Dealing with flattery?

Question

How do u exactly get to know whether someone is flattering u or really means it? I don't. But my siblings and I decided not to pay attention to anyone who praises us, unless he/she happens to be:

1) a parent

2) a brother or sister

3) a teacher

4) a best friend (if u trust him/her)

Actually, these are the people whose praise we can't do without.

That's our strategy. So if somebody else praises me, I just let it pass over my head, without a second thought. Now I'm so used to it that sometimes, a person says something nice to me, and I don't remember after a few minutes that I was praised. On the other hand, it dissappoints me if I don't get praised by the above mentioned people for something I believe that I deserve praise for.

But I noticed that it does please me when my answer is chosen as the best on Y/A sometimes, and I feel like reading the asker's comments.

What's ur straregy for dealing with flattery?

Answer 1

i see praise and flattery as two differnet subjucts. when a male other than my husband tells me im cute, s**y blah blah blah i actually feel bad. and that is because i am a Muslim and i wear my higab just to avoid the eye candy talk. but sometimes it just doesnt work that way. now when someone tells me oh that was nice speech or your driving is much better...than i take this as a compliment and it makes me feel better...it's okay to compliment, it's not okay to flirt. well not n my situation. Muslims would understand the "situation" but i am not sure if non Muslims will understand what im trying to say as far as flirting isn't okay...unless it's ur spose :P

Answer 2

Did you know that you are just so so s**y.

You're sweet, charming, funny.

You are just simply an AMAZING person! Your parents must be proud.

Answer 3

I just accept it with grace. A nod and a smile with a polite "thank you!" can't hurt. I don't let the flattery go to my head. At the same time, if I see a female co-worker who just got her haircut I will say "I like your hair!" if I do like it. Otherwise, smile and nod. If a male flatters me, I till smile and say thank you. I think that as long as you don't let it go to your head as vanity, it's fine to accept a compliment. :-) I hope that answered your question on some level :-) Assalam Alaykum.

Answer 4

oh mary. you are just beautiful !!!!!!! when I first saw you i thought you were an angel dropped down from heaven

i was looking for ur wings.. what a lady !!!

Answer 5

“4) a best friend (if u trust him/her)” If you do not trust him or her than they are no friend at all. I think you have some trust issues, which usually happens for a reason, and you are probably a sensitive person who doesn’t like it to show.

Someone can flatter you and also mean it. It is not one or the other. Dismissing praise from some, while wanting it from others is not good for you. Understand that praise or flattery says far more about the person giving it than it does about you. It is something you cannot control, nor should you. Accept it at face value it is usually sincere and one of life’s little pleasures. If it is from someone you do not know, what does it matter? If it is from someone you know, their actions will tell you if they meant it or not.

Just treat others the way you want to be treated. Be happy with who you are. That only comes from within and that is something you can control. When you are able to do this someone else’s words of praise or flattery will not have much influence over you one way or the other.

TO: EDEENI BOSSA

I am a non-Muslim American woman and you are correct I do not understand “the situation.” I was raised to not be dependant on a man or expect my clothing to protect me from them.

When men act foolishly as you describe it is partially due to immaturity and being a bully and a coward. They get pleasure from you being uncomfortable and feel more powerful because of it.

Criminals target who they attack much the same way a lion selects her prey. They look for the weakest, the most timid, the one’s that are unsure of themselves. The one’s that are easiest to dominate and control. It doesn’t matter to them how attractive or unattractive you are, it is the domination and control they crave. Dressing the way you are accustom and not making eye contact creates the opposite affect than the one you desire.