Daughters bday sunday...huge fight between me/hubby and in-laws!!!How should we handle it?

Question

Our daughters 1st bday is this sunday and there will be 35 adults and 10 kids (ages 7 years-6months). His family are big on having bbq's/parties and they always have at least some beer there. I find it HIGHLY innapropriate to have any type of alcoholic beverage at a childs b-day party, no matter how many adults...but they dont agree. Hubby is somewhere in the middle, he agrees with me because its our daughter, but can also understand the idea of limiting it to just 1 30pack of beer, then when it runs out; no more. I could be flexible to that idea, if I thought that no one who was there would go run and get more. However, that is likely something either one of hubbies friends would do/or his family member. The party is sunday and some of his families very good friends, whome we are also close with have mentioned they might not come, just becasue there will be no beer. The party is from 1:30 to around 4...so I think that is rediculous..(typing still, i moment please!!!)

Answer 1

I don't think alcohol should be served at a party that is for a child. It is for the child, not the adults.  If the family loves your child then they can not drink for those 21/2 hours for heavens sake. It is your home- and you are in charge.  I agree with you that it would be very hard to keep someone from going and buying more beer.  Have the party without alcohol- you are celebrating the life of your baby- not the inlaws desire to drink.

Answer 2

I am completely not tolerant of liquor of any kind being served at a party where the guest of honor is a child.  I say NO BEER at all. Make plenty of punch, have lots of pop.  But anybody who does a beer run is ejected from the party.  Stand your ground.  This is a child's birthday party. I like beer too, but it is just so not there. If they have such an attachment to alcohol, I don't want them there and I don't care how pithed they are about it.

Answer 3

ITS A CHILD'S PARTY!!!!!! I wouldn't want people who can't control themselves or their need for an alcoholic beverage for 3 hours at my child's party anyway! Don't sweat it! A child's 1st b-day party should never go longer than 2-3 hours, between his/her nap time. If folks can't go 2 or 3 hours w/out a beer then they aren't welcome!!!!!

And I say this and some of my friends are some serious drunks (we're yeager and beer people) and even they don't think its appropriate. Now after all the children's activities are over and the majority of the children have left, and all is left is a close nit of us drinkers, if they want to crack open a beer then its fine.

Answer 4

I find it very sad when adults need to drink alcohol at a child's birthday. And I am a beer drinker myself, at the right time and place. I have a beer almost nightly, that is at my own home, not at my child or any other child's birthday party mind you regardless of what time of day it is being held. I am with you on this, and if my family did not want to come based on alcohol, I would say great they are not the type I would want there anyway. my step sisters in laws are this way as well and honestly I don't go to her kids parties if they are a family thing vs a kid party due to the fact that they will all be there getting smashed and starting a fight with someone. it is not an environment that is healthy for my kids.

Answer 5

If you are hosting a party of any kind then it is ablsolutely appropriate that you request no alcohol, even if it were to be an adult-only party.  If they don't like it, they don't have to attend.

Answer 6

Its your kid, its her party. If you don't want alcohol there, then that's how it is. If they are so desperate they cannot attend 1 BBQ without a beer in hand, then they really don't need to attend. Its supposed to be about your child, not about to beer or not to beer. If its this big a deal, don't do a BBQ again and make sure YOU and your husband have complete control over the event. I don't think its right of them to try and force alcohol into the picture if you are against it.

Answer 7

Maybe you are being a tad strict,  but their reactions are seem totally whacked to me.

It sounds like alcohol is a very big part of their social scene---which is very different from what I am used to.

Honestly, tthis really sounds like a family get together than a child's birthday party. She is just turning 1 so it isn't like you are inviting a kindergarten class over for a "kid's party." When  I think of a "kid's party" I think of a party for a birthday child where they have their friends and young relatives and the whole thing is geared toward the kids---the games, food, etc.

This is overwhelmingly adult and more of a family party.

Are all of the kid birthday parties like this for his family???even for a seven year old?

