Damage control for a tenth grader...is there any hope left for college?

Question

I've been homeschooled since about the middle of third grade, and I would generally call it a colossal failure. Despite trying my best to be socially active I don't have any friends -just the one close on from school, seven years ago- and I've been academically neglected.

My parents decided to go for unschooling because my sister violently (as in, physical violence) protested against any assignments. I need -and like- structure, but I haven't had any. When I asked for a schedule, my mom rooted out a couple textbooks based on price and told me to head to my room and hit the books. Needless to say, this was a spectacular failure.

So now I'm here in tenth grade. I'm okay at math because I joined a class last year. I don't have any science, my history is spotty, I can't write an essay, and I've just kinda stopped doing Rosetta Stone.

My dad's out working all day, and my mom works from home. She's not a domestic person; she thinks she's doing fine because when I've said otherwise, even

Answer 1

My advice is to begin with an internet search for "free online high school". This will lead to many options, then you can branch out from there. Also, if you have a church connection, your pastor/youth leader should be a great resource.

Your determination is your best asset; set your mind to getting an education! Don't worry about the usual timetables ("graduate" when you're 18, etc.)- you have your whole life ahead of you. Use it wisely! You seem to have a great understanding of the problem you are facing as well as your need. Use this knowledge and self-discipline just as you will when you are in college, as well as the rest of your life in the adult world.

Answer 2

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you can't do independent studies and research you will not survive college.

Some university courses are with 400 students.  It's a lecture, you have a text book, you takes tests and do papers.

Not very structured and if you want to ask questions you have to make an appointement with the teacher in OFFICE hours.

That is University learning

University learning is you have to tell them something important.  Your choice.

ALL your advisor will do is say NO or YOU NEED MORE references or more citations OR you're not quoting enough.

THe rest is up to you.

In the LAB sections for science you and another person are at a station in a big room, maybe with a gradaute student at the desk.  And you have a lab assignment from the teacher and you have to do and show your work and your results.

There ain't much of anyone around to ask, except other students and THEY may not be doing the same lab experiment.

Now, high school is hand holding, which you indicate you need, for there is science out there everywhere.

There is How Things Work on the internet, free

There is Britanica, Wikipeida

There are Astronomy sites galore

There are weather sites with dopler radar.

It's all out there you just got google it.

You can't google it, can't make it through college

The professors not going to give you book titles to research YOU have to go to the library and do searches for Mercantilism and YOU are expected to read dozens of books, joit down citations and form your paper based on all of what you read.

I'm surprised you're doing well with math, that reall takes someone helping you because it's so abstract.

You are proof homeschooling and unschool doesn't work for everyone.

I unschooled totally in most of science.  I would read astronomy books at the library at the age of 8 and 9, books on atomic energy, science fiction books.

I learned how to read weather maps, take wet and dry bulb temperatures and figure out humidity from that.

You don't say how old you are, but most parents don't let kids out to roam until they are 10 or 11 and then they like them close to home and by 13 of 14 they are going all over the place.  So isolation is somewhat normal.

Everyone's history is spotty (second most hated course in school after math and before English).

I'm assuming you don't have Cable, because you see there is the Science channel, Discovery, History, Military and PBS

You can unschool watching those 6 hours a day and after 5 years you know more than most 12th graders know, EXCEPT for the math and English grammar.

The library does have DVDs and VHS tapes

You need structure, you'll get it in high school til it comes out of your ears, but in college they expect you to study indepdently so you better start learning indepenent study habits.

I was typing with all my fingers by age 7 which I learned at home and on my own.  I was doing creative writing and submitting to talent contests (and getting panned) and to magazines and I eventually got one published at 16.

Never took writing in school.

Just learned it.

Got some tips from people.

Kept writing.

