you have a will that legally gives it to you, it is his and you really have no right to it.

Have you considered that he is just not telling you?  He might want you to have it but is not ready to give it up yet. That would sound like my father, claiming to not remember where it was. Have you considered he may have even buried her with it? That is not unusual.

I don't know how long it has been since your mother passed on, but also consider your concern and being "at wits end" is part of your grieving process even if some time has passed.

I do understand the need to protect assets. My father was very controlling and also had failing memory and unclear thinking for years. I spent over a decade helping to protect him and their assets sometimes even against his will. It was a delicate balance.

But remember they are just things.

Be gentle. It will probably turn up.

You have my sympathy for your loss.

Best wishes.  

Answer 6

I am sorry for both your losses. Each of us grieves in his own way. Give him some time to do this and quit 'taking the house apart' to look for this keepsake. He obviously needs some time and does not want to tell you all to get lost to give him time to grieve. Some counseling might be in order for you all in reading your post several times. I am not trying to be mean or hateful but you did ask this question to the world. Every one has lost something in this world and we all must bear it in some way. Some medical insurance policies may help with the grief counseling. As a consolation your homeowners insurance policy may cover the rings worth.

Answer 7

All you can do is look everywhere.