Dear Homeschoolers, why are taking sides against each other?

Question

A recently asked question regarding what qualifies as "true" homeschooling leads me to ask this piercing question. Should we spend even an ounce of energy trying to say one person is not officially homeschooling simply because of the materials or support they use? Is the parent using Calvert's teacher advisors not still at home making sure that the child does the work and ensuring that the papers get mailed on time? Should the parent using a private computer program be associated with those "evil" public schoolers? Are the parents who check all the catalogs for materials or who let the child decide the direction of his education better than the ones who turn on the computer or the sattelite or the VCR to make sure that the child is doing the right assignments from the chosen curriculum? Am I the only one who sees this as homeschool snobbery? As a homeschool support group leader, I think all hsers ought to be supporting ALL methods of bringing children back home!

Answer 1

I really do not see derision here. There was just a question over the labeling of things that are different under the same umbrella term. We are free to disagree over what benefits exist and what methods to use. I don't think that is calling your choice into question anymore than it calls a public or private school parent's educational decisions into question. It is just one question that you are free to answer. At this time I do not cyber-school. But one day I may. I'll still be a homeschooler.

EDIT: Wait......you don't want to hear that other people disagree that the way you educate constitutes true HSing, but you do think it is OK to slam public and private school education as an educational choice?

Answer 2

Great points, all (well, almost all, and we know of whom I speak) around.

I personally find that it depends on where I am, some are terribly hostile about my choice to enroll my daughter in a cyber school (and oddly enough, it is those in my church's support group that are the most so) and don't even ask the why of what I did.  Certainly not the how I use the materials, support, etc. - which is not the way they were intended to be used!  Do I consider my self a homeschooler?  Yes I do.  I use the guidelines for a year and teach what I want to teach and how I want to teach it.  (BTW, the reason I did things this way was to get much less flak from very meddlesome family, and get my feet wet homeschooling, and not being overwhelmed right from the start . . . as the state's tests loom near, I plan on pulling her out and going a more traditional route, since I know what works and what our personal style is.)

Plus, since we get no assistance in write offs, and public money is set aside for her education, I see no reason that she should not get a benefit from it, and the main ones are having some cool manipulatives and assistance paying our internet bill each month.

I have had "teachers" with the cyberschool that were k12 worshippers, and did not understand that for the most part, I do not like the curriculum, and don't really use it, teach objectives and mark mastery.  I have had homeschool parents who tell me that I can't sit on the fence.  All I know is that for right now, this is what makes sense, I have a plan and when my daughter was beaten at the hand of a public school preschool teacher, that my decision to homeschool her was one that was going to change our life.

It has.  Our home is a place of learning, a library, a museum, a lab, a playground, and a sanctuary all wrapped up in one.  People that come into our home for the first time don't know what to say, there is a different feeling.  All I can say is sometimes I don't know when the learning turns off, we find value and education in everything and have to remind ourselves to take a break, and just have fun for the sake of having fun.

So if I am not a true homeschooler in some people's opinion, I am ok with it.  I wish that more people could do what we do, and feel the joy of watching our kids excel, and know what is being taught.  

We need to stick together as homeschoolers, and as you said, support any and all efforts to get the children into the home.

Answer 3

It is very important to homeschoolers who accept no public funding AND no red tape to be defined as unique.  K-12 or similar "public school at home" programs are not homeschooling because they accept public money and the strings that go with that.

I do not want public money, I do not want the regulations. I fear if we don't keep it clear what "homeschooling" is it will muddy the waters in the public's mind resulting in legislation. This would be terrible, one of the greatest things about homeschooling is the freedom to learn what, when and where we want to. No "teaching to the test" at my house!

It is not about snobbery, it is about preventing regulation, in my opinion.