To get into college you have to cover the highschool pre course

Algebra 1-2

Geometry 1-2

Trig 1

English Grammar

Writing in AP and Harvard styles

Civics

Biology 1-2

Math Chemistry or Physics

That's for full college

You can go to a JC or CC without it, but you still gotta take the MATH because 101 is required as is English 101

Unless you want a certificate or diploma in a trade field like dental hygene or Nuring Assistant or Medical Tech or something like that.  That avoids the math and English, but it's not a degree it's a certificate.

Answer 3

Mmmm, though it may not seem like it from what you are saying, there is something about this that smacks of a kid who may be trying to blame a mom when in truth it is the student themselves that hasn't done the work consistently yet resists parent's attempts to help. I am generally very gentle and tender in my responses on questions such as these, but I think perhaps a medicine in full-dose is needful here.

One of my four has been  like this, so perhaps that is why this all sounds familar to me. Thankfully only one or I think I would have thrown in the towel on homeschooling years ago. LOL. Actually, she has grown up a lot over the last year and I see her now really trying. Problem is, she is a senior and is now having to face some unpleasant facts about what her past behavior cost her.

Nothing pleased her from the time she hit puberty. If I tried to get her involved in the homeschool co-ops I taught or join in the activities the rest of the family was doing for homeschool, she complained or acted sullen. She is not the youngest nor the oldest. Others her age participated and had a great time and learned a lot, so the activities were not too hard nor too easy. She would complain that she had too much stress with all the work she was given then I backed her off to just a few subjects and she complained it isn't enough. She complained she liked to work independently and I let her do so then when I asked if she understood her material and was getting the work done, I found out time and time again she had been goofing off the whole time and didn't do the work. Then I would put her back on working with the family group or one-on-one, she awas all sullen again

Once, I asked to see her work when she was in one of the 'independent work cycles' and she said she couldn't fnd it. She closed the door and was in there for hours. Then she appeared saying that she found the work. I am no fool and had plenty of past experience with her. I knew what she was doing, but I decided to go along with it. She posted in her blog the next day how mean her mom was for making her work hours and hours on endless math assignments. I had her then. Proof from her own blog that she was in there creating work she said she had been keeping up with.

I went round and round with her for years, trying to please her and trying to help her see she needed to take responsibility if I gave her her requests. I think the last one was the clincher and out of it she really grew up a lot. She would be the first one now to admit it. She asked to go to public school this year and I let her. It kind of shocked me when I drove home from dropping her off that first day at public school that I was shouting for joy on the drive home. I really thought that I would be sad. But that isn't what I felt. I was just tired of the constant battle.

She discovered that the grass isn't any more green over there at the public school than at home. Somehow I think the public school experiences (quite negative) she had and just plain getting old enough that she grew up a bit helped her to see that the patterns of complaints were ways in which she was actually ducking her responsibilities. Now that she has finally admitted to what I have been trying to tell her, I have seen a dramatic improvement. She has still been a slacker a time or two since coming back to homeschooling, but now she admits it and takes responsibility for it instead of trying to turn it to a complaint and blame session. She has been participating in our co-op classes and actually enjoying it.

Anyway, the point is. It really sounds to me like your mom has been trying. She has looked for outside resources and curriculum when you have complained. She has located and paid a tutor. She has trusted you to get the work done when you are to work independently.

You say you are a schedule person and she is not providing it. Plainly, it isn't the schedule, but accountability that is the problem. If you are like my daughter, you complain to have it but don't hold your end of the bargain when you get it. Then the tendency is to try to blame the mom.

Sorry, maybe I am really off on reading this. But having experienced three children who cooperate, work hard, are grateful, and excel as a result and one that was never satisfied, I cannot help but wonder if your mom is getting an unfair rap here.

My suggestions:

If you want a schedule, make one and keep it. You do not need your mamma to do that for you in the tenth grade.

If you ask for a class or curriculum, then do the work consistently until you get the course completed. Your mama will not be there to be sure you get your homework done when you are in college and neither will a professors hold your hand.

Quit blaming your mom. Your complaints are all in areas that by the tenth grade you should be taking some responsibility for doing yourself.

