Dealing with my partner's past.

Question

My wife and I have been together for 3 years, married for 2. When we initially started dating we discussed our past sexual partners. Although I'm no way near sainthood, I was honest, and one of the things that attracted me to her was the fact that she had a low number of past partners. About 6 months after we'd married, I overheard her and one of her friends were talking about some guy she'd slept with about a week before we met. I confronted her about it and she fessed up and it turned out that she'd been with about 4 times as many guys as she had originally told me; not to mention that she'd never been faithful to anyone she's dated. I know (logically) that she is not nor has she ever cheated on me. But in my gut...I have doubts. It's beginning to affect our s*x life and our marriage. I know that it is me that needs to get over it, especially since she's been nothing but wonderful to me....but how?

Answer 1

Everything up to the time you met her is in the past ,,,, Leave it there ,,,, It was the first day of the rest of your life as of when you met her ,,,, You've got a good thing going here so why are you going to let anything that happened in the past ruin it ?,,,, There's nothing you can do about what happened before you met her ,,,,  It's not hard to understand why she might not have been honest with you in the beginning but what possible difference can that make now ?,,,, You are letting something that happened in the past ruin your future together ,,,, She might not have been honest with you at first but she's being honest now ,,,, Doesnt' that count for something ?,,,,

Were you perfect before the two of you met?,,,, Maybe you can tell me how to measure the degree of imperfection ,,,, One sin is as bad as another no matter what the sins are or were ,,,,  What you should focus on now is what the two of you have together now and do it quick before this thing causes irreparable damage to what you have ,,,, Start looking forward instead of backwards ,,,, She's with you now and by your own words you said you know she's never cheated on you ,,,, So what's your problem ,,,,You are on your way to and on the verge of losing something here ,,,,

Give the girl and yourself a break here before you break her heart ,,,, She belongs to you now regardless of what happened before and that's all that matters now ,,,, You keep looking backwards you aren't going to have anything what so ever to look forward to ,,,,Tell your gut to go to h**l ,,,,  You've been with her for three years ,,,, Have you thought of what it would be like with out her now ?,,,, Sounds to me like what happens here is totally up to you ,,,,Quit playing with the girls head and emotions and get it figured out quick ,,,,  Do you love the girl or not ??,,,,  //    

Answer 2

my boyfriend and i have a rule...don't ask, don't tell because we would both go crazy!!! he explained it like this to me...we both know that each of us aren't virgins but what matters is that we are the last of each other's "list"

Answer 3

Good Question!

My guy and I have been together for 8 years. Before we got married, we talked about our past sexual experiences, honestly, I had a high number. At first, i tried to lie and told him a lower number, but the truth eventually came out. I too, was not faithful to anyone but him.

I don't think you will ever "get over it". You will think about it from time to time... but when this happens, ask yourself why she has been with you this long? Why is she so wonderful with you? Why has she not cheated on you?

Could it be because she finally found what she was looking for? Maybe her past has prepared her for you! You satisfy her needs, both sexually and emotionally, that is why she wants to keep you and is wonderful with you. Once you have what makes you happy and fulfilled, there is reason to cheat...

Don't let it affect your marriage and and your s*x life, there is nothing she can do about her past, she cant go back and change the things she did. She can only change what is going on now, and NOW she has chosen you to share her life with. You have to have been better than the rest, if not she wouldn't be with you!

Keep the communication open. Don't hold things inside, cuz next time you guys argue it will come out, tell her how you feel, ask her to tell you if you really make her happy. Both of you make an agreement to talk about any doubts and settle them that same day! Don't go to bed angry, and be honest with yourself and the things she cant change....

She's with you! Make her happy, love her, give her a chance to love you back :)

Answer 4

Getting over it means about the same in this case as trusting her.  Now do you want to trust her?  CAN you trust her?  If you do, just forget the past and move on with her.  If you can't trust her, leave her and move on.  I would give her a chance because things and people change.  But if ever she is caught cheating, be aware that she won't stop at one time.  She'll continue.