Dealing with the death of a child?

Question

My daughter is 5 months old and I found out last month she has a tumor on her optic nerve and throughout her brain. They think she has nf1, a disease that causes tumors on nerve endings and skin. Her case is really rare because of her age and the degree of the tumors. They want to start chemo but explained to me it may help now but at anytime in her lifetime it could start growing. If this is the case and they could not control the tumors she would die. Everyday I think about losing her and I feel sick. I don't think I could go on w/o her. I always knew I would have a daughter and when I was young I would talk to her and tell her I couldn't wait to get married and become pregnant and meet her. I feel like i've always known her and thinking about her leaving me brings this awful feeling over me. I really feel like I would die if I couldn't have her in my life.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry about your daughter and what you are going through.  My best friend's son was diagnosed with neoblastoma when he was two.  It's a terminal cancer with life expectancy of perhaps 10.  What I want to convey to you is how she and her family managed a healthy home throughout the time.  There are services provided by the hospital, support groups and counseling, that help parents cope.  The professionals have a big role but it is the other parents in the same boat that are the real support.  Take advantage of these.  Your family and friends can be immense support systems, but they cannot know like others who are living the same experience.  

Truly, I hope all goes the best for you and yours.

Answer 2

First, I am so sorry I wish the best for your daughter. Really all I have to say is pray to God every night and you have to stay REALLY REALLY positive and things could work out :)

Answer 3

I can understand to a certain degree, although my daughter is not ill, I still have fears of her dying, like I will have dreams and wake up crying.  I am sure that your feelings are much stronger than my fears, you are actually facing something.  I can understand wanting to die if your child dies, no parent ever wants to out live their child.

However I am a big believer in positive energy, and I also believe that God will never put more on you than you can handle, so you need to put your fears of the unknown future to the side and focus on your daughter.  be with her and enjoy her with all your heart.  go hug her now!

I know it is scary but try not to grieve before it even happens, it may go away.  In the even that she may pass remember that there are people out there to talk to and you may need to.  

Some angels are only meant to be here for a certain amount of time, but I think yours will be here a long time.

Answer 4

hi i am so sorry to hear about your daughters condition.

my first born died 9days after birth so i understand your worries.

My son was born with the cord wrapped round his neck and was severly brain damaged. I had to wait 9 long days for the doctors to tell me how badly damaged my sons brain was. i was given the choice weather to keep my sons life support machine on and hope he would pull through or to switch it off. After some really hard thinking i decided it was best to let him go instead of him suffering.  having to deal with the death of a child is the hardest grief anyone can go through. i took it really bad and was put onto antidepressantss and am still on the 3 1/2 years on. i have also went on to have a beautiful healthy daughter who is now 15months old. nothing will ever replace my son kian and i will never try to replace him. all i can say to you is please for your daughters sake live life for now and dont take anything for granted.

i really hope everything goes ok for you and your daughter.

you will both be in my thoughts

Answer 5

Your post made me cry because I'm a mom, and I don't know what I would do without my daughter either - I can't even remember my life before her.

I want to cry even more though because I think I may know why your daughter is sick - it's why I'm sick, too.

Please please please listen, because you may be able to help her recover. I have been ill ever since a cell phone tower was installed up the road from me, and I suspect your daughter's tumors may be related to the wireless boom, also. I'm not sure if her exposure involves a cell phone mast, or wi-fi, or perhaps even a cordless phone or cell phone in the home. But the optic nerve is especially vulnerable to microwave radiation. Try googling optic nerve/microwave radiation or optic nerve/electromagnetic radiation.

German Doctors Unite on RF Health Effects:

http://www.powerwatch.org.uk/news/200507...

Bioinitiative Report:

http://www.bioinitiative.org/report/inde...

Attitudes to the Health Dangers of Non-Thermal EMFs:

http://www.powerwatch.org.uk/news/200801...

The Ecologist - The Gathering Brainstorm - Wi-Fi

http://www.avaate.org/article.php3?id_ar...