Answer 4

I think you have asked a really good question.  I think the main thing that makes you a homeschooler is that the parent is making the decisions about what is best for their child, not our government.  If I as a homeschool parent think that my child watching an ABeka classroom teacher on my TV is the best way for them to get an education (or whatever other method) then so be it.  I just think it is my decision, not anyone else's.  I do personally have my own judgments about what I think is best, but I think we should all support each other.  I also get your point about HSLDA.  Alabama does not have any homeschooling laws on the books and HSLDA wants there to be one.  I think we have great freedom in Alabama and it may be slightly more restrictive with a law on the book.  I know they see there not being a law as a risk, but I don't.

Answer 5

I have listened and participated in this discussion elsewhere...

I've "heard" the variety of educational choices described as a spectrum or range with (perhaps) unschooling on one end and public school on the other.

Regardless, if there are clear distinctions between the various methods (and I believe there are), then why not draw and discuss such distinctions?

Lets take this to the other extreme and just call all types of schooling "education."

One reason not to do this is clarity in discussion.  If every mode of learning is simply called education, it would sure make discussion of issues a bit more difficult.  Same with the spectrum of "not learning inside a school building" discussion.  If everything in this category is termed homeschooling, the discussion becomes cloudy.

I don't think it is a matter of snobbery at all.

Regardless of all the above... Janice B makes some really good points.  I read some of the Q&A that is essentially, how can I "homeschool" without parental involvement and it confounds me.  

Every time I see one of these posts, I think: This can't be a legitimate Q or A.

I think the more educational choices available to a parent the better.  There ARE distinctions to be made among the various choices and to advocate that one should not distinguish makes no sense to me.

Bottom line, however: Regardless of the mode of education a parent chooses for their child(ren), the key ingredient is parental involvement.  This is true for any choice along the spectrum and there is a bunch of research to support this position.

Answer 6

I don't believe that homeschoolers are taking sides against each other.  I think homeschoolers are making a distinction between homeschool and "public school at home."  Because of the clouded issue, I, as a newbie to homeschooling, believed that "public school at home" was homeschooling.  The virtual charter school in my city gave me one choice for curriculum and that was K12, Inc.; it did not work for my child.  I had no option but to pull him out of the virtual school and homeschool him via my own expense and financial sacrifice.  

Prior to my discovering that K12 would not work for my child, I thought, "How great to get free books, get reimbursed for internet service (didn't stick with it long enough to get this freebie), get a loaner computer for my son to use (as I already had one for my at-home work), get free math manipulatives, etc.  Yet, the price I would have had to pay to keep th0se things would have been trying to make a curriculum work for my boy which simply did not fit.

I do not believe public schoolers are evil, and I know of public schoolers and homeschoolers who use K12 curriculum.  Nevertheless, I do believe that public schools unashamedly and unabashedly teach the religion of secular humanism.  I don't think any parent is better than the other, and in my mind, there is no homeschool snobbery.  However, I, for one, choose to remember those who led the fight for homeschooling rights, and I choose not to allow government interference, government regulation, etc. dictate what I do in my homeschool, how I teach, which curriculum I use, etc.

Currently, I am faced with a choice of whether I allow my son to attend public school in order for him to obtain additional services or whether I find another way for him to get those services or pay for them myself.  This is a hard decision, but I am leaning toward continuing our homeschooling journey--as he is thriving academically, socially, and spiritually in our current environment.  

Our homeschooling support group has had virtual schoolers actually try to bring public school officials to sit in on our meetings.  Our leader said this was a "no go," absolutely not, and can you blame her?  We do not need added regulations in the state of Illinois for homeschoolers.  Here, we are considered to be private, legal schools, and we want to keep it that way.  Homeschool support groups are for homeschoolers; those who choose to school their child at home via the public schools have supports for their efforts already built into the public school system.

I don't condemn choices other parents make to school their child(ren).  The goal is for the child to become educated, and I believe the parents are the ones to make the decision about the best way to meet that goal.

However, confusing "public school at home" programs with homeschooling, I believe, is a huge mistake that will lead to more government regulation of homeschooling.  I would hate to see that happen.

