Daughter with severe separation anxiety??

Question

shes 11 months old and dealing with a pretty bad bout of separation anxiety. i am with her, alone just me and her, from the time she wakes up til i go to work at 430 5 or 6 nights a week, with my sister, or husband depending on who is available though 99% of the time is daddy. However, over the last 3 weeks or so she will scream when I leave, or when daddy gets home from work (i think because she knows seeing him means im leaving) he is starting to feel like she views him as a babysitter and not a father. he feels like she just doenst like him. i believe its just a natural bout of SA, that we will get over in time. how do I make this easier though? sometimes he can soothe her, but other times he said she will scream for hours at a time (i usually arrive home around 1030 or 11, at which point she is always sleeping). I was thinking that maybe helping her to be attached to a blanket or bear might detach her from me a bit, but she hasnt formed this attachment to an item. any suggestion?

Answer 1

Most kids go through this type of thing between 9 and 12 months.  I had a similar experience when my husband was ill and hospitalized for several months.  My mother would come in each night to babysit while I went to the hospital.  As soon as my son saw his Grammie, he would scream and cry; and my mother became very sad because she felt as if he associated her with a negative experience.

It might help to gradually show her that you will always come back.  Leave the room for several minutes when her Daddy is at home, then return and show her affection.  Say, "See? Mommy always comes back!"  Try to do this several times a day, even if you two are alone together.  If she fusses, you can simply call to her and say, "Mommy will be right there," then repeat the "I'm never leaving" with the hugs routine.

Next, you can leave the house for a short period of time when your sister is there and when Daddy's there (maybe you could do this during weekends).  When you come back, reassure her and spend some extra time with her.  Regularly tell her, even when you aren't leaving to go anywhere, "Mommy has to go to work or to the store sometimes.  I miss you when I'm gone too but remember, Mommy will always come home to you, ok?"

Your husband could also speak to her with reassurance, both together with you and separately.  It's a real toughie to see your child upset.  I remember when my boys went through that.  I have images of them standing at the front door, crying buckets as I drove away to go to work.  Eventually, they get over it.

Your little one will be just fine as long as you keep reassuring her that you will be back and soon, she'll know when Mommy goes to work, in no time, you'll be back to her.

Answer 2

It is really difficult to listen to your child cry for you but honestly if you don't stop this now, you'll be dealing with it for years to come and it only gets worse. You need to send her to a daycare or something and she needs to be spending time with more people than the rotation of three or she will be unsocial i think that the child is just suffering from seperation anxiety because she is so attached to what is always there, you. So when you leave arrange for her to go on a playdate or something so that she will learn to associate fun with seperation srry if this doesn't help i'm not an expert :)

Answer 3

this a very normal stage that your child is going through. Consider it a compliment that your daughter has such a stong & healthy bond with you that she misses her mom and knows when she will be away. Along with leaving for shorts amount of time, and returning, I would give her some comfort objects for when you are gone (a article of clothing that has your scent, a large picture, voice recordings, video's of you or your voice on a tape - anything to help soothe any anxiety for the times that you cannot be there for her (and allow the father to be the cushion rather than feel like "second best." He also needs to find a way to distract his daughter with daddy and daughter fun time that is special to only the two of them. (Go for walks, park, special playtime, ect)  It is only a stage and she will get past this sooner that you think! good luck and congrats on your new family member!

One thing that I would like to add/ reply additional on is - Is your husband trying to do the same things/routine that you do? My husband fell into this catagory when our son went through this stage around 10 months.  If so, your little one is probably not wanting anyone else to do what she is liking you to do. Each family member/ caregiver needs to come up with a similar ,but unique, routine and playtime otherwise they would just feel like a babysitter and not get in their own "special" time unique to them. I saved music time and tickle time for my hubby and then our son got to look forward to being in his company.( I think my husband was thinking he had to be me and do what I did and the way I did it- NOT SO! ) They both became closer when he figured out to be himself and only himself. This is where babies benefit from multiple parenting styles. It would have been very boring to all involved if everyone did only what I did...Hope this helps

Answer 4

Does she cling to you during the day when your home with her? My boyfriends daughter from the second he gets home from work until she goes to bed has to be within 5 feet of him or touching him it drives me nuts!! And if for some reason he's not home at night she has a hard time with it. I'm guessing she spends time with her daddy when your not at work too. What if you gave her a kiss and hugs a little bit earlier and he takes her in the other room and starts playing with her to keep her occupied while you actually walk out the door. Let me know if you find something that works because not being able to get within 5 feet of m bf while she's awake it getting annoying!

Answer 5

work with her start by leaving for a few minutes and come back then increase the time you are gone. soon she will realize that you will come back and it wont be so stressfull