Dads a alcoholic and advice just doesn't help me so far?

Question

my dads always been a alcoholic,and side from how he is as a person,husband,father or how he would have been anyway,his alcoholism has always affected life,i suppose by asking things people are only going to give you advice that they can,i'm not saying i want someone to tell me its ok to see things carry on,but what i am saying is , is it ok for me now at 28 to move out and get on with my life,as i feel any changed is ever will happen when they will,and the only thing that is horrible is that even with me oved out,its still happening and will still continue to affect my life

Answer 1

I don't really understand why you've stayed there until you are 28. Maybe you feel some misplaced sense of responsibility for your father. The fact is that he is the one who was (until you were 18, at least) supposed to be responsible for you, not the other way around. You do not need to feel, or be, responsible for him or trying to save him or look after him.

He has chosen the life that he leads. Everyone, including alcoholics, make their choices, and he has made his. If he had chosen a different path, he could have put caring for his family first and got help from AA or some similar organisation. He chose not to do that, so don't hold yourself responsible for taking care of him.

Get out now and make a life for yourself. It's totally your choice whether you even stay in contact with him. As things currently stand, it sounds as though you are enabling him more than anything else. Most alcoholics have to hit rock bottom before they will get help, and you are right that problems don't always just get neatly sorted out. He may never give up drinking, and if he doesn't, that is 100% his own choice. He can choose to get help at any time.

Anyway, go and live your own life to the full. Join a support group for the families of alcoholics. Al-Anon is one, and they will be able to help you put things in perspective.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Its bound to affect you whatever happens, but if i was you i would move out, and see your Dad when you choose to see him. It doesnt matter whether you live with him or not, he will still drink, and he will not stop until he wants too( i was married to a alcoholic). You deserve a life, and its not much fun living with an alcoholic, they bring you down, you worry about them!! Make a break, get your own place, then it will be your choice when you see him and for how long!!

Answer 3

You are 28 and it's time for you to move out of your parents house.  I'm sorry your father is a alcoholic but there is nothing you or anyone else can do until he wants to help himself.

There is no use for you to worry about him.  He's not worried about himself and he knows what alcohol can do to a person.

Blessings

Answer 4

Its hard for any family member living with and alcoholic or drug addict i think hes not had to change because life has always been the same the only person who can help your dad is his self he needs to want help first before any changes will happen you need to get on with your own life and if he needs you then let him know you will be there for him sometimes people need to lose everything to realise what they had a lost before they can change good luck x*x  

Answer 5

Alcoholic is a Illness that needs perfectional help ,the only thing you can do is love and respect the fact that he is your dad ,you can't help him you do owe it to yourself to live ,get on with your life ,remember God help those who help themselves,he need help and you need to   pray, ask God to take care of your dad in your absentence ask God to direct your path , let your dad know you love him ,but he has to help himself by getting help

Answer 6

GET OUT NOW!!! You are only here once, as far as we know...if your father was NOT an alkie, what would he say to his son staying at home at the age of 28??? Come on...be reasonable. You cannot change him..you have a life to live...go out and do it before HIS alcoholism wastes any more of YOUR life...

Answer 7

unfortunately, before your dad seeks help he needs to acknowledge the fact that he has a drink problem if he does not things will carry on and nothing will change and only become worse.  Sad fact but true.  I have no doubt that it is affecting your life, it is not pleasant.  Perhaps a change of scene for you may help but you wont be able to stop worrying or caring for your dad.  A frank discussion might be in order when you tell him how you feel and that you cant no longer reside under the same roof, perhaps a jolt is what he needs. There is no easy answer just a prayer that he may seek help when he realises what he is going to lose.  take care of yourself

Answer 8

It's perfectly alright for you to move out and get on with your life. Phone the social services and tell them you've had enough, and you don't feel you should be responsible for someone who really doesn't want to change.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with walking away from a drunk.  

Answer 9

You have a life and need to live it. If you stay you will help your father be an alcoholic. Family members become enablers. You cannot change your father, only he can. I have had an alcoholic father my whole life and he is 70. I definitely know that I can never change him so I went on to do what I needed to do.

Answer 10

get him help.

if you dont - you'll live with the guilt.

kinda like you are now.  

Answer 11

based on experience, i can tell you that unfortunately, your dad is only going to get help when he sees that he needs it. nothing you, or anyone else, can say will make him get help until he realizes that he has a problem.

i am sure you already know this, but alcoholics see drinking as a solution, not as the problem. sometimes it takes losing everything to realize what they had.

you should move out if that's what you want to do, and you should not feel guilty about leaving your dad to deal with his problem. in fact, it would probably help him.

if you have other family members that are also affected by this, you could try something like an "intervention". in my situation, we did that, and it actually got a little worse before it got better. but you kind of have to expect that. people with drinking problems will get offended when they are approached about it, and they will feel like they are being attacked. i am not sure if this has ever happened to you, but for me, whenever we tried to approach the person, they would place the blame on us, in order to take the attention off of themselves. that is a form of denial... making you feel guilty for their problems.

to summarize everything i just said, i think you should move out and move on with your life. you won't be affected as much that way as you are now, with living with it. you may be worried about your father, but like i said, this is something he is going to have to get through himself. unfortunately, it is hard, but it will all come in time.

you could try mentioning getting help for him, but he may become angry with you, since he doesn't see it as a problem.

i really wish you the best, and i hope you can get through this in a healthy way. i know drinking problems affect everyone around the person, and i think the best thing for you to do is create a life for yourself, and stay away from that type of environment.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholics_...

Answer 12

try and get him help but do not let it ruin your life a close family member was a alcoholic and it was a nightmare , there was nothing anyone could do i think they have to want to stop and change their lives first  

Answer 13

My sister in law is an alcoholic. She has lost her husband and her children because of this addiction, she could not be trusted around her own kids. This is an illness, and a severe one if a mother of three children will go without seeing them for over a year for the sake of drink. I never understood it before but seeing her i realised that an alcoholic will never get help for the sake of other people, something has to happen to them that is the absolute rock bottom and only then when they decide they truly want to stop will they get help. Even when they decide this it still may not work. Your father has wasted his life being an alcoholic, are you expected to do the same, waste your life, because of his choices. At 28 it is high time that you got yourself out of that situation and started your own life. If he hasn't changed by now the chances are that he never will and you need to think of yourself.