Answer 7

I am a homeschooler.  Actually, I unschool.  Yes, I have been in groups before that preferred one type of homeschooling over another.  In a perfect world, all those who decided to bring their kids home would commend each other's efforts regardless of method.

But there will always be some people who think they are right and no one else is.  Some people will find differences to hold over others no matter how small the differences may be, possibly to feel better about themselves or to validate their own decisions or just to feel superior.  

Having said that, I think you are a bit harsh  You want all us homeschoolers to get along, but then tell people who support public school that they are wrong and should not answer your question.  Sorry but it has never been an "us against them" thing for me, neither within the homeschooling community nor between the homeschoolers and schoolies.  

I also do not actively encourage people to homeschool.  It's not for everyone, parent and child alike.  Some children absolutely flourish in public school.  You may prefer homeschooling, but you can't in all honesty say that public school is horrible all of the time, without exception, because it isn't.  There is good and bad, advantages and disadvantages, on any path in life.

Answer 8

I know several people who are homeschooling and they work with others who are and they also have found a way for their children to participate in local sport activities, etc.  These kids are bright and extremely well socialized.  They also win achievement awards and enter contests like the national spelling bees, etc.



I know kids in public schools that achieve and those that fail.  No one recipe works for everyone.

Learning starts in the family and no matter where the child is educated if they have good self esteem and have learned good study habits they are more likely to succeed.

Answer 9

I have no clue. The first thing people ask me when I tell them on these messageboards after I say I homeschool is what curriculum do you use. Of course I say no curriculum. We just do our own thing kinda mish mash. Then they say I am unschooling-etc. They try to put a name to what I am doing. I gave up and just say we are doing learning at home. We aren't really doing "school" and we aren't die hard unschoolers. Somewhere in between. I don't think it is right for other to judge on what you do. I think it is just great to be able to homeschool no matter which path you choose.

It is a sad sad world we live in that people have to argue over such petty subjects. Just be happy for one another. Every child learns differently. That is why we homeschool is because not one size fits all. So you see how your child learns best and go from there. My sister in law is another that is always trying to talk me into doing what she does with her girls, but it just doesn't work with my Daughter. She is a self learner like her Daddy and learns best from doing and hands on and not sitting down to worksheets. Her Daughter's do awesome with worksheets and that is great. heh we are all learning.

Answer 10

i agree 100% instead of trying to argue who is home schooling and who isnt, lets just agree that regardless, home schooling is a complete joke and leads to a deficiency in social skills and usually educational skills. i have always thought this and my girlfriend who was homeschooled along w/ her 4 brothers and sisters agrees completley. stop homeschooling and put your children in public school so they can grow up normally

Answer 11

I must have missed that one ;o)

It doesnt matter to me that someone doesnt consider cyber schooling or home tutoring, or unschooler a "true" hser.  Its much the same as I view the atheist that tries to make me 'see the light' about religion. (yeah, bad pun intended)

I really dont see much hostility about it here at YA, but then again I am rather new to the forum.  My dd started with online schooling this year, and I know it isnt the same as hsing in many regards.  If someone wants to start an argument about it, I might fight back, its my nature.  But I try not to get too heated about comments made, as the YA forum is geared to people voicing their opinions.  (Of course, there are times that I do when uninformed opinions are viciously 'voiced' lol)

Parents and kids that come here looking for hsing answers, I feel compelled to answer because we had issues with public schools too, and chose a different path.  Homeshcooling isnt for everyone, so I also offer up the suggestion of private, charters and online charter schools.  People should educate themselves about such an important part of life.  I dont know if that angers any of the hsers, if it does, thats not my problem.

But I do think that I am doing what is best for my child as the public school system was failing us on many fronts.

I would have loved to homeschool my daughter, and thought about it before she even started kindergarten.  I began to see we are too much alike, and would butt heads too much.  And I hate paperwork, the school would be tracking me down!  

