Dating someone I wasn't initially attracted to. Is it worth it?

Question

Ive been dating a dude who is perfect...hes very smart, is in medical school, and is a absolute gentleman. The thing is hes not my type exactly physically. I'm used to dating cocky ******* who know they are really attractive and dont call me back, hardly care about me for that matter, and take take take instead of a balanced give-take relationship.

One time, I started dating a dude I honestly couldnt stand to be around because I wasn't physically attracted to him (though he was deff everything else you could want). Long story short I stuck it out and totally fell in love with him. We broke up because he moved away for grad school though....So i'm hoping this will happen again for me. I feel like people who start off head over heals have unrealistic expectations and get caught up in the moment rather than thinking about the long term...

Have any of you had to "fight yourself" like this to go for the good guy rather than get hurt again by something not good for you??

How did it work? What about the people that you know who have been married a good amount of time..love at first sight or slow and steady?

Answer 1

I think with your last relationship you were so much more concerned on hating him than you were on really getting to know the guy. If may be why you fell head over heels for him cause you really started to get to know him.

Answer 2

Well you need to ask yourself: Does appearance matter to you in the long run? Can I be happy with this person for who they are someday?

If you aren't sure about these questions then maybe this relationship should end now before it hurts both of you too much.

Answer 3

Its weird .... I've dated the fairly good looking b*stards - but also guys who I'm not really attracted to but they 'grow' on me

Niether really work out to be honest - coz I'm compromising both times

The first is compromising because they are a b*stard with women

The second is compromising because its not what I REALLY want , deep down

So now I'm just being patient and holding out for the best of both - a good looking guy who's not a bast*rd ... hard to find - but better than compromising ... and to be honest - even the non good looking ones weren't exactly mr perfect and had problems too - so I can't bleeding win!

OK - Yes I can .... I'm just going to wait for what I REALLY want in a boyfriend - and be patient ... its hard - but I reckon its worth it!!!

Answer 4

it will be worth it:)

i did the same thing. granted he wasnt in medical school haha.

but i wasnt very into him at the begining.

i didnt feel sparks and i was jsut dating him cause he

kept persisting and i felt bad.

but after about 3 months of being with him.

i fell madly in love with him.

he just stole my heart and i realized i was finally being treated

the way i deserve to be treated:)

so its definietly worth it.

you grow to love someone:)

Answer 5

I think you should give this guy a chance and not hope the worst for him and yourself. I was married for 6 years before my wife passed away and during the first year I asked her as to why she picked me. Her response was that I was different from all the other guys she dated and I treated her better too. She mentioned that the guys she was used to dating were abusive and cocky. They didn't treat her the way she wanted to be treated so she told herself at that time (when she was tired of dating the wrong type of men) that she would try someone different (personality, qualities,etc.). When she did she told me that's when I came into her life. I truly loved her and still do. She also told me that she never regretted her decision to go after someone different than what she was used to. I am not saying this guy is the one for you but you never know what lies ahead for you. Give him a chance and see where it goes.

Answer 6

The girl I loved had an affair with the good-looking cocky ****** you talk about, except that he was a brainless ********. I kicked her out, she married him, she now has 3 kids, he's never had a job, and they live on welfare. I met her again recently after many years. A mess... Sad...

Turns out I had a lucky escape perhaps... If she was content with the d**k-head, she would not have survived me and the life I lead. At the time tho, it hurt like h**l and I was bewildered...

So life has shown me what happens when you think short-term. After the initial rush of lust and sexual romance and discovering each other, what then?

What is left when that has worn off?

You live once, and you're dead a long time.

Good luck

STeve

Answer 7

Fast or slow, it could work either way. It sounds like being more open to different physical types is working for you.

Yes, I too had to stick it out with a good guy who was crazy about me. I didn't think he was cute enough for me (I was young and stupid). Eventually I came to think he was very handsome. It didn't work out because when I returned his feelings, he got scared. (He was young and stupid too.) But it shows that you can develop a physical attraction sometimes, if you give it a little time.

I wouldn't marry anyone I wasn't physically attracted to, though, on the theory that they love me and are good to me. You do have to have mutual sexual attraction, or you'll be very frustrated. You'll be thinking about cheating all the time, and guilty because you want to cheat on a nice guy.