Perhaps a "Mom, thanks for homeschooling me and putting up with two stubborn daughters." is something that is long overdue. I at least have three kids I can look to and say I am accomplishing much with - and now, finally, my daughter as well. Your mom doesn't sound like she has anything more than dogged determination to keep at it and hope to finally see the day when her daughters will wake up.

Addition:

I have some engineering background and our online course co-op currently has chemistry class running (it is one semester in at this point, but I have VoiceThreaded the lectures if you want to use them or join in the live classes) and a brand new physics class starting up in a week. If you would like to join in, e-mail me at [e-mail].

Our courses are free but you will need a mic/headphone combination (we have a full diplex audio classroom) and the textbooks. We are using Aplogia first editions of chemsitry and physics since they are plentiful used and are inexpensive.

We meet in a live online classroom via a link that I will send you. There are about 12 homeschool students in the chemistry class from all over the continental US and a few from Canada. They are pleasant, fun group of kids and I think you will love the classroom atmosphere. A lot of friendships have sprung up from this creative group and they often hang around after class time to visit in the classroom or drop in on the evenings and weekends while I am making slides to chat or ask a question. Despite the firmness with which I have posted, you will find your teacher most amiable and supportive.

If you are interested, e-mail me at [e-mail] or drop in to our website at http://www.virtualhomeschoolgroup.com/ and take the physics and chemistry link to look around. You can also find the VoiceThread links there if you prefer to study on your own instead of doing the online classroom.

Answer 4

If you need and lilke structure, you should do well in a normal high school. I don't completely understand the circumstances for your being academically neglected, but you should definitely join your local high school! My parents one tried to "teach" me from random textbooks they found in bookstores, online, etc. but i spent most of my time staring at a problem and trying to make it make sense to me.

Answer 5

Judging from your well worded question, I am sure you could write an A+ essay.

Don't underestimate yourself.

I don't necessarily agree with the very hands-off approach you describe.  But, have you ever considered that there might be a silver lining?

Think about how self-reliant and responsible you are!

Think about how concerned you are that you are well educated!

You recognize for yourself where you may have some weaknesses.

OK... so you have described your situation. YOU can make it work for yourself if you put your mind to it.

Make and stick to your own schedule.

Look into community college courses (they may be free in your state - they are in many for dual enrolled students).

You express yourself very well... and to answer your question directly... yes, I think you have great potential for college.

Don't give up.

Answer 6

Here's how I see it and it may came across as rather harsh:

You are 15 or 16. 100 and some years ago, you would have been treated like an adult. Nothing stopping you from acting like one now. You don't have the funds to do x and y? Then find another solution. Your parents won't do z? Then find another solution.

It sounds like you just want somebody else to tell you what to do and blaming everybody else for you not taking responsibility for yourself. Well, you know what?  As an adult, nobody's going to be telling you what to do all the time. When you're in college for your classes, they aren't going to tell you when to study or anything like that. Yes, it'd be nice for you to have more structure, but in the end, YOU'VE got to decide to just step up to the plate.

Yes there's hope left for college. Set your own structure. Make yourself a schedule, find some groups online to help you find resources and provide recommendations, find a study buddy, set yourself some deadlines... Or even look into seeing if you've got free online public or charter school where you live. You seem to think the only solution is for your parents to act in the way that you want them to act, but it's not the only solution. Think of other solutions!!!

As long as you are as unmotivated as you are, you will NOT become an engineer. Because nobody in college is going to tell you to study or when to study, nobody's going to tell you to go look for a job, nobody's going to tell you to put together a resume and go for interviews... Get my drift?

I'm just baffled at why you can't make yourself a schedule. Why are you depending on your parents so much? Learn to be independent and you'll have most of your problem solved. Check into some self-improvement literature, too, to help you shift your thinking and get yourself motivated to DO something for yourself.

Btw, it's not your place to tell your mother otherwise for how domestic she is.

