Deadbeat dad's parents

Question

This is a somewhat involved situation. I am a bit over 35 weeks pregnant with my first child. The deadbeat bailed out when I was 14 weeks along, telling me that he had no feelings for the child and did not want anything to do with it. He moved in back in with his parents, who live 4 states away. He lied to his parents, telling them that I kicked him out of the house and forbade him to have anything to do with the child. So, his parents want pictures/updates, etc., but they won't ask me for them (because obviously I'm an evil ***** and their son is blameless). Should I contact them and tell them the truth, or is it a waste of my time? Deadbeat has not helped me at all during the pregnant, and neither has his family. I would like my child to have grandparents.

Answer 1

Well give it a shot... let his parents know the truth, if they turn you down or dont believe you, dont let it bother you.... keep on doing what you gotta do for yourself and your baby. Its their loss not yours, your child will still have grandparents and sounds he/she will be happy no matter what.

Answer 2

OMG, seriously, does your ex's name start with a J?  Because your situations sound almost like a mirror to mine.  

I had an email address for my ex's sister.  I emailed her, explained the situation and also gave her my phone number and told her to tell her parents that if they would like updates or visits with their grandson, all they had to do was pick up the phone.  His sister has been cordial and has seen pics of Johnny (she lives a few states away from me)... Until my last court battle with her brother.  Now all of a sudden, she doesn't really contact me.  I've never heard a word from his parents.

I think you would be making yourself out to be the bigger person if you at least contacted them and tried to explain the situation and your feelings.  If they don't believe you, that's their loss, but you always know that you at least tried.

Answer 3

I would write a letter to the parents explaining my side of the situation. I would start out saying there are two sides to every story and  here is mine. Then explain to them what happened. Also include that even though the " deadbeat" doesn't want anything to do with the child you would like them to be included in the child's life if they want to.That it is important that your child know its grandparents. Wording it in that manner would really help a lot because then you are taking the threat they feel of not seeing their soon to be grand child away so maybe they will be more inclined to listen..

Oh one more thing don't return address the envelope put your address inside so that deadbeat doesn't open it and throw it away.

Answer 4

In my opinion, you don't owe anything to deadbeat's parents.  And, I wouldn't waste my time calling them and trying to explain the situation...they already have their minds made up about what side of the story they buy.  If they want updates/ pictures too bad.

I can understand you wanting your child to have grandparents, but what about your parents?  Are they in the picture? And frankly, what is the sense in introducing them into your future child's life if their son doesn't want anything to do with the child?

Answer 5

"Deadbeat has not helped me at all during the pregnant, and neither has his family. I would like my child to have grandparents."

I gets better.  Wait until your child finds out about what its like to have a father through contact with other kids.  I feel very sorry for such children.

Answer 6

I would, contact them, tell them what happened and let them know you want them to be involved in your child's life. They are already upset with you so it won't make matters worse.  

Answer 7

The first thing that you need to be doing is keeping the receipts for all maternity costs (vitamins, clothes, dr appt's) and for anything that you buy for the baby (diapers, clothes, furniture).  Then what I would do is call his parents, when you know that he is not around and have a conversation with them.  Do not call and place blame on their kid, they will immediately stop listening.  Instead, call and say "I wanted the chance to talk to you all and enlighten you on the condition of your grand son/daugther and I wanted to be sure that you all are included in his/her life because I dont want to deprive either of you from being able to know each other."  Tell them "I am sure that you know that me and (his name) have not been able to get along during this situation and I am sure that you all have your own thoughts and beliefs as to what happened.  However, I would appreciate if we could leave our problems between us so that our kid is able to have a healthy relationship with  you all."   Let the grandparents know that no matter what happens between you and the father you want them to know their grandchild and you want them to be in each other's lives.  I would be sure to mention that you know that their son is scared and probably a little anxious about the situation and you know that this is alot for him to handle, however, the situation that he described to them was not exactly what happened and you would like the chance to make mends and posibly have a cosher relationship with their son.  Inform them that you all were not seeing eye to eye, and that is the reason for him leaving the house.  Be sure that you put in a word or two that you did not kick him out, but dont go into all the details of what happened.  Just let it be known that you want their family as involved as they want to be.

Keep your receipts for when you go to court for child support.  He will be entitled to reinburse you for half of everything that you have spent.

Answer 8

i would talk to them they might be willing to help you out, even if he's not

Answer 9

Talk to them and tell them your side of the story, it's up to them, if they will actually listen or not but at least you will have had told your side, if they don't come around after that then just ignore them and go on with your life and raise your baby and don't give them a second thought.

Answer 10

I would contact them and tell them the truth....its good that they want 2 know their grandchild even if he doesnt. also maybe it will help things fall back in his face.

also as for not having any feelings for a child well you were 14 weeks along most guys have trouble comprehending that theyre going to be a father at that stage evn my boyfriend he didnt feel excited about our baby til I was in labor! before that the whole pregnancy he acted like he didnt care but he did at least stick by me.

your ex is def in denial but I would still tell his parents the truth after all you shouldnt lie for him.  

Answer 11

If they want pictures, yet they or the father don't have anything to do with you, what's your question?

There are plenty of kids who only have one set of grandparents, and they grow up perfectly happy.  If they think you are evil, why expose your child to such negative feelings?

Answer 12

sweetie.....Don't waste your time on him or his family.

It's not worth it all the stress and you being pregnant makes you more emotional. You can do it on your own, you won't be the first ans you wont be the last. I left the looser I  got pregnant from when my son was 2 weeks old my son will be 5 next week and we haven't heard from him since i left him. thank god. Move on and focus on your child. Don't worry about your child having grandparents.Sometimes it's better not to have them at all if your going to have to go through all the drama.