Dating a guy with 2 kids!!!!!!!?

Question

hey, I need help. I am totally in love with a man who has custody of his 2 children. They are 5 and 6 and still see their mother 3 days a week. The problem? They are brats! They run around stores, the house, and hate vegetables. I also have a 3 year old son but he is respectful and minds his manners. He really listens when he is told something and doesn't usually have to be yelled at. The best part is he loves fruits and veggies. How can we make this work without my hating his children?

Answer 1

If you love him you have to love his kids with all their faults. Maybe you thinking of them in a negative light is being projected back at you. Be patient and kind. Let their father and mother do most of the discipline and you should take this time to get to know them. If you marry him you marry his kids too. His kids are part of him and if you are hating them then that is not a good sign.

Answer 2

You'll have to struggle for a few years but do try to gently influence and teach the kids while they are still young (this age of the kids is great for you to be influencing them! They are still flexible and open to trust and learning new things).

When they are older (approaching their teens) then it's almost impossible to gain their love and trust.

You can have a great future with him and if he supports you and you support him in caring for the kids, then you'll find you have a great family together!

Answer 3

Mystery5 is totally wrong.....

   You knew this man had custody of his 2 children. and this did not make you walk away.  Good for you

   The solution is communication with your man..  First you need to understand (which I am sure you do) that these children are a part of him. They will be just as much a part of your life as they are  his.

   Secondly, Your man must accept the fact that these children are lacking in discipline, and if you are to be a part of their life you must be able to administer punishment as you see fit and he must back you on this matter,   This is sure to raise problems with the children's mother, but your man MUST support you, ,, .

  It is the fathers responsibility to confront the mother and the children, up front that he loves you and that as long as you are in his life the children and their mother must listen to you the same as they listen to him, and not to try to stir up trouble..

   If he is not willing to do this,, then you probably might want to reconsider your relationship .   It could be a real nightmare if he doesn't support you     Good Luck

Answer 4

Tasha, in my opinion these feelings you are experiencing are a "deal breaker".  

It is not your role in the relationship to discipline or try to change the children.  They are too old for you to come in a try to shake things up.

Obviously you cannot ask your guy to choose between his kids and you.

This issue is NOT going to go away - in fact, I predict that it will only get worse because of the wording in your question.  Read it back slowly and thoughtfully and you will see what I mean.

Don't make yourself miserable, your guy miserable, his children miserable, your child miserable... You need to move on.  Sorry.

Answer 5

Your boyfriend needs to get control of his children.  He may not know how to do this. There are resources available to him.  Have a discussion with him.  If he understands this is a problem then you may have a chance of getting him to take action. If he does not see it as a problem RUN RUN RUN. You can't save him and you will only grow to resent him.

Answer 6

All i can say you must me desperate go find yourself a man without baggage.