Dealing with past people

Question

hey, i have been thinking about my past lately and being a fresh college sophomore, these events arent too far behind. in my grammar school days, i was shy but i didnt want to be a loner so i made a few, but really good friends. instead of manifesting my shyness and the taunting that came with it in being emotionally "dark", i was the opposite. i always tried to look on the bright side of things, and i was usually a very happy person unless i looked at my past or was being confronted in the present. i was always good to people and i got sort of a reputation for it. but this didnt make me alot of friends, and it didnt shield hateful remarks to my generally good willed and unrebelling actions (as was not the style of the day). i also was a goof and a bit hyper so that didnt help things ethier. but i never did anything to anyone. but kids were still mean. and now i cant help but ask why? why are people like that? it lessens my faith in humanity just thinking about all the hate spewed by these ppl, who were children no less. there was this one boy who wasn't particulary mean but i just remember that he just didnt like me and never wanted to be my friend. alittle sad huh? i mean im not asking him to like me, but i never did anything to him and he just sort of made it his job to dislike me for whatever reason. anyway, i went to highschool with him and he continued it, sure i was goofy and not "mature" in the sense that i didnt try to drink or listen to deep music. but the boy just didnt like me, never wanted to be my friend and i cant understand how people can be like this. it makes me feel bad because i always tried to help people and never dissed anyone out unless they did it first, and yet all this good intention couldnt befriend this boy. eventually i fired back with insults as he more and more showed his true colors. was the problem with me, or with him? are people just like this? it bothers me that i couldnt befriend him and it bothers me that someone could be as mean as him for no apparent reason. i know this was alittle long but thanks for reading.

Answer 1

I sense a kindred spirit in you. Im a bit of a goof too, and a make good friends rather than a lot of friends. You'll never get the aproval of these people, but do you really care about the opinions of such shallow mean people? Be happy that your friends will always be there for you, through thick and thin, and you'll be there for them. Those people may have lots of friends; but does anyone call them when they're feeling down? You're probably an awesome person with awesome friends; don't let other people ruin that. I know its really hard to keep your chin up, but everyone, EVERYONE deals with poor self-esteem. The prettiest girl in your class probably is obsessed with how ugly she is. Making you feel worse then them is how these people prey on your happiness.

P.S. you don't need to drink or listen to "deep music" to be a well rounded person. Learn about what interests you and make friends with people with similar intrests; you'll be happier in the long run.

Im a big nerd, but a lot of people tell me I'm one of the neatest people they've ever met.  I have a a few close friends that I hang out with all the time, I'm happiest this way. Its hard for me to keep my chin up, but I only want to be true to me. I think that there's a reason why people think I'm cool: I'm comfortable being me. Part of growing up and maturing through the high-school age is questioning who you are, and what your values are.  I like being a nerd: "Its better to be interested in something than to be apathetic about everything."

Also; I do drink, and I did drink in highschool, but anyone that says that you have to drink is crazy. I rarely drink to get drunk; I don't think binge drinking is that fun: I have a taste for beer (my favorite is probably Kronnenbourg 1664) and I like red wine. I don't often drink more than once a week. This is not me bragging, I'm trying to explain that its okay to have your own values and opinions, and that binge drinking is very, very unhealthy.

thanks for reading my long response.

Answer 2

life is painful sometimes.  you can't let that boy get to you.  if people see that you are shy and good, they'll make it their life mission to bring misery upon yourself because in reality, you're making THEM look bad.  the only reason why you were dealt w/these past people is to either learn a lesson on how jealous people operate and/or you can see this as a test to your own personality.  most people in your shoes would've changed into a major mean-spirited person but no, you stuck w/your principles.  you should be proud of yourself.  all these years and they never got the chance to break you.  

Answer 3

Ahhhh.. school days.. Doesn’t matter how recent or how long ago - kids never change.

There will always be mean kids in one way or another.  What I’ve come to realize, a great deal of their attacks are a power issue.  Ã¢Â€Âœget you before anyone gets me”    This also is them proving to others not to mess with them –that they are dominant.  Monkeys in the wild do this.. so.. considering we are nothing but monkeys with clothes on (lol)– I would expect no less from kids who are trying to come into their own and feel their way relating to others, while trying to protect themselves.   – Survival or the fittest still exists- in the school system.

When I was younger we moved a great deal, I was shy and because of this was an easy target (since others knew I wouldn’t defend myself).  I attempted listening to my mother “ignore them and they will go away”  -- However as I moved into year 2 of teasing I knew I had to do something.   I got the biggest/thickest history book I could find and the next time someone started teasing me I smacked them as hard as I could in their head.

Not really my style, but got my point across.  I also befriended the scariest kids in school- those that others were scared to talk to or approach.  I learned, being associated with them, I would also be left alone.    We do what we need to do to get through rough times in our life.

As far as you and the guy you attempted befriending:  You did the right thing .. initially.  But you have to know when to stop and back off.  There are those that will push us away, no matter how good our intentions.  For whatever reason.  But that’s THEIR problem and it has nothing to do with your kindness.  You move on and find people that appreciate who you are.

Bottom line.. All the c**p I went through was h**l at the time. But looking back, I realize I was not the one with the issues, they were.  Sounds as if you could say the same.