Daughter fighting?

Question

Two of my five daughters settle everything with fighting. Hannah is 13 and Lindsay is 10.

This morning, Lindsay woke up around 8. She sat at the end of the table where Hannah normally sits because I put her cereal there. When Hannah came down at 8:30, she was furious. She started yelling like crazy. Lindsay's natural response is to yell back. They haven't been talking to each other the entire day and started arguing over the remote a few hours ago. They aren't like this with any other of their siblings nor friends. Just each other.

Do you see the problem? How am I supposed to fix this?

Amanda

Answer 1

I would make them sit on the couch and hold hands until they could get along cruel right but they will definitly not want to do that sooooo they will get along just to avoid things like that a  forced hug between them wouldnt hurt either hahahaha

Answer 2

my two girls are excatly the same and they are slightly younger than yours.I think the key is to step back and (as long as they dont physically hurt each other) and let them sort out and resolve their own differences.They are at an age where conflicts are going to happen.Unfortunately it is something they will have to learn to deal with as they grow up.

Answer 3

My daughters are 9 & 11.  they used to fight the same way.  we made a rule for the house, it applied to everyone who came in the front door.  "If you couldn't say something nice, you can't say anything at all!"  that was the rule. We pasted that saying on ev ery door of the house, by the phone and even wrote it on the bathroom mirror in lipstick! After about a week of them not speaking, and me constantly reminding them they couldn't, (Even to just borrow a shirt or CD)  they missed each other.  this worked really well.  Once once in a while do I have to remind them of the rule.  They usually smile at me and hug each other when i do remind them.  This helped my husband and I learn not to snap at each other after a hard day too!  it helped us all!

Answer 4

Honestly, having one child I can not speak from a parent point of view, but from a younger sister point of view - why did you put Lindsay's cereal in  Hannah's place? that was bound to cause a fight.

I think Hannah would immediately think that you did it because you didn't respect her space and that Lindsay sat there knowing it would annoy her instead of moving to her usual seat and eating it because she could hide behind "mom did it".

The way you worded it too - one was yelling like crazy, the other had a natural response.  Make sure you are not giving signals that you think one is better then the other.

As for general fighting, sisters do that. That's a sister thing.

Answer 5

they're sisters, it's normal. it should be resolved sooner than later though. you want them to be there for each other, trust each other, watch out for each other etc, not fight and despise each other.

they'll grow out of it naturally most likely. but you can start to nip in the bud by telling them imediatly to knock it off, not let it go on for hours or days before interviening. just keep at it, doesn't matter if you repeat yourself 100 times, just keep saying stop it, you're sisters, you're all you really have... theyll grasp it eventually.

Answer 6

What others say is the real test for parents is to handle more than one child. For those of us who grew up with siblings, we all know the ruckus that siblings can create. Whether it’s about cootie problems or jealousy over who got which during Christmas, there’s bound to be some friction between them.

It’s all about fostering within children interpersonal skills and developing a real bond between the siblings. Among themselves, they should know how to share and cooperate. Love comes naturally between siblings and it’s all in a matter of time when, in such an environment, siblings will get along.

Some “crimes” that parents can commit when dealing with bickering siblings are:

Taking sides - Favoring one child over the other hacks away at a child’s self-esteem. Not to mention feel less loved.

Dismissing negative feeling - If one sibling is angry towards the other, don’t dismiss this. Let them tell why for the other to understand.

Solving the problem themselves - Arguments between siblings can be resolved among themselves. It’s just a matter of showing them how. Moderate but don’t be the judge, jury and executioner.

Punishing - Punish one, punish all. But what good would that do? In the end children will end up blaming each other for the punishment.

Does this mean, we should teach children to negotiate? By all means! Just do so when things have calmed down between themselves. Trust in them that they will work things out.

So when they start bickering, be calm and firm. Moderate but don’t punish. And never turn a deaf ear.