How Exposure to GSM & TETRA Base-station Radiation can Adversely Affect Humans

http://72.14.205.104/search?q=cache:vCfO...

How close do you live to a tower/antenna? Keep in mind that distance is relative - living closer to a tower might produce different biological effects than living at a distance, though all biological beings are adversely affected in some manner, regardless of the distance involved. I would get yourself an electrosmog detector for starters and check to see how many towers/antennas surround your home.

www.antennasearch.com

Please don't think death though - I honestly believe that if you can somehow reduce her exposure to electromagnetic/microwave/radiowave fields, her little body may be able to heal itself. Please try to find ways to reduce her exposure - you can even buy special paint to shield her from the radiation.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/emf...

Answer 6

that's so sad, i'm so sorry! :(

my grandma's daughter was 15 when she got hit by a truck, the driver was SLEEPING at the wheel, and her and her friend were riding their bikes and the driver killed them both.

she would have been my aunt, but i've of course never met her. it's been like 35 years and it still hurts my grandma to think about it. she even sometimes calls me her daughter's name...

BUT my mom, her other daughter, helped her through it...so my advice to you, is have another kid!

Answer 7

Let me start off saying that I'm terribly sorry for your daughter's condition. I can't even imagine the amount of suffering you're going through right now.

I think that you should talk to a psychologist about your fears. It'd be much more consoling than a bunch of strangers on a computer screen. I know what you mean when you say that you always knew that you'd have twins. I'm fourteen, and I just know I'm going to have twins. I can feel it in my heart. It sounds like you think she's already dead. Just remind yourself that she's still alive, even if barely. Tell yourself that she's going to make it, and that she's going to grow up healthy, and strong. Keep praying, and hoping.

Just remember, God doesn't do anything to us that we can't handle.

=]

Answer 8

Well the first thing I would like to say is I am so sorry that you are faced with such a difficult road you must travel. Second I would like to tell all of the people who have made rude, silly comments shame on you. Unless you have suffered the tragic loss of your child you cannot possibly understand the unbelievable pain a parent goes through. It is constant and unending. It is indescribable. You can not possibly imagine the effect is has on a parents life. Their world is turned upside down. Nothing will ever be alright in their world again. I know you cannot grasp the enormity of such a tragic event. This is a young mother who is terrified at the news about her child. And you have the audacity to act like it is nothing. Did your parents not teach you better than to act like a complete ***? Ever heard of karma ? Think about it.

   Dear, I am so sorry for having to say all of that first, before I have the oppurtunity to say that I am so, so sorry for what you and your baby girl are having to go through. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I do hope that the dr.'s can help your sweet child.You sound like such a sweet loving young mother who loves her child desperately. Yes, dear pray for a cure, and for the courage to face these hard days ahead. Just love that darling baby with all of your heart and soul. As hard as this road you are about to travel may be just remember that others care so much for you and your family. Reach out to your family and friends when you need comfort and strength, they really do want to help. During this time of struggle you must try and have faith in your higher power and trust that the dr.'s are doing their very best to help your daughter. Just try and stay positive and enjoy every moment you spend with that precious baby.Love her so ever tenderly with a mothers soul. God bless you and yours. I lost my son in an auto accident 3 1/2 yr ago he was 25 yr. old. I was blessed to have the time I did have with him I know, yet it was not enough time for me as a mom. Nothing short of eternity could be enough time. I miss him even more today than yesterday.

Answer 9

first dont listen to the guy above me hes an idiot and this is a really sad story i really feel sorry for you all i can say is pray for your daughter and i hope all is well for you

Answer 10

I will be praying for you and her...

Please add your family to this list

Answer 11

Love her while she is still here with you. Grieve after she is gone. They have support groups after the death of a chile for when the time comes.

Answer 12

Stay strong keep your head up and think about seeing her when god brings end to this crokked world.

