Daughter just wont listen?

Question

Today we went to the lake, for a family fun day. Everyone was swimming and having a good time. The one thing we told the kids is to not get out of our sight. Well, my eight year old daughter did just that. We had no idea where she was for ten minutes. We knew she was not in the water, because we could see the whole swimming hole. When we found her it turned out that she had gone off with her freind. Oh I was furious!!! We do not live far from the lake, so my husband took her back home. She got her little hiney tore up for this and then she had to come back to the lake and watch everyone else swim and have a good time. Do you think we over reacted? I worry a lot, but we specifically told her not to do this. She is really mad at us now. How would you have handled it?

Answer 1

I think it was a slight overreaction. Also, if you were keeping an eye out for your child you would have known where she was and that she was with a friend. Kids wander off with friends all the time. The best method on this is to talk to them and state your reasons for it. Kids like to explore especially when by a lake or in the outdoors it's so easy for them to get lost. At least she was with a friend and didn't wander off alone. I think you may have needed more specific ground rules as well she could have thought that you only meant do not go into the water without mom or dad knowing. Also, I don't agree with saying she got her butt tore up, just say she got a spanking because of it. She's already punished you should have let her have fun double punishments don't work and end up doing more harm then good. Hence, the reason why she is upset with you guys.

I mean it reminds me of the episode of Ocean Force where a 6 year old got lost riding his bike and he was right near his mom. So, apparently they lived close to the beach and he rode the bike home because he got scared. So, even of the best intentions on keeping an eye on your child can go horribly wrong. So, yeah you did overreact a little. I mean if you constantly had to tell her not to wander off and she kept on doing it then you have a definite grounds to spank her butt.

Answer 2

I would have pulled her pants down in front of everybody and spanked her all over.  What was she doing with her friend?  I would've assumed smoking drugs.  My kids make me so paranoid!!!!

Answer 3

Personally, I think 8 years old is too old for spanking.  But that's just me.

I think yours was a reasonable request, to not stray out of sight, but I think I would have handled it differently.  Depending on the situation and how often you get to the lake, either I would have taken her home and grounded her for the rest of the day, or I would have made her sit out for the rest of the afternoon, or the next time the family went to the lake, she would have to stay behind with a babysitter and miss the fun.

Her being mad is completely irrelevent.

Answer 4

you did the right thing... one she got in trouble for doing something wrong and two you spanked her BUT NOT in front of anyone else..don't give them reasons to call you a bad parent..

Answer 5

You shouldn't have hit her, that's for sure.  She was just trying to be independent.  It's been shown that spanking older children is ineffective in most anything besides making the resentful and leading to furthor corporal punishment.

Answer 6

Sounds like you did the right thing. Congratulations. Just wait til she's a teenager. Then she'll REALLY hate you. :)

Answer 7

kudos to you, i would have whipped that butt too.  she understood EXACTLY what you meant.  you told her to do something, she disobeyed, and she got punished.

please do not second guess your actions. who cares if she's mad.  she wasnt mad at you when she was disobeying you.  i think you and your husband did the right thing

remember, YOU are the parent.

Answer 8

No over-reaction.  She got what she deserved.  The fact that she  has not needed a spanking in over a year is proof that you are doing a good job with her.  She disobeyed; you punished her.

8 is well within the range of spanking years.  She will probably still need the rare spanking for many more years; possibly with years in between as she gets older.

Answer 9

The spanking was unecessary because you already punished her by excluding her from the activites. There's no need to give a child more punishments for one offense, that's abusing your authority.

I think having her sit out was enough.

Answer 10

Good job!  Kids need to follow rules.  Better to have her mad for a day than dead or kidnapped.  You are the parent and you di your job properly. You set a rule she disobey'd and you followed through with a consequence.  I am not normally a spanker, but this is one case where I would have spanked also and for sure my kids would be sitting watching everyone have fun.  I would do the same as you.  Don't let her anger make you second guess what you are doing.  She chose to break the rules so SHE chose to get a consequence.

Answer 11

Let her be mad!! You did absolutely right.She could have been harmed so badly in such a short time.Tell her she needs to think about the scores of kids taken every year.GOD-bless

Answer 12

I can't say if I would have spanked or not because I just have a baby, but my view on discipline is that they LEARN from it.  Did she learn anything from it?  Did she learn WHY she isn't supposed to wonder out of you all's sight?  I think I would have sat my son down and explained to him the dangers and then made him sit out from the fun for a while. I think I would have given him a huge hug and told him that I love him and I don't discipline to mean, but because I do love him and want him to learn from the situations.  I may have had to chill for a second before doing what I said above because no matter what I don't want to act out of anger (i'm not saying ya'll did)

Answer 13

"She got her little hiney tore up for this" i dont at all agree with that, maybe a little smack or something, no need for that. But everyone is different, some people smack others dont, i think taking her home away from her friends and missing out on having fun wouldve been a punishment.

Answer 14

Yes, you BOTH were over reacting with that! It's not like hse went off with a whole group of boy's like I do everyday, and I've got a cell phone, so my mom and dad can call me if they want to know were I am.

Answer 15

Good job.  My policy was that if it could kill you - I could hit you.  And this definitely applies.  She could have gone under in the water, been kidnapped, etc. (not to mention that she disobeyed your orders), so I think you took the right course of action.

If she is mad at you for a while, tell her "tough tootsies and get on with it".

Answer 16

I think you both overreacted. Yes, she disobeyed you by going off with her friend, but do you really think a spanking was appropriate??? First of all, I don't think children should be spanked when they are over the age of four - and they should only be spanked if it is completely necessary. My husband and I would have spoken to our daughter to see why she went off, if she gave us attitude then we would make her sit out for a little bit. Was this her first time doing that?? I would be upset too if we could not find our daughter, and I would probably yell at her, but spank? No.

