Dating an alcohol abuser?

Question

My boyfriend has all the signs of somebody who abuses alcohol. He drinks a minimum of at 2 beers a night (not that I have a problem with that - but he doesn't go a night without drinking ANYTHING); drinks WHILE he drives; drinks a beer when he wakes up after a night of partying - and continues to drink during the day on the weekends.....and while I know he loves to party and so do I, it seems like he always has to have a drink because, as he puts it, "it helps him relax." When I say I don't want to drink anything he pushes me to have at least one with him and bugs me even after I say no.

My question is:

1) How do I make him see that his drinking is a problem? Every time I try to say something about how he should cut down we get into a fight - he doesn't think I should tell him "what to do."

2) Do I try to make things work if he doesn't change? I love him and want the BEST for him - things are GREAT when he's sober - but the constant drinking is something I have a hard time being around (especially since I've had my share of addiction problems in the past and have no desire to fall back into that lifestyle).

3) What would YOU do????

Answer 1

1) You don't

2) No

3) Leave

Answer 2

I feel I can answer this question confidently, as I have been there.  My boyfriend has been a drug addict for 15 years, on and off.  And there is only one thing I can tell you for sure, and that is you can't help him.  Only he can decide he has a problem, and only he can decide to fix it.  The other thing is to protect yourself at all costs.  My bf became very abusive (physically and emotionally) when he was under the influence.  And if you've had addiction problems in the past, you need to take care of you!  I know that you want the best for him, but until he does, there's not much you can do.  I'm sorry if it seems I'm lecturing, but I really wish I'd had someone to help me out.  I'll keep you in my thoughts, best of luck!

Answer 3

I would do my best to help this guy realize that he does have a problem, say how I feel about it, and see if he wants help. If he wants help getting over this and moving on, then I would stay and help. If he thinks it isnt a problem and wont change, then I would have to move on. Being with a guy that is either an alcoholic or is on the verge of becoming an alcoholic isnt going to help your relationship. In the end it will probably destroy it. For now talk to him about it, and make a decision that will be best for both of you in the long run.  

Answer 4

I know this may sound harsh but I would tell him either you stop drinking or you will leave.  If he doesn't stop then leave.  I don't think he loves you as much as you think he does.  If you give him that ultimatum you will see .  I think he will choose the drinking.  I know that this will hurt but it is better to hurt now then when you are more deeply involved.  You know what an addiction can do.  It can destroy relationships and so many more things.  Look out for yourself, he won't look out for you.  Best of luck to you and I know that you will make the right decision.

Answer 5

Id dump him like a rock unless you like the life style he is living. He will have to do the changing, and that doesnt happen until he is at rock bottom. even if he promises to quit I would run as fast as I can. You might love him now but you will hate him when this is over. Sorry.

Answer 6

He won't change.

Leave him.