Answer 13

Oh my gosh, that is awful. I can only imagine what you are going through.  But the thing is, you can't let this ruin your life.  Just think: right now, you've got a beautiful daughter.  Try and cherish every moment you have with her. Take her to the beach, go for long walks in the park with her, lay out and watch the stars... Live in the moment, and take life one step at a time.  And don't underestimate the power of prayer.  I do not know how religious you are, but God truly does answer prayers.  Where there is faith, there are miracles.  

As this can be an extremely hard thing to deal with on your own, i suggest you look into counseling.  Look for support groups in your area.  Maybe you could even start a support group. It is always best to have people to talk to, especially when they know what you are going through.

God bless you. You and your daughter will be in my prayers

Answer 14

I am also sharing  yr sorrow and pray to god to get rid off that.  May the almighty will give the courage to face and overcome such a situation

Answer 15

I'm so sorry! That is something so hard to deal with. You'll have to deal with it everyday. But day after day will get better and you'll learn to cope and live with it and so will your daughter. I lost my cousins very young and unexpectidly. It's the worst feeling in the world. Theres not really anything anyone can say but you should go to counseling. It really could help. I'll be praying for you and your daugther. Stay strong.

Answer 16

allright first of all i'm so sry about your daughters condition let me just get that straight second i think you "talking to this daughter" of yours as a child and saying you would die if she wasnt there are some serious signs of needing theropy so third go seek professional helpif anything it will help you through the rough times ahead of you both

Answer 17

There is no heavier burden then dealing with the loss of a child. But in these times, you must be strong for her, you must love her, and you must continue to live, live for her, if such sorrow should come to be. Your love will push you, Your love will guide you. God bless and good luck.  

Answer 18

My parents found out about my NF1 when I was 18 months old.I had 16 major surgeries by the time I was 9&1/2 and my left leg was amputated. I  have had many surgeries ( I lost track at 34) My parents were told that I may not live to be an adult, I'll be 60 in one month. Then my Mom told me that the Dr.'s told her that I may never be able to have children. My life has not always been an easy one but I did manage to get married and after 3 miscarrages,I had 2 sons neither one of them have NF thank God. I also have 3 living grandchildren. One shows no signsof NF but he is learning disabled. I lost a grandson at just before his 3rd birthday due to severe seizures. But he brougjt us great joy even though he was never able to speak a word, could not sit up and his body skill were that of a new born baby we loved that little guy. As for you own little girl, Just love her as much as you can. Allow the chemo, You do know that you stand a 50/50 chance of another child being born with NF but that is a chance I am glad I took.There are support groups for persons living with NF.  God bless you and your sweet little girl.

Answer 19

What are you laughing at d**k head?? If only that was you well see who would be laughing then.

Sorry to hear about your daughter. I lack sleep every night because my son is 2 and a half and with all that's been going on with kids these days being diagnosed with cancers and what not i worry that something like this might happen to him. If i was to lose a child i dont know how i would cope. I would probably wanna kill myself

Answer 20

i am so sorry about your daughter. you just need to think positivly and be grateful for her. keep telling yourself she will be okay. everything happens for a reason, and you need to keep telling yourself that everything will be okay. god loves you and your daughter and knows that you are great people. good luck and god bless

xoxoxoxxxxoxoxxoxoxoxo

Answer 21

Nobody knows why these kind of awful things happen to normal good people, but it's awful. I'm very sorry to here about your situation. chemo will be hard, but you will get through it. Help her get through this. I wish you the best. To tell you the truth there really is no way to just deal with a childs death. It can become a daily thing eating you inside if you let it. Have hope. Never give up. Fight till the end.

Answer 22

aww i feel terible... i know how it would feel to lose her... yeah i haven't had this happen to me but losing some one you love is always painful. think about now and sherish every moment and be hopeful and think positive that everything will work out fine. its sad that shes 5 months and i will pray for you and your family every day and plz let me know whats going on.

Answer 23

You need to talk to a professional counsellor about your fears sweetheart. This is almost too serious to be dealt with here via the keyboards of strangers. Good luck for the future and for your daughter's health, you sound like a wonderful mother.