You do need to talk to her and explain to her why you were so mad. Let her know that she could have been seriously hurt and that you and her daddy love and worry about her. Kids respond better when they are treated better. Good luck!

Answer 17

Definitely spank her!!

I just read MamaBears comment saying she thinks 8 y.o is too old for a spanking. Are you kidding??!! Thats only when they START to become effective!

Answer 18

Your daughter just learned that for every action there is a consequence.  Be it good or bad.  You did the right thing.  Spanking a child every blue moon is not bad.  Everytime she wants to wonder off  she´ll remember what can happen and she will think twice about it.

Answer 19

maybe she is just spreading her wings and trying to be more like a adult and it was sort of cruel to hit her you could have a long talk on why she did it and not leave her out being isolated

Answer 20

well she is young so is going to not listen but if she is mad at you just let her be she willl get over it dont give in be strong

Answer 21

I probably would have made some of the same parenting choices you did.  You know your child and it sounds like she needed consequences for her behaviour.

Only I also would have had a conversation with the parent of the child she ran off with as well.  This parent needs to hold their kid accountable for their behavior or this kid should not be your kid's friend.  You do not need a repeat of this behavior, it is just not safe.

Their are people who want to grab up kids who run off and hurt them.  She needs to understand this.

Answer 22

i dint think you overreaccted at all she needs to know your the mum shes the kid. she cant do what she done she will need alot of disapline for her to gather she cant do it. she could of drowned i think she needs disapline.fast  or she will keep doing it :)

Answer 23

good job mom you did nothing wrong with the  way people are now days you are right for keeping her in sight. also explain to her that you are only trying to protect her from all the perverts out there. have her watch your local news and show her the dangers out there everyday.

Answer 24

I think you did the right thing.  Keep it up and she'll learn that there are consequenses for her actions and she is responsible for them.  Just stay consistant. If you say there will be a consequence make sure you follow through or she'll learn that she can get over on you.

Answer 25

I think taking her home or making her sit and watch the others swim would have been sufficient. I would have skipped the spanking. There was really no need for it.

Answer 26

YOU DID "GOOD" OK?  I too believe in spanking, but it depends on the individual.  My brother was one that you could beat his butt until it bled, and he would ignore it and do what he wanted.  Threaten me with a spanking, and I'd change my behavior immediately.  My parents learned to apply appropriate discipline.  I can count the number of "spankings" I received on one hand, and they were nowhere near "abuse."  My child was only 6-7 when she'd hide from us at the store in clothes racks, and get a spanking, and she'd never do it again.  Today she's 14, and spanking would not do anything but make her angry and determined to rebel more.  (Taking away the cell phone or PC works WONDERS) My grandmother once told me that spankings work if done properly, i.e., if it's an immediate reaction that's needed, then do it if it works for the child.  I don't get a vibe that you or your husband get off on slapping a child's butt, so get over worrying about liberal BS'ers that don't want you to discipline your child.  My wife once caught our child when she was a baby about to insert keys into an electrical outlet; she walked up behind the child, slapped her hands really loud (scaring the living daylights out the child) and then she never tried that dangerous move again!  Was that abusive?  NO.  You did well, and remember that in my opinion, IF it's appropriate for the child and the situation, do what you know works.

Answer 27

Hi. I'm a daughter and I'm fairly young, patients is they key. If my parents had patients and gave me time to forgive them. I would listen to almost everything they say. you over reacted a little. I know you're daughter will get over it soon. if this doesn't work then you should ask her what she thinks. I also don't like when my parents don't tell me something that they want to tell me. talking over it with you're daughter will work and if you let her know you really love her will make her feel better.

Answer 28

You are being a good parent and you stood your ground with her.  She's eight and right now she is mad at you.  It won't be the last time she gets mad at you.  Just remember during times like this "God put you and her together, for you to be her mother and it's your job to anything you have to , to keep her safe."  I've got seven little blessings and the oldest is 35. Hang in there - the teen years age coming and if you teach her now that you mean what you say - it'll be easier then

Answer 29

Bottom line, You're the parent .. She's the child.

You did the right thing, You have to enforce your authority or one day she will run all over you.

She has to understand that there are dangers out there that she may not be aware of and if she goes running off without anyone knowing where she is something bad could happen.

Maybe if you explain that to her she won't feel so bad.

She's a kid, She'll forget about it by tomorrow anyway.

You're doing the right thing.

Answer 30

I know how you feel I myself have a 8 year old son and he does stuff like that too. I remind him that their are alot of sick people out there and he can't just go where ever he wants. Kids get mad we as parents can't be their friends we half to show them what is right and sometimes it sucks. But I totally think you were in the right so don't sweat it. Just think they will grow out of it and thank us one day.

Answer 31

You absolutely did the right thing and in no way did you overreact.  You told her not to get out of sight and she deliberately disobeyed.  Disobedience deserves a spanking every time in my book.  It is not like your request was arbitrary or unreasonable.  There is a good reason for her to tell you if she was going off with her friend.  You don't know if she has been abducted or drowned.  Also it is not as if you overreact and spank her for every little thing if it has been a year since she got spanked.  The fact that she got a spanking for this lets her know it was really important.  And she will learn from it.  (Don’t let people tell you kids don't learn from spanking.  See the article posted below.)  

No one wants their kids to be mad but as a parent it is going to happen sometimes.  You have to do what you think is right and let her be mad for a while.  If you stop parenting because she might get mad then she has all the power.  I don’t think an 8 year old is old enough to be in charge.

Keep the good work!!