Daughter Lies To Me?

Question

I have a 13year old daughter. We used to be close. Now she's lying to me.

I bought her this dress and these shoes:

http://www.limitedtoo.com/detail/8406011

http://www.limitedtoo.com/detail/1476533

for Easter. When I brought it home, she said she loved it. But then, this afternoon, I wanted to iron it one last time. So, I go into her closet and she's behind me saying "Mom, no! It's fine!" and I look all over for the dress and I find this instead:

http://www.limitedtoo.com/detail/3132986

and

http://www.limitedtoo.com/detail/7534040

instead in the place I had put it.

Apparently, she grabbed my recipiet of the outfit I bought her and got this in return. She said she truly hated it but didn't know how to tell me.

Then, just two weeks ago, I asked her to put the clothes in the dryer when it beeped. She said she did, but didn't.

Now those things are minor, but this is bad. She told me she was sleeping over Jennie's house, but instead she went to a party(c)

Answer 1

The moment all parents worry about. The Bad Girl Stage. You have to ground her for a long time and then let her go free. But make her understand that if she does anything wrong again then she'll be grounded longer and you'll start sitting in her classes with her. It's a bit extreme, I know but when she realizes that your trust is important she'll do whatever it takes to do the right thing. Including saying no to parties that involve drinking.

Answer 2

have a very deep talk with her...not only as a mom, but as her friend...let her know real consequences that can happen to her if she goes on living a life like that...you may want to get her in counseling...get her involved in positive activities...maybe yoga to relax her...or kick boxing to help release some frustrations...good luck

Answer 3

i would again exchange the dress for the one you purchaced to let her know that that wasnt ok, also. the lying thing has to get under control because it can turn into her going to uncontroled parties ect

Answer 4

The top is much cuter...

Okay, sorry B2B. How long did you ground her? Had you talked to her about drugs and alcohol previously? Are you sure this was a one time thing? Is there a possibility that she has done similar things before without you knowing it? I suggest saying that she can't have anymore sleep overs until further notice, she has to have a guardian along with her at any future parties, and take away her cell, or anything else you see fit to take away.

P.S.

was her outfit supposed to match, cause she very well maybe color blind.

Also, when U are that young you are curious about that kind of thing and two sips can get you totally baked because your body can't handle even the slightest alcohol. She might not have even known she was getting drunk, some one could have spiked the punch w/out her knowing.

Answer 5

There may be a reason why she is acting like this. When kids get older they drift away from their parents. When girls are 13 they don't like to shop at limited too anymore and they want to move on to other stores and things to do. Also kids rebell against their parents if they set too many rules (explaining the party/drunk thing) so all you have to do is be less strict with her and trust her. She will learn from her mistakes. You don't want to end up hurting your relationship with her!

best of luck

Answer 6

talk to her but casually so she doesnt feel pressured

maybe she just generally didnt like the dress..and as for the jennies house thing i would talk about it and explain to her how bad the consequences of lying are e.g..what would happen if she'd sed she were goin to jennies then you went to hospital or something ..ask her why she didnt just ask to go to the party.

Answer 7

The first thing guys learn (or better learn)  is to never buy a girl or woman clothes.......THAT is not nice at 13;  it's OK at 3.

She is trying to be nice about it and not hurt your feelings...

So she feels bad and blows off some steam.

If she is drinking and probably other things.....You better deal with her as a WOMAN and stop the little good girl thing.

She has obviously passed up the little girl thing years ago.

Mother's and daughter's lying to each other is what they do.(don't you watch tv...thats 80% of TV programs)

Although Mothers and Daughters alway claim the opposite, and to be best bud's.

Childish punishments gonna make it worse....you better take the drinking issue straight on....its not so bad....but you must hold it down to the normal "drinking for bragging rights, stuff."   Instead of it becoming a Real Issue or Dangerous Problem,  there is a lot worse out there than booz.

Be thankful its only booz.....

The dress matching thing......well you  Remember Madona, right!   Drove the folks mad uh?

Answer 8

take the dress back and buy your self something nice and tell her thank you, I would not let her out of my sight for a very long time. when she starts begging and pleading for some freedom then you set some new rules.

Answer 9

Every time she lies to you take something away from her.