Anyone who won't come to a party because they can't drink alcohol seems rude and nasty to me. You can't drink so you won't go? Maybe you are better off without them there and maybe this will be a good thing in the long run.

Really it boggles my mind "I won't go to the party unless I can drink beer?" What kind of person threatens to skip a kid's first birthday because they can't have free booze? What are their priorities???You weren't planning on force-feeding them prune juice were you?

I would forget the beer entirely and ask hubby if he thinks it is a good idea to be so worried about a group of people who value a can of beer more than celebrating your child's first birthday---because that is what you're talking about.

Answer 8

I agree with you, but you should tell them they can only drink after the kids have gone to bed or after the party.

Answer 9

I agree with you, its your kid and if your friends do not want to attend a kids birthday party where there is no alcohol then let them stay at home. I don't see why they can't just respect your request and leave the booze at home... honestly 2.5 hours without beer??? Is it that hard??

Answer 10

Fill the cooler up with 'Sharps' or some other non-alcoholic beer ;-)

Answer 11

alcohol should not be consumed in the presence of kids. however since america is such a democratic country maybe any thing goes.

Answer 12

I personally think that if she was older, say having a third or fourth birthday party, where her friends were invited and not just family members, then I would find it inappropriate. However, it sounds as though it is a close family type BBQ/party and that puts a different spin on it for me. Your daughter is only a year old and as long as people are not getting falling down drunk, I don't see a problem with it. That said, this is YOUR daughter and I assume your house, so if YOU are not happy with it, you need to put your foot down.

Answer 13

I'm sorry, who's the birthday party for? Your daughter or your hubby?

There should be no alcohol at a child's birthday party. Period. If your friends don't want to come over because there's no booze, fine. Don't come! Some friends.

Answer 14

my mom and her boyfriend are both heavy drinkers. I told them that I didn't want any beer at my sons 1st birthday party... they showed up plastered... and other people brought beer. I say that no matter how hard you try, someone just might end up drunk or with alcohol. You can express your wishes, but I don't think you can control everyone, and I don't think it should turn into a family feud, either. I understand your reasons for not wanting alcohol there, I felt the same way, but people did it anyway. I honestly think that you can't fully control it.... maybe you can tell them that you don't want beer at the party, but the party ends at 4, and they're welcome to sty for dinner and have a few drinks (if this is a possible idea) as long as they can refrain during the party. It's only a few hours long, hopefully they respect your wishes. Good luck.

Answer 15

I can see your point, but I think you might be being a little too harsh.  Most people enjoy a drink or two at a party and that wouldn't cause them to behave inappropriately.  I don't see anything wrong with having some beer and wine, so long as everyone understands that it is a children's party and that you expect them to not drink excessively around the children.  Give it a try once, and anyone who misbehaves should be excluded from your guest list next time.

Answer 16

My parents never had any type of alcoholic drinks at any of our bdays, even when we were older.  The only time beer or anything was at a party of ours is our grad parties.  Im sure they can go a few hours without a beer.  I mean its a 2.5hr party, it wont kill anyone.  Your inlaws need to grow up.  If they want to miss their grandchilds first bday because they cant drink beer, then let them.  In the end, they will be the ones who feel bad.

Answer 17

Just my personal opinion ------ There will be absolutely NO alcohol at my son's birthday parties.  And if my relatives were to say they might not come because of no beer, I'd tell them to keep their happy butts at home then.

Answer 18

Can you change it to brunch?  Maybe if the party is earlier in the day they won't feel the need to drink?  Or provide non-alcoholic beer type drinks, like the other poster said.

By the way, I think it is perfectly reasonable that you are asking them to not drink.  Its YOUR house.  If they don't like it, they can stay home.

Answer 19

I agree with you. I don't think alcohol has any business being at a children's birthday party! I'd stick to my guns on this one! If people don't want to come because there's no alcohol, they are being petty and immature. It's your daughter's birthday, they should want to be there for her special day...period!