Dad unhappy with my brother's adoption..?

Question

Well to begin, my dad and brother have never gotten along. After the divorce like 20 years ago my brother's mother had alot of mental problems and my brother came to live with us when I was born. Today he is a sucessful, 30 year old CEO of a local Boys and Girls Club. He had a son but his wife cheated on him 3 years ago. They got divorced. He decided to adopt a child. I and my mother are quite happy; however, my dad didn't seem happy at all. My dad never calls my brother unless its important. I know there are deeper problems, I just want my dad to be happy with my brother and his newly adopted son. I asked him if he would call, but he said if he did he would "say something." I dont think my dad loves me or my brother. It makes me very sad. What could i do?

thanks..

Answer 1

Well, this question has a lot of family issues muddying the waters.  However, here's my opinion on the adoption related part of your question.   I guess my advice for your brother is not to allow your father's hurtful attitude to reach his child.  If your brother really wants his son to have a relationship with his grandfather, he can try to invite your father to participate.  But, he should educate your father about adoption-related issues, adoption sensitive language, etc.  If your father can't be educated to be a healthy influence in his grandson's life, then he should not be welcomed.

Answer 2

You probably know that after all these years you can't change your dad.  He's the one who will have to live with his feelings about your brother.  All you can do is love your brother through all this, and your new nephew.  At least you have each other.  Be a doting uncle and spoil the kid rotten!

Answer 3

Although I know that it hurts, you can't make your dad have a relationship with your brother and your brother's son.  Just give them as much support as you can and make sure that little boy knows who much he is loved.  If your father has issues with this situation, it might be best if he does stay out of it.  Congrats to your brother though!

Answer 4

very unfortunate story. first of all, if dad cant accept the adoption, well, tough for him. your brother is grown and has proven himself as an adult, if dad cant see that then shame on him. dont allow him to take the joy out of this.

as for the rest, i just dont know what to say. some people are simply not meant to be parents. im not being mean, just honest. dont pester him, let him exclude himself. it is his choice. i dont think its a good one, but the choice is his. celebrate your new niece/nephew and allow him to remove himself from all this. and take note, you now know what you don not want to do as a parent.

good luck to you and your family. it seems you have pulled yourselves up from a troubled past and have moved on. bravo to you. you are so far ahead of the game of life you dont even realize. his choices are his, they have no bearing on you, if he wants to be miserable let him. i will keep my fingers crossed that he will have a change of heart, but if he doesnt, oh well. you know how to love, so just do it!