Daughter is "friends" with bully

Question

I was a little surprised today, I got a voicemail from my daughter's teacher today. She just started 6th grade about 2 weeks ago. The voicmail was a teacher was concerned for my daughter because she was hanging around with a bully and seemed friends. The teacher was not suggesting she thought my daughter was bullying other kids but was afraid for my daughters fragile self esteem (she was crying on the first day when she got frustrated with a group activity). The teacher said she watched this girl and she is overly agressive, hostile, physical and just plain mean, the teacher doesn't want my daughter to get hurt. Should I encourage this relationship my daughter was outraged when I told her what her teacher had said about her friend (leaving out the low self esteem of course). Should I stop this friendship my daughter said the girl has been nice to her so far..

Please Help

Answer 1

I'm not a parent but I think back to when I was just starting highschool... I was hanging out with the wrong crowd, and yea they were nice to me, but they were into drugs and stuff, and ended up getting me in trouble as well. When my mom told me I couldn't hang out with them anymore, I was outraged as well, very rebellious. I hung out with them anyways until the friendship fazed out after a year or two.

So with that experience in mind, you can try to stop the friendship, but in the end they're still going to talk no matter what you say. It's human nature to want what you can't have. So your daughter will see that she wants to be friend with this other girl, but the obstacle is either you or the teacher, She'll probably be very rebellious and angry at you for a while as well because she won't see that it's for her own good.

Answer 2

the only thing that comes to mind is maybe get together with teachers and have camara's set up secretly in class (without any of the students or your daughter knowing) so u can see first hand what this bully is like then after that maybe talk with the parents

dont be afraid to take controll she's still a child

Answer 3

while ur daughter is in this kind of environment, she will be exactly like one of the them. bullying is really serious and get ur daughter expelled from school which will effect her Carrier in the future,

so what i am suggesting is to put a stop to this relation ship as soon as possible.

Answer 4

I know you want whats best for your daughter but if you tell her that she can't be friends with this girl you are just going to make her want to be friends with her even more.  The best thing to do is to tell your child how you feel and tell her the choice is hers and that you hope she makes the right decision. I have done this many times with my kids and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but you can just love, encourage, guide and support in their decisions right or wrong (cuz you won't always agree) the important thing is that they learn to make decisions for themselves so they don't depend on others to make decisions for themselves and not become followers. I think eventually your daughter will make the decision to stay away from this girl.

Answer 5

i think your daughter is under peer pressure

talk with her to make her feel better

it might help

Answer 6

I think you should warn your daughter that if this child is being mean to her, that she should tell the teacher or you. Warn her that the child is mean to other children and that she could be mean to her as well.

Answer 7

I would definitely encourage her to make other friend without mentioning that you don't like or want your daughter hanging out with this girl.  I would also read some parenting books on building your daughter's self-esteem.  The library is a good place to start.  

Ask your daughter about other girls in her class and if she would like to ask them over.  Get to know the girls' moms, including the bully's mom, but do not be overly accomodating to their friendship, without making it obvious.  If your daughter wants to go to Bully Girl's house, say you were thinking of going shopping with her (or another activity she likes).   Plead your time that the relationship fizzles.  

Get your daughter active in other activities in the community - dance, art classes, sports, anything she likes.

Answer 8

Your daughter is old enough to realize that this person is a bully.  If she's a good kid, she'll eventually distance herself from the girl.  If you try and force it, she'll probably just rebel.

Keep your eyes open for self esteem issues that get worse and get regular updates from school about her behavior, and everything should be fine.

My daughter is good friends with a couple girls that are aggressive and I really have to keep an eye on her.  She's a follower and usually will do whatever those girls are doing so that she still fits in.  She has however walked away from them in some situations when she thinks they are out of hand.  I can only hope that she continues to do that!!

Answer 9

nononononooo! I know that is your daughter and you dont want her to get hurt.... but you have to let her learn for herself so she wont make the same mistakes with who she chooses as friends. If you sit there and tell her not to talk to one of her "friends" she will get mad and rebell. It wouldnt hurt to talk to her though tell her to be careful but dont tell her to stop being friends with the girl. I would do the same with my daughter. I hope everything works out! Good luck!

Answer 10

Do not stop the friendship unless if your daughter really isn't liking the way this bully treats her. My mom don't like my friend but shes my best friend, she never tried to stop this friendship and I am SO HAdidn'the didnt try! Just talk to your daughter and ask her if she enjoys hanging out with this girl. You will be glad tdidn'tou didnt break them up in them end, trust me!

Answer 11

Ok truthfully you cant stop the friendship. You can tell her she cant hang out with this person outside of school, but when they are at school there is nothing you can do!

If this other child is not hurting her or asking her to bully other children then i dont see the harm in letting them be friends. If the other child starts trying to push her around or you see the other child rubbing off on yours then i would intervein!