I truly admire the families that undertake the homeschooling task.

*EDIT* "Folks who do not homeschool are not getting my drift. This is directed to homeschoolers"

"Please do not attempt to lasso this thread into a "let's all agree that everything works" thread!!!"

ok, so you are classifying me as NOT a hser? You dont want my opinion?   But yet above in the Q you want all to be included.  you seem to be touching on a contradictory note.  I'm not trying to be s****., I'm not trying to exclude any hsers, or form there of, and I'm not saying public schoolers are evil  :-s

yeah, I DO think everything works.  public school works for many, private schools work for others, hsing and all its "sisterly" types of schooling works for those that the puplic & private dont!  (for whatever varied and many reasons that may be)

Answer 12

Amen, sister!

I understand that some people want to argue about such things because they are so excited about what they've discovered to be the best way for them (and they forget that what's best for them isn't necessarily best for everyone).  Others want to protect homeschooling from government interference, and thus don't want to consider people using government resources as homeschoolers.  And I'm sure there are other concerns, too.

But to me, the beauty of homeschooling is that each family can figure out what education method works best for them in their current situation.

Answer 13

I agree. While I was not home schooled, and do not plan on doing so with my children, you make a very good point. Each parent should not be judged for choosing what they feel is the best method of learning for their child. It is the same as people judging people for home schooling as opposed to public school- the parents have chosen what is working for them. Not every child learns the same ( I thought that was somewhat of one of the good things about home schooling- that you could tailor the education a bit to each child's learning temperament), and not every parent can be an expert in some areas- I would think that whatever method will give the child the best education is what should be used.

Answer 14

Like seeks like and feels threatened by what is different...at least until it is comfortable and confident instead of insecure...or, LOL, until your child isn't doing well under what you thought was the "ideal" way to homeschool!  

Homeschool long enough, or homeschool enough children, and it is likely that you'll eat humble pie about some hard-fast belief, sooner or later.  

I think that the variety of ways to teach children simply tells us that, as parents, we are finding that our children learn in different ways, and not always in ways that go with the way that we, as parents, can teach ourselves.  And that is ok!  As creative homeschoolers, we can avail ourselves of other teachers for any subject we like, because we are choosing it with our children's needs in mind.  

We're doing this for our children and for our families. And even if, (gasp), we feel the need to put our previously homeschooled child into a SCHOOL (!) we should still not be condemned.  

It is one thing to debate abstract concepts about education and quite another to deal one-on-one with a particular child and that child's particular needs.  We don't want to ruin a child because of foolish adherence to abstract ideas that aren't suitable for him.  Children aren't putty, waiting to be shaped any way we like.  They are active participants in learning and their ways of learning need to be accommodated sometimes.  And sometimes, for the well-being of the whole family, outside assistance, cyber and otherwise, is what can make that happen.  

Let's not be too quick to condemn...and let's not be too quick to feel condemned...during our discussions about what is or isn't homeschooling.  After all, we are in the process of defining it, aren't we?

Answer 15

I home school and work in the public school so I live in both worlds.   I asked a question recently about the questions that are asked in the home school section.   It was not that I was being a snob it is just that I wanted to help inform people that home school people would not be the people to ask concerning public school questions .{.i.e. where to get books for Kalamazoo County,  when will XYZ  do their final exams, etc)

Another point that you bring out is in the area of concerned parents.   Judging from the questions on Y!A,  and this may be  misconception on my part,  people ask about programs as if they are looking for something with no parental involvement.    The student questions  are as if there is no parental supervision.   It just appears as many parents who ask about homeschooling are asking in essence  "Who can we pay to teach our children".

I  may be a little envious too.   I  don't have the money to buy a boxed curriculum,  enroll  online, or use a satellite program.  

I don't think it would be effective for my son, but it sure would be nice to try it. (smile)     I keep hoping to find an easier way .