Like if she has a radio in her room take it away from her and tell her she can have it back when she learns to tell the truth.If she keeps lying just keep taking things away from her.

Answer 10

coming from a 14 years old..your daughter isn't going to change until she realizes that her lying could be dangerous. If she got drunk u need to send her to some kind of specialist.. i bet u r a great mother and its not ur fault. and u should talk to her like. really realy talk to her. im sorry but i couldnt ber her friend.

Answer 11

Ground her for life, essentially. I hate that phase, it's the hardest one. :( Take the outfit she bought back (next time, make sure to let her choose the dress, though. I do see where she's coming from there). Also, when she goes to the mall, check her bag so you know she's not doing stuff like that! It can all be justified with a disappointed look and, "I'm really disappointed that you're lying to me. I don't think I can trust you until you prove to me I can." This does them in. Really reciprocate your feelings on this without yelling at her. Tell her from now on, when she does go out, you'll be calling her to check up, and she better answer the phone or else.

The drinking thing is inexcusable. Her life should consist of school, family events and church from now on. No TV. No computer. No talking on the phone. She needs to learn this lesson NOW, before it's too late.

Good luck, hun!

Answer 12

She's 13.. she'll probably continue lying till she graduates from high school. I think you need to be more strict with her and let her know that she doesn't get to do whatever she wants. Imagine if she had been raped after passing out! I don't want to scare you but these are things you have to think about when your sweet little 13 year old is supposedly going to spend the night at Jennie's house. She obviously does not value your trust and she's not interested in being a responsible adult yet. If I were you, sleep overs would be over and if she has a cell phone, I would call your service provider and ask them to active a gps system on it so that from your phone, you can see where she is at all times. When activated, this just looks like a little bullseye on the corner of her phone. It's a monthly fee to actually use it but I think it's worth the peace of mind. She's going to be pressured into a lot of things during the next few years and it seems like she'd rather have fun than think things through.

Answer 13

your child drinks AT 13 you need to get here some rehab help

Answer 14

be very open with her. let her know that her behaviour makes it very difficult for you to trust her, and in the future check to see where she is going.  also, girls at this age are experimenting with styles. this is fine unless she lies to you about it. encourage her to be honest about clothes, but also tell her if she does it again there will be consequences.

Answer 15

Were that shirt and that skirt supposed to go together? Woah!-your daughter needs a fashion therapist. I prefer your outfit.

Joking! I do prefer your outfit, but that was, well, a little harsh.

  If you can't trust her, you have to make her prove to you that you can. Have a little one-on-one chat with her. Tell her that lately, you can't trust her and that you hope that she can prove to you that you can. Tell her that the whole party and returning clothes thing behind your back was over the tops and she shouldn't have done it. Also tell her that lying is rude and ignorant, and that you want her to be able to tell you the truth without lying, because that would've worked out a lot better than this. Partying at thirteen is stupid, and you don't want her to ruin her life over lying. Because when a lie starts, it grows and grows and never stops.

Hope your daughter stops lying,

Claire ;)

Answer 16

the fist outfit was adorable

Answer 17

My son (17)'s dr. says that lying is to be expected at that age, because kids are learning to use it as a problem-solving tool.  She doesn't want to rotate the laundry, she lies.  It's a great way to get out of work and she only gets caught half the time.

Dr. says ignore the moral standard of lying.  Look at it as a behavior that needs to be changed.  Your daughter needs to learn better problem-solving skills so that she won't resort to lying instead of handling her problems herself or asking for your help.  Guess who's job it is to teach her these problem-solving skills?  You guessed it--yours!

We have asked our son for two things:  honesty and nonfailing grades.  At the moment it doesn't seem as if anything else matters.

TX Mom

Answer 18

a 13 yr old getting drunk is bad. and he outfit that she picked out doesnt match.

Answer 19

Talk to her privately, and don't talk to her like she's a baby. Returning the dress and shoes wasn't that bad, but getting drunk is just plain horrible. You should ground her for a month about her getting drunk, but just let the dress and the shoes slide. She didn't tell you she didn't like the outfit you got her because she was afraid that she would hurt your feelings and go all "motherly" on her.

Good luck and best regards.