Daughter's friend (???)?

Question

My daughter is 13 going into eighth grade. Her group of friends are very bright and have positioned themselves as friendly oddballs, generally well liked, but not worrying about being the popular kids. I'm fine with that and admire the girls for being "themselves". This is with the exception of one friend who says and does inappropriate things, makes crank calls and ding dong ditches (at 13), harrasses boys (she thinks it's cute and funny), is critical and outright mean to some of the group (not my daughter so much). She is pretty much hated outside her group and not trusted within. I know that at this age that kids are still figuring things out, which is why I'm really deep in my own daughter's dish, so to speak, and need lots of guidance. I don't really believe in telling my daughter that she can't be friends with this girl, but I have no problem telling her why I think the friendship is detrimental to her.

Last night we got a call from another friend's parents that the girls had crank called them (these are some serious people) and said nasty things. Haven't talked with the dad yet, but this is just one more example of my D getting involved in inappropriate stuff when with this girl. I've already told D that she is not allowed on the phone where I can't hear her. D feels that she can't just ditch the friend. I said that she could and that it happens all the time. I'm not heartless. This has been going on all spring and summer. What are your thoughts on the friend situation?

Answer 1

you need to let loose and let your kid make some mistakes. this girl doesnt sound harmful in any way and seriously if ding dong ditching and prank calls are your worry u need to walk outside. and harrasing boys...im 14 and in 8th grade i know some people that did some nasty stuff...more than harasing for sure. and uhhh u know if she isnt hurting anybody then u shouldnt worry if she is disregard this whole thing. also u said she said dome nasty things...in my school, actually my whole state (CA) within the first week of 6th grade you have heard it all and if your daughters school is anything like mine trust me your daughter has heard it all. dont protect her and make her a mommas girl because remember shes gonna hit college and booze up

Answer 2

i think it would be better for your daughter to not hang around this girl,she sounds like a trouble maker

Answer 3

She sounds like a normal 13 year old. I think it is fine for your daughter to hang out with this girl, but remind her if she is too naughty she will get a spanking.

Answer 4

I think you should talk to the girl's parents and tell them what has been going on, that the girls who do tolerate the girl have been very kind to her and that you can't speak for the other parents but the general feeling is that the other parents have tolerated things up to this point, but now it is seeming that "Haley" is being unkind and doing some very detrimental things, that she needs some guidance or even her friendly group of pals will shun her because being with her is not in their best interest.

Say you raise your daughter to be kind and give others the benefit of the doubt, but not to lower her standards of behavior and that you knew she (the mother) would want to know these things were happening so she could talk to Haley and give her some guidance.

Say you are sorry you didn't approach her earlier and that you hope to see Haley around.

Answer 5

At a sleepover party for my friends 8th bday, they did ddd's and I left. I felt it was wrong ON MY ON.

Answer 6

The fact that someone called you to tell you that your daughter took part in something she knows is wrong because of that girl's influence gives you the answer. You have to protect your daughter first and foremost.

Where were the girls when that phone call occurred? If they were at the other girl's house then my daughter wouldn't be allowed to go there.  At a minimum I would not allow her to be with the other girl unless you know they are going to be well supervised by people you trust. No exceptions.

Hopefully, if you and the parents of your daughter's other friends take that stance then the mean girl will realize she has to behave and will grow up. If she doesn't and still continues to pressure her friends to do wrong things, then I think you should get all the parents to refuse to let her hang out with any of the girls. Crank phone calls are something many kids do and outgrow rather quickly but if she is doing mean things to others she can't be allowed to get away with it.

I know it sounds mean but you can't allow your daughter to be influenced by her which is apparently happening. If allowed to continue, this other girl may get worse and lead your daughter and her friends into something where someone could get seriously hurt.