ADDED: Rereading your question, it really sounds like it all boils down to a lack of self-confidence. Those who lack self-confidence are the only kind of people who want some external authority to keep track of them. Trust yourself!!! Believe in yourself!!! You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. Watch "The Secret"--it might help.

Answer 7

You should ask your parents to get you in touch with Sylvan learning center if they have one in your state and get them to tutor you and bring you up to code in your learning.  If you do that should bring you up to were you need to be for college. You have time to get it in order if you do it now.

Answer 8

You really need serious work in the next two years. First, start going to regular school to get things in check. Apply to a private tutor and start going 6 days a week, 2-3 hours per session (may cost you, but you want to get to college, right?). Start at a grade level where you know some things but not everything (e.g. Grade 9 English). Study intensely and try to absorb as much as possible. Start studying for the SAT since you're behind the pack.

That's all I have, good luck to you.

Answer 9

Have you considered a distance learning program or virtual schooling? Such a program might be able to give you more of the structure you need.

It looks like you write pretty well, which is half the battle, and you say you're okay at math, which is the other half. I see no reason why you couldn't end up in college; if you end up with low standardized test scores you can always go to a community college or Jr college for a while and then transfer to a 4-year.

Have you thought about looking in your area for a museum or science center that offers classes aimed at teens? Or checking out your library or bookstore to see if there is a writing group?

As for socialization-- are you allowed to go out of the house? If so, why not go for a part-time job or volunteer position, so you're getting out every day and meeting people.

Answer 10

well, I can understand how tough you feel...

you do want to see other thing is that, you are also responsible for your life, it's good you asking question now. so if your mom's style is for you to hit the book and obviously you have a lot of resource to the internet. why not using internet as a source of your teaching.

however, some stuff in the internet you do have to be careful for the content that might not be accurate. choose more from site ending up

gov or edu first because that's more reliable and then org..

you can make a structure yourself.

or you can talk to your parens about it and explian to them you want to go back school.

don't worry about no friend, I had no friend for a long time even I went to public school but after while I start making, well after maybe ten yrs later after I studying Buddhism. because I have passion in my life and and I realized I should have such high expectation for a frend, I can make myself happy.

good luck..you can still become very smart and learning a lot, but maybe not as smart in social event, but you are going to college right, then you will meeting friend then. it's only 2 more yrs, it will get here before you know it.

Answer 11

Why don't you ask them to put you in regular school or hire a tutor?

Answer 12

Hi Azatoth!

First of all, relax, and be assured.  :D   There are so many ways to "go to college," and you will undoubtedly find your way.  It may be that you will not be able to place yourself in the position to land a 4-year scholarship to a university, but that is not the only option available to people.  There are many schools that operate on an open-enrollment basis - as somebody pointed out, if you can pay for college, they'll admit you.  You don't even have to go full time.  I had to put myself through college and while it took *forever* since I could only afford one or two courses at a time, I did eventually come out the other side with a degree in hand.

  

You just need to get yourself to that point over the next 2 1/2 years.  You write well, so learning how to create "proper essays" will not be difficult for you.  Search out sites online for direction in creating good essays. You'll want math through algebra 2, and basic U.S. history, earth science, and SAT practice.  You can find second-hand textbooks online through ebay, half.com, and homeschool forums.  

It's good that you are concerned about your education.  This shows that you are maturing and that you recognize a need to take on responsibility.  You are still young, though, and understandably feel at a loss on your own.  I don't agree with earlier respondents who feel that you are simply blaming your mother for all your problems.  I read you as a concerned youth who is trying to explain the difficult circumstances you find yourself in, not as a complaining whiner.  

Regardless of how you got to the point you are at, the fact is that your education is mainly up to you, and you are not going to get the kind of structure you crave from your family set-up.  That doesn't make your parents or their choice of lifestyle bad - it just makes their choices different from what works for you.  This leaves you with three options: 1) seek comfort in the last vestiges of childhood - take no action (but keep floundering like you have been); 2) act like a normal teenager - let others make the decisions and hold you to the line (take your chances at the admittedly unsavory high school in your area); 3) step into adulthood and forge your own education.  I'm betting you have the wherewithal to do #3, but you don't know how.

Several states have free online high schools now, like the one here in Florida.  That would be an awesome choice for you, as you would get the structure you crave, and your parents would not have to pay for more textbooks.  If that is not an option, you need to either go through the hassel of getting all those interviews and papers set up for the other school you mentioned or else figure out a way to structure yourself.  I know that is hard for those of us who thrive on outside accountability, but if you really put yourself to it, you can succeed.  Use tables and teacher gradebooks to help structure yourself.  Create deadlines that can be checked off, print them out, and tape them on your wall where you can see your own accountability.  

Get to the library and ask the librarian to help you find local county resources for enriching your education without calling your parents child neglectors - we have a great homeschool liaison at the county school board; perhaps you do, too.  Present yourself as a with-it-teen who wants to prepare herself for college, not as an agrieved child.  The people you seek out don't need to know all your family probs, just what you want to accomplish.  :D

If you keep a positive attitude, and step up to the task of assuming an early adulthood, you'll go far!

Answer 13

The first thing not to do is panic. I wasn't homeschooled nearly as long as you were, but I was during my freshman year in high school (now I'm a junior). I remember the sick feeling I had every day - the feeling that I was getting further and further behind everyone else my own age. But then, once I was back in a regular school, I realized that I wasn't as far behind as I originally thought.

First, think about what sets you apart from others. Any interesting experiences? Any hobbies or sports? Colleges don't JUST look at grades and test scores (even though that's a big part of it). And trust me, as long as you have money, there will be some college out there somewhere that will accept you. Or try looking for one overseas. Have you asked your parents to consider getting you a tutor? Some people agree to tutor for free, so just look for the right person. That's what I did, and it did wonders.

Answer 14

I'm sorry it's been like that, I really am.  

What I would suggest is to check into classes at your local community college - there are everything from remedial to advanced classes, and you would be eligible for concurrent enrollmnet.  You can take lab science, history, writing, lit, comp, foreign languages, and math, all for not very much money - and the credits can count as both college and high school credits.  You can even present it to your mom as being less expensive than most high school co op classes...I teach them, trust me on this!

Your parents have probably been exhausted by trying to handle your sister; in the meantime, unfortunately, your needs fell by the wayside.  This shouldn't have happened, and it isn't right, but you are old enough to take control of it now.  The community college classes will give you both the structure and the instruction that you need, and should do well at preparing you for college.

Hope that helps!

Edit - what state do you live in?  There very well may be a free online school that can give you the structure you're looking for, even for a year or so.  This would teach you how to do it for yourself.  You *are* old enough to set a structure for yourself, but it is a learned skill.  Once you get the hang of it, you'll likely find it easy and gain the confidence in yourself to do so.

Answer 15

this is your best bet,,,,  get a high school diploma best you ,, but get a diploma not a GED< then join the military, ,Navy proferably, they will give you the college education

Answer 16

Come to Canada.

It's cheaper, and you'll get a better university education.

You could consider going to college for a while before tackling university.

Answer 17

Hey.  It sounds to me that you are a typical teenager and haven't matured enough not to blame everyone else for your problems.  

It is not your father's fault.  It is not your mother's fault.

Start your Rosetta Stone, go online and learn some history and science, get the text book out and read it, and basically just start learning.  

I am not in school either.  I went to public school.  I am 54 years old and if all I learned had been in school, I would be rather dumb right now.  

If you learn better by lectures, check out some of the college lectures online.

Take notes.

Learn.

You say that you cannot write an essay, but I would say you did ok in writing this essay about being damaged by homeschool and your parents choices for you.  It is not perfect, but it is better than many essays I have read from seniors doing their